Vanquish Fear

     “Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life. Rather, look to them full of hope as they arise. God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you then, and every day. He will either shield you from suffering, or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.”                                                                                                                                                                                                   St. Francis de Sales


     As this year is winding down and a new year is about to unfold, it is good for us to turn to St. Francis de Sales and his excellent words of wisdom.

O Come, Let Us Adore Him

     “In the Sacrament of the Eucharist, the Savior, who took flesh in Mary’s womb over twenty centuries ago, continues to offer Himself to humanity as the source of Divine Life.”                                                   St. John Paul II



     During the Christmas holidays, our churches look so beautiful with lighted trees, rich altar tapestries, and of course, the stable, where the baby Jesus lies in the manger. And as we sing the words, “O come, let us adore Him,” we yearn deep within our hearts, to be taken back in time, gazing in awe, upon the Babe of Bethlehem.

Love Beyond All Telling

     “The Virgin Mother longed for Him with love beyond all telling.”                                     Preface 1 of Advent



     Like Mary, do we long for Jesus with love beyond all telling? Or, with just a few days left before Christmas, are we longing for it all to be behind us? Have we lost our way in all the hustle and bustle of our “to do” lists and forgotten “Who is the Reason for the Season?”

Waiting in Trust

“Waiting times are growing and learning times. As you quiet your heart, you enter His peace. As you sense your weakness, you receive His strength. As you lay down your will, you hear His calling.” Roy Lessin



     We are a people who do not like to wait. We see it as a waste of time. We must be efficient. We must produce – now – not later. So we mutter and grumble if not audibly, under our breath, until our spirit is unsettled and our peace is lost.

Covet Nothing

     “In detachment, the spirit finds quiet and repose for coveting nothing. Nothing wearies it by elation, and nothing oppresses it by dejection, because it stands in the center of its own humility.” Saint John of the Cross



     Oh! How our soul longs for the quiet and repose of which Saint John speaks! Instead we experience the roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs that weary us. Our hearts are full of worries and concerns, and we hold on tightly to attachments which push both God and His peace out.

Begin the Task Anew

     “Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew.”                             St. Frances de Sales



     Being patient with our imperfections is something most of us find difficult to do. Trying to see them as “useful” and “purposeful” for our salvation is not how they are normally perceived.

The Rusty Key

     “At Advent we should try the key to our heart’s door. It may have gathered rust. If so, this is the time to oil it, in order that the heart’s door may open more easily when the Lord Jesus wants to enter at Christmas time!”                                                                                                                                                                                                A New Guinea Christian



     What kind of “rust” has gathered on the key to our heart’s door to prevent Jesus from entering? It seems to sneak up on us until we notice its damage, and Christ is locked out!

Tabernacle of Love

     “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God” ( Lk. 1 vs. 35).



     These words from St. Luke are sometimes so familiar to us, that we fail to truly grasp the reality.   GOD BECAME MAN – IN THE WOMB OF A WOMAN, and a very young woman at that! This is a statement that should just blow us away! Our finite minds cannot begin to fully comprehend just how Mary felt, but never the less, let’s try to delve into that divine mystery.

Shake Off the Shackles of Discontent

     “When you sit down to eat, pray. When you eat bread, do so thanking Him for being so generous to you. If you drink wine, be mindful of Him who has given it to you for your pleasure and as a relief in sickness. When you dress, thank Him for His kindness in providing you with clothes. When you look at the sky and the beauty of the stars, throw yourself at God’s feet and adore Him who in His wisdom has arranged things in this way. Similarly, when the sun goes down and when it rises, when you are asleep or awake, give thanks to God, who created and arranged all things for your benefit, to have you know, love and praise their Creator.” St. Basil the Great



     Working on having a heart full of gratitude toward God, can sometimes be a challenge! We are a society who often sees the glass “half empty,” instead of thanking God that it had something in it in the first place. We look to see who has more than we do and instead, feel discontented with what we have been truly blessed. Our culture espouses that whoever has more is the happiest and most fulfilled. Possessions are looked at as treasures, and we are encouraged to do our best to accumulate them, sometimes at the cost of relationships; even our relationship with God.

He Has a Good Memory

     “Go and find Him when your patience and strength run out and you feel alone and helpless. Jesus is waiting for you in the chapel. Say to Him, ‘Jesus, You know exactly what is going on. You are all I have and you know all things. Come to my help.’ And then go, and don’t worry about how you are going to manage. That you have told God about it is enough. He has a good memory.”                     St. Jeanne Jugan


     We all have days when we feel alone and helpless, and find that our patience and strength is fleeting. We don’t see solutions to our problems, or are just too weary to even think about them. Life at those times seems burdensome and throwing in the towel is an attractive alternative.

Poison for the Soul

     “The recollection of an injury is a rusty arrow and poison for the soul.”                                       St. Francis of Paola


     How the Evil One relishes in his ability to engage our memory by recalling a hurt or injury that was afflicted upon us. He will tempt us time and time again, to play it over and over in our minds, until it is once again festering and the pain is acute.

The Father's Embrace

     “While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to His son, embraced him and kissed him.” Lk. 15 vs. 21


     Christ came to reveal to us the heart of His Father and the great love the Father has for us. The parable of the prodigal son shouts of the love and mercy our God has for each one of us, His children. Papa’s love for us is so deep that when we leave His side, He is constantly looking for us while He waits for our return. And if He happens to catch sight of us, He is off and running to kiss us, and hold us close to His heart once again.

St. Catherine of Genoa and the Fire of God's Love--Part 2

     According to Catherine’s teaching, a remarkable transformation occurs within the soul when it stands before God. The soul appears to be united and in total agreement with the holy will of God.  There is no questioning to the length of time or the pain that they endure in Purgatory. There is no jealousy when another soul is released to heaven because one does not want to leave until all has been cleansed. When a soul is repentant at the hour of death, the guilt due to their sin is immediately forgiven, but the “rust” of sin is left, from which they will be cleansed by the pain of the fire. The pain that the soul experiences in Purgatory is similar to the pain of hell, but because the soul realizes the grievousness of sin and the great offense it is towards God, it would throw itself into Purgatory for as long as necessary.

St. Catherine of Genoa and the Fire of God's Love--Part 1

     “I believe no happiness can be found worthy to be compared with that of a soul in Purgatory except that of the saints in Paradise. And day by day this happiness grows as God flows into these souls, more and more as the hindrance to His entrance is consumed.  Sin’s rust is the hindrance, and the fire burns the rust away so that more and more the soul opens itself up to the divine inflowing.”

     This quote is from a book entitled “Fire of Love” by St. Catherine of Genoa, who was a fifteenth century mystic. Caterinetta Adorna was born to an aristocratic family and at age thirteen, she was denied entrance to the convent because of her young age.  After the death of her father, her eldest brother for political and financial reasons arranged a marriage for Caterinetta. The marriage was a disaster. Catherine’s husband was unfaithful to the point of having a mistress and child and squandered his fortune. The first five years of her marriage, Catherine withdrew from society. Her family pleaded with her to get involved with the social life of Genoa, thinking this would help. After another five years, Catherine instead fell into a deep depression.

From Bitter To Sweet

     “By accepting the sufferings ‘offered’ by life and allowed by God for our progress and purification, we spare ourselves much harder ones. We need to develop this kind of realism and, once and for all, stop dreaming of a life without suffering and conflict. That is the life of heaven, not earth. We must take up our cross and follow Christ courageously everyday; the bitterness of that cross will sooner or later be transformed into sweetness.”                                    Fr. Jacques Phillipe



     A wise and holy priest once stated, “Remember, Jesus did not tell us to pick up our picnic baskets each day and follow Him – He said to pick up our cross everyday if we want to be His disciples.”    Although that is a verse from scripture of which we are very familiar, it is one that we often forget when we are bemoaning the hardships of this life. We forget that we are wayfarers and sojourners on the way to heaven and expect instead, a rosy path.

Opening The Eyes Of Our Hearts

     “When I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of many graces, which I want to give to you. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me … Oh, how sad I am that you do not recognize My Love!” Our Lord to St. Faustina



     It should break our hearts that so many show indifference to Our Lord in His great gift of Love in the Sacrament of the Eucharist. Even those of us who love Jesus very much and receive Him daily, are not always fully aware of His great Presence.

A Promise Of Hope

     “Only by praying together with their children can a father and mother -- exercising their royal priesthood*—penetrate the innermost depths of their children’s hearts and leave an impression that the future events in their lives will not be able to efface.”                                                        St. John Paul ll



     What comforting words St. John Paul ll offers to those of us who are parents! His words hold a promise, that if we have been faithful to “exercising our royal priesthood,” by praying with our children, something will take root. A promise, that despite the pull of “the world”, with all its alluring enticements, our efforts will not be eradicated.

Leaving All In Your Most Capable Hands

Prayer Before The Blessed Sacrament

     Oh, my dear sweet Jesus, truly present in the Blessed Sacrament, I humbly come before You, not only to love and adore You, and give thanks to our Heavenly Father for this great gift of the Eucharist, but to lay my heart before You. My heart is meant to be Your home, but so often it is filled with worries and concerns that leave little room for Your presence. Help me to surrender all my cares and concerns into Your Eucharistic Heart and into the Immaculate Heart of Mary, our Mother, so that I am free to love and adore You as You so deserve.

     Oh, my dear sweet Jesus, I thank You for the opportunity to spend this time with You. You are so generous a God, and must love me very much, to humble Yourself to stay with me in this great Sacrament. Increase my trust in Your ordaining and permissive will that I may know deep in my heart, “that not a hair of my head falls to the ground without You allowing it.” Increase my faith to believe in Your presence in my life, even when life’s circumstances make me feel alone, forgotten, or afraid. Help me to remember that You love and care for me and my loved ones, more than I can possibly fathom.

     When this visit is over and I leave Your Presence, I pray that I will have emptied my heart of all concerns, leaving them in Your most capable hands, so that my heart may be a tabernacle from which I then bring You, my God, to all I meet. Amen.

Our Compass In Life -- God's Will

     “Lord, grant that I may always allow myself to be guided by You, always follow Your plans, and perfectly accomplish Your holy will. Grant that in all things, great and small, today and all the days of my life, I may do whatever You may require of me. Help me to respond to the slightest prompting of Your grace, so that I may be Your trustworthy instrument, for Your honor. May Your will be done in time and eternity – by me, in me, and through me.  Amen.                                               St. Teresa of Avila


     When we fall in love with God, wanting to do His will becomes a priority in our lives. Desiring to please Him in all things, and carry out the plan He has for us, becomes our compass in life. Aware of God’s great love for us, we know that He always has our best interest in mind, and so we look, with eyes wide open, to follow that path.

Resting In God

     “There is a state of resting in God, an absolute break from all intellectual activity, when one forms no plans, makes no decisions and for the first time really ceases to act, when one simply hands over the future to God’s will and ‘surrenders himself to fate.’” St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross



     We LONG to rest in God: To abandon ourselves completely and forever to His will. It is something we have been yearning for, but struggling to do for such a long time.

Mary's Gift

     From my youthful years this prayer has held an important place in my spiritual life. The Rosary has accompanied me in moments of joy and in moments of difficulty. To it I have entrusted any number of concerns: in it I have always found comfort.”                                                   Pope John Paul  II


     I remember, as a little girl, kneeling in our living room and praying the rosary with my family. It was not something we did with regularity, but when an urgent event presented itself. As I grew older, although my relationship with Our Lady was still very important to me, my devotion to the rosary dwindled to praying it at “viewings” for deceased loved ones.

His Victim of Love

     “In order to love Jesus, to be His victim of love, the more weak and miserable we are, the more fitting are we for the operations of this consuming and transforming Love”                                               St. Therese of Lisieux


     We often fail in our efforts to love God as He so deserves and lament in our poor attempts to do so. We want so very much to do all for love of God and feel frustrated when we fail.

Running With Complete Trust

     “Our present life is given only to gain the eternal one and if we don’t think about it, we build our affections on what belongs to this world, where our life is transitory. When we have to leave it we are afraid and become agitated. Believe me, to live happily in this pilgrimage, we have to aim at the hope of arriving at our Homeland, where we will stay eternally. Meanwhile we have to believe firmly that God calls us to Himself and follows us along the path towards Him. He will never permit anything to happen to us that is not for our greater good. He knows who we are and He will hold out his paternal hand to us during difficulties, so that nothing prevents us from running to Him swiftly. But to enjoy this grace we must have complete trust in Him.”                                                St. Padre Pio


     Keeping our eyes on our eternal destiny seems to be the theme that God is holding before us these days. We must look into our hearts to become aware of our attachments, so we can let go of them, and gently place them in the hands of our “Papa.” There He will take care of them for us. It is a difficult thing for us to do; because we are often tempted to possess who and what we love.

The Next Moment Is Not Yet Ours

     “Who can assure us that we will be alive tomorrow? Let us listen to the voice of our conscience, to the voice of the royal prophet: “Today, if you hear God’s voice, harden not your heart.” Let us not put off from one moment to another (what we should do) because (the next moment) is not yet ours.”  St. Padre Pio


     After the unexpected illness of my husband, the quick death of a dear friend’s husband, and the sudden, serious illness of a friend’s daughter, I believe that God is trying to drive this message home to me.

Thy Will Be Done - Part 2

     After the preliminary questions, Jonathan was taken back to the examining room. I pulled out my rosaries and began to pray, one mystery after the other, as the medical team went about trying to determine just what was wrong. I also sent out an SOS to all of my prayer warriors to begin to storm heaven!

Thy Will Be Done - Part 1

     My alarm went off last Monday morning and while getting out of bed, I remembered it was Our Lady’s birthday. That thought brought a smile to my face, and I wished my sweet Mother, “Happy Birthday!”  I always hold Mary’s feast days dear and one way I honor her is by wearing something blue. It is my way of keeping her close to me as I navigate through the day.

     I had nothing unusual planned that day: Mass, quiet prayer time, exercise and back to my house to do my normal Monday chores. When I arrived back home, I saw my husband’s car was still there. Jonathan was busy placing some phone calls for work, so I had my breakfast and then began my chores.

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 3

     I was back to my original question. Lord, who do You say that I am? If I’m not Your servant, than who am I? Like Jacob, I did a lot of wrestling with God. Through much pain, suffering, and letting go of the burdens I had placed upon myself, the answer finally did come. I was not just God’s servant, but He revealed to me that I am His Daughter, who happens to get to serve Him. He takes all my effort as a gift. He knows that the results of my efforts are not in my control. He reminded me that He is God and I am not. He wants me to trust Him with my children, because He loves them even more than I do. He helped me recall how He has been with me on my journey through life and that I did not always choose as He would have preferred, nevertheless, He was with me in spite of my choices. He has continued to guide and accompany me on my journey.

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 2 of 3

     When God poses a question to me, He knows I will not rest until I get an answer. The question that God had placed on my heart was, “Who are you?” I really wasn't sure. What had been such a rock solid identity was suddenly shaky and uncertain. I in turn had to turn to God and ask Him, “Who, Lord, do You say that I am?”  It took some time, but the answer did come, little by little. I knew in the depths of my heart that what I was experiencing was both a natural and supernatural evolution to a better me. I knew that I had to trust that God was involved with every aspect of this change, but that I had to be patient and surrender to His molding and shaping….no matter how painful it seemed at times.

     God had me look at the different identities I played in my life. In my early years, I was daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. Later on, girlfriend, wife, daughter, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law and now grandmother. I had adjusted well to each identity. I had handled our daughter’s marriage quite well and becoming a grandmother was wonderful! Why was I struggling so? What was so different now? This was a wonderful time in our lives, so why did I feel so displaced?        
  

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 1

   Knowing who I am and feeling confidant and self assured was normal for me for a good part of my life. I did well in school, had a nice social life, knew my role in my family and had a comfortable relationship with God. I even managed to get through the late 60’s and early 70’s with my faith and morals pretty much intact and marry a wonderful guy, and all this happened by the time I was twenty years old.

     I remember Helen Reddy belting out the song “I am Woman” in 1972 and somehow not really being able to relate to her battle cry. I never felt held down or unable to reach my goals. I never looked at being a woman as something inferior, nor did I feel looked down upon. I was always someone who achieved the goals I had set for myself. I did not feel like I had missed out or was limited by life’s choices because I was a woman and now, a wife and hoped to be a “stay at home” mother.  The role and identity of women seemed to take an even greater shift in the late 70’s and 80’s and by the 90’s, finding fulfillment in “just” motherhood was almost extinct.

God Will Provide

     “We use the talents we possess to the best of our ability and leave the results to God. We are at peace in the knowledge that He is pleased with our effort and that His Providence will take care of the fruits of those efforts.                                                                      Mother Angelica



     It’s been well over four months since the birth of Avia Joy. Like any mother trying to adjust to her “new baby,” I too have had many challenges, as well as life lessons.

     I was way too ambitious, or naive, at first, believing that I could write three posts weekly. I didn't think it would be a problem since I had a “cushion” of nine posts written and would replace them as each one was published. I was shocked to see that life did not afford me that luxury and before I knew it, my cushion was gone!

Blessed Teresa and the Sacrament of Love

     “We have ups and downs and sickness and sufferings. This is part of the cross. Anyone who imitates Him to the full must share in His passion also. That is why we need prayer . . . that is why we need the Bread of Life . . . that is why we have Adoration.”                                                                                                                                                                                            Blessed Mother Teresa


     After her death, Mother Teresa’s spiritual director revealed to the world her intense “dark night.” It became clearer just how deeply Mother Teresa shared in the passion of Christ. Many were shocked and startled by that fact, because her actions gave no indication of her acute suffering. Despite her feelings of abandonment and deep loneliness, she continued to carry out the mission that Our Lord had placed on her heart so many years ago.

Oh, the Wisdom of God

     My brother Issac had just gotten his driver’s license and was allowed to borrow our mother’s car for a night out with a friend. He was very excited and promised to be home before his curfew, which was midnight.

     The night went well, but when Issac dropped his friend at home, it was dark. My brother was not familiar with the neighborhood. Because of his lack of confidence and trying to prove himself an adult, he wouldn't ask for directions. He instead drove around for some time, unable to find familiar landmarks. This was before the days of cell phones, so his next task was to locate a phone booth to solicit help from one of his married siblings.

Bless Them; Change Me

     I was puzzled and struggled within myself because I just didn't seem to be able to navigate in peaceful waters with several relationships.  If I zigged, I should have zagged. If I spoke, I should have kept silent. It seemed that whatever I said or did was misconstrued, in ways never intended. I was frustrated and confused because my aim was to love, appreciate and enjoy, but the fruits were found wanting.

     Thanks be to God, the time came for me to see my spiritual director. This would afford me a safe and private place to voice my concerns and receive the grace and good counsel I was now lacking.

Confessions of a 'Seasoned' Mother -- Part 2

     I felt perplexed, like knowing the answer to a crossword puzzle but not being able to spell the word correctly. Wasn't my goal in raising our children to help them become independent and responsible adults? It appeared as if I had succeeded, so why did I feel so badly?

     When my children were little, there were times I would have loved to have some quiet time and not be needed so much. Back then, I looked forward to ‘the time’ when my husband and I would have more time together and we wouldn't always be taking the back seat. What about my relationship with God? Getting up at dawn for some quiet prayer could now be moved to a later time, if I so chose. I needed to look at the positive side in this situation. Be grateful for the past; but move on to the present. When you’re talking about your feelings, it is easier said than done, so I continued to beseech God to give me an insight into my dilemma.

Confessions of a 'Seasoned' Mother -- Part 1

     I considered myself a ‘seasoned’ mother. Having been blessed with five children and the luxury to be an ‘at home’ mom, we had successfully navigated through many of life’s experiences and created a deep family bond.

     Our two youngest would be graduating; one from grade school and one from high school, so once again, we were looking at colleges. Although our three oldest had finished college, they had all commuted, so we had not experienced their absence from our home. I have to admit, I liked it that way. I enjoyed the ‘live at home ‘connection we shared.

      So that was our plan. Our son would find a local college and commute, just like his siblings.

The Assumption of Mary

Oh, my Dear Sweet Glorious Mother
You who were not God

Followed His will so completely and generously

As no human had done before and none since.
You who were so wrapped up in God

And not in self

Became eucharist and gave all

So that He who was All

Could become Eucharist for us.

You surrendered yourself to God

So He in turn

Could surrender Himself to us.

You gave us your Son and we killed Him….

And still you stood by us

Giving birth to us to new life.

Help me my Mother!

Help me to let go of self as you did.

Help me to surrender my will

So I may resemble you and your Son Jesus.

Help me not to fear the dying I must do

In order to live fully in Christ.

As you imitated Father, Son and Spirit in their self giving

Help me to do the same

In all the big and small ways that come into my daily life.

Help me to abandon myself

And become so wrapped up in God as you were

That I, like you, forget myself.

O Sweet Mother of Humility

God could not resist sweeping you up to heaven to Himself

To be the Bride

Pure and spotless and radiant in beauty

The perfect honor of our race.

Help me, your daughter,

To resemble, even slightly, the Mother,

So that God cannot resist me also.

Mary, Queen of Heaven,

Pray for me!

Patient trust

“If we patiently accept through love all that God allows to happen, then we will begin to taste even here on earth something of the delights the saints experienced in heaven.”                                                                                                                                                                                                    St. Jane Frances De Chantal

     When I read quotes like this, I feel as though I still have much to do to advance in my walk with God. I feel challenged enough in trying to accept, through love, all that God allows to happen, but to do it with patience, is usually beyond me!

Don't look at that -- look at Me!

     When my youngest child was a toddler and his four his siblings were in school, I was his chief playmate and source of entertainment. There were times during our day together when I grew weary of playing G.I. Joe, Stars Wars and Nintendo, and would reach for a magazine and discreetly page through it while pretending to be engaged in our activity.

     It was not long before my son took notice of my actions. Reaching with his sweet little hand, he turned my face toward him and said, “Don’t look at that – look at me!” His gentle way of calling me back managed to touch my heart and make him, once again, the object of my focus.

An unexpected gift

     My husband and I were out to dinner, and thoughts of an upcoming retreat kept popping into my mind. I dismissed the thought, since I had not planned to attend and it was less than a week away. I also assumed that most likely it was filled, since it was being given by renowned Directors. But there it was again! I could not get this thought out of my mind. I began to wonder if I was supposed to attend.

     Wanting to put this question to rest, I finally succumbed to the nagging, and casually mentioned it to my husband.  He was quite agreeable to the idea and told me to look into it. I called on Monday morning and was delighted to learn that they had extended the number of attendees and I could be part of it. I asked if I would be able to stay there, or would I need to commute? That answer was uncertain and they would let me know. I knew that I needed to trust that if God had worked this out so far, He would continue to work things out for my best interest.

Stand in hope

“Hope is patience with a lamp lit”                                                 Tertullian


     Something stirred within my heart when I read Tertullian’s words,  “Hope is patience with a lamp lit.”       I felt as though I was engulfed in darkness – without any light. His words caused me to entertain the idea that, just maybe, there was a dim flicker of which I was unaware until that moment. The possibility that hope was present in the burden that plagued my soul began to dawn on me.

Listen, ponder and pray

     “If you really want to become holy, don’t ask your friends, most especially your spiritual friends. Ask the people you live with, how you need to change to grow in holiness.  And when they tell you – and they will – don’t react and get defensive. Think about what they say – bring it to prayer and see if there is any truth in it.”

     These were the words spoken by a priest many years ago, and I was one of the brave ones who decided to give it a try. I’m the kind of person who likes a challenge, so I figured if I was really serious in growing in my relationship with God, what would I have to lose? Besides, I really didn't expect to receive any revelations

An awakening

     I love the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but that wasn't always so. I grew up during the time when weekly confession was expected. The sisters had impressed upon us the need to keep our souls spotless to receive Jesus in Holy Communion and we readily complied.

     After the Vatican Council, it seemed as if we lost our ‘sense of sin,’ so little by little, the time between each of my confessions grew. I reasoned that I really wasn't a bad person and loved God a lot, so I justified my actions as okay. As a young adult, I made sure I made my ‘Easter duty’ and was quite pleased that I made it a priority and was a good Daughter of the Church.

Seeking holiness

     We so often act as though holiness is something very complicated and out of our reach – like there’s a ‘hidden formula’ to follow – and so we spend our time searching for it, in the hope that when it’s found – just maybe we’ll get it right -- and then we’ll be holy!

     Our good God did not make our sanctification an impossible feat – but placed His Holy Spirit within our souls to direct our every thought, word, and deed . . . but we must be attentive to His voice and then surrender to His promptings, so He may form Jesus in us.

God's will be done

     Accepting all as God’s will is such a challenge!

     

     The good things that happen are certainly easy to accept and see God’s hand in them; then we thank and praise Him. It’s the difficult things that just seem to happen – the trials that purify our will and challenge us to trust when everything within us feels like rebelling or just giving up!

Pondering life through the heart of Mary

     “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”

     As I meditated on those words, I felt stunned! I was familiar with St. Luke’s scripture passage about the Child Jesus staying behind in Jerusalem, not to mention the fact that I had prayed that mystery of the rosary and meditated on it hundreds of times. Maybe that was it! Because of my familiarity with this passage, I did not expect to learn anything new about it…about Our Lady…about myself.

Catherine and the Hail Holy Queen

     Her name was Catherine. I did not know her, but was asked to visit and bring Jesus to her, in Holy Communion. She resided in a nursing home and dying of stomach cancer.

     Although I had visited and ministered to dying people in the past, I was taken aback when I walked into Catherine’s room. She was very frail and weak and quite emaciated from the disease.  Cancer had taken its toll, and she was, for the most part, bedridden. She spoke very softly and I needed sit close to her in order to hear. It seemed clear to me that death was not far off and that her suffering was intense.

The slow work of God

     “Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability – and that it may take a very long time . . . And so it is with you. Your ideas mature gradually – let them grow; let them shape themselves without undue haste. Don’t try to ‘force’ them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make you tomorrow. Only God could say what this is new spirit, gradually forming within you, will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you surely through the obscurity and the becoming, and accept, for love of Him, the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.


     God has a plan and vision for each of us; to become the man or woman that He has called us to be from all eternity – to become a saint -- and that could take a heck of a long time, with a whole lot of ‘tweaking!’

Without distinction

     “Lord, if you tell me to love others just as You love them, then You must love them in me and through me. So the closer my union with You, the more I love all without distinction.” St. Therese of Lisieux


     What a challenge -- to love as He loves! St. Therese knew the difficulty of loving prickly personalities. We all have people in our families and in our lives, who test us in ways that are sometimes maddening! These very people have the capability, depending on how we handle it, of helping us become great saints or sinners – it’s up to us.

Be still and know that I am God

     “For though the fig tree blossoms not, nor fruit be on the vines, though the yield of the olive fail and the terraces produce no nourishment, though the flocks disappear from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the Lord and exult in my saving God. God, my Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet swift as those of hinds and enables me to go upon the heights.”                                                                                             Habakkuk 3 vs 17-19


     Holding on to God and trying desperately to cling to hope, at times when heartfelt prayer seems unanswered, is very, very difficult! During these dark periods of our lives, when God seems to be deaf and what we are praying for seems like ‘a good thing,’ we are at a loss of just why our request remains unanswered

Finding peace for our restless hearts.

     We are all longing for peace…that feeling of contentment…a sense of well-being…an inner stillness--and our society, well aware of our yearning, tries to sell us the ultimate vacation…that brand new car…that piece of jewelry…that one possession that will achieve the feeling for which we are searching.

     And it seems for a time to bring us contentment until the feeling begins to fade and we are off searching for the next thing to fill our void.

     Nothing of this world will bring us lasting peace. At times we often forget that we are wayfarers and sojourners, with a destination engraved on our hearts for Someone who is not of this world.  

The treasure of the Cross

    “To live in love is not to set up our tent on Tabor.  It is to climb Calvary with Jesus and see the Cross as a treasure.”
                                                                                            St. Therese of Lisieux

                                                   
                                                           
      When I read about the saints, I am reminded how very much I need to grow and change! We’d all like to “set our tents on Mt. Tabor”…didn't St. Peter want to do the same?  Gee, maybe there is hope for us after all! It is clear that St. Peter grew in his love for God, gave his life to serve Christ and eventually, became a martyr. Apparently at some point, Peter, like Therese, came to see the Cross as a treasure.

Handing it all over to God--to rest in His love

     “And when the night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much one has planned has been left undone, when so many things rouse shame, and regret, then take all as it is, lay it in God’s hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest, and to begin the new day like a new life.”                                                                                      
                                                                                                        St. Edith Stein


     We all have days, and sometimes even weeks like this. We have so much to do, with so little time in which to accomplish it—or so it seems. Our day is planned and before we even get started, events move out of our control, and our plans are vastly changed, and sometimes even dashed.

Allowing God to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary!

“Our perfection does not consist of doing extraordinary things but to do the ordinary well.”                                 St. Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows


     According to the wisdom of St. Gabriel, perfection is within the reach of each of us.  Most of us live our vocations in the nitty gritty of everyday life . . . and it is in performing our daily tasks, for the love of God, which brings about our growth in holiness.

Loved by Someone -- just because!

     “I have stilled and quieted my soul like a weaned child. Like a weaned child on its mother’s lap, so is my soul within me.”

     These words from Psalm 131 punctured my heart.

     It was part of my penance to pray and meditate on that psalm because my soul was so far from stillness and peace.

Create a clean heart in me, O God!

     As I lie prostrate, that summer afternoon, in my empty parish Church, I begged God to help me to love my sister. I told Him that He was going to have to give me His heart and do it for me because I knew that I had failed miserably.

     I had not started my day off on the wrong foot…quiet prayer time, morning Mass, breakfast, and then the Wednesday morning bible study that I facilitated at my home...  The only difference would be that my sister Yoana would be a part of the bible study because another sister was in town and we would afterwards go out to lunch and do a little shopping.

Our Lady of Vladimir

     Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Vladimir, also known as Our Lady of Tenderness and the Birthgiver of God.*   

 

     Years before the birth of Avia Joy, I discovered the icon of Our Lady of Vladimir in a religious store and immediately bonded with her. The love that was so evident between Mother and Child struck deep within my heart. Their “cheek to cheek” embrace, with little Jesus’ arm wrapped around His Mommy’s neck, clasping her face, brought back many cherished memories of the babies and toddlers I've held close to my heart. His eyes are riveted on her and yet she stares out with a bit of sadness knowing the fate that awaits her dear little Son. . .but she holds Him now . . .close to her heart. She will protect Him and do all she can to fill His world with love; to keep Him safe and guard Him while it’s in her power to do so . . . But too soon a time will come, when she will have to let go and allow her Son to fulfill His mission – the mission she said “yes” to, when she agreed to be the Mother of the Savior.

The way it shapes my life

     I can't even fathom, nor would want to imagine, what my life would be without God and my Catholic faith! The impact they have had, has been all encompassing. . .most especially in my adult years. I don't believe I would be the woman I am today without them.

     I have been shaped, formed, and stretched in ways that I would not have chosen on my own. I have been called to love, when I would have preferred to lash out; to seek forgiveness; when I did not think I was the guilty party; to give, when I just did not feel like it. I am called to love others as God loves me, which will be a challenge until the day I die - it may kill me trying to do that!

The Family of God

     Belonging to the Family of God brings such a smile to my face! And finding out all that I can about my holy "siblings," has been a source of pride and pleasure, throughout my life.

     Of course, every family has a mother, and God's family is no different. Mary is "The Mother" par excellence and holds each one of her children in her Immaculate Heart to bring them to Christ, her
Son. While on earth, Our Lady lived as the perfect disciple, by accepting God's will with complete trust, as it was revealed to her. We are called to imitate Mary by doing the same, for in scripture she tells us, "to do whatever He tells you." In her unique role, as Queen of angels and saints, she sends help from heaven in our struggle toward sanctity, and watches over us with a mother's love.

My Catholic faith

       My Catholic faith is not something that I just practice on Sundays, but is an integral part of my life. It is the air that I breathe, the blood in my veins, the beats of my heart. It is at the core of my identity and a gift from God that I cherish deeply.

     Like an acorn planted long ago at my Baptism, it has changed and grown over the years, into a large tree whose roots stretch deeply into the Church to find its nourishment. It has experienced both bright sunny days, as well as dark stormy nights, but with the grace of God, has managed to remain standing tall.

It's about my journey with Them

       I have journeyed for a little more than six decades with the Blessed Three, and although I know I am now living in the "autumn" of my life, I still feel a youthfulness within my being. I believe it is Their Life within me bursting forth, bringing about a freshness and newness that otherwise would be absent. They have found a home within my heart, and I humbly cherish Their Presence.

     My journey has a destination, and that destination is, hopefully, heaven. This has been an awareness that I've had all of my life, though at times, my decisions did not reflect that fact. But my God is a patient and loving God, and like a GPS, has redirected me when I have wandered off course.

The Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me

     As a child, and even for much of my adult life, my relationship with the Holy Spirit has not been what I would necessarily call personal. I received the Sacrament of Confirmation in third grade, and although I was catechized very well - I was a Baltimore Catechism student - I didn't really feel close to the Holy Spirit. Sure I prayed to Him at what I saw as the appropriate times; like to help me remember the answers to a test for which I had studied, or for the right words to say in a difficult situation. I also asked Him for specific gifts, fruits and graces, since I figured that was His territory. But it wasn't really much of a relationship.

The Son - My dear sweet Jesus

     I'm really not sure when I began to call the Son, "my dear sweet Jesus", but I believe it was somewhere in my adult life. As a child, I just called Him "Jesus," but there was a certain sweetness in the sound of His name. I knew how precious I was to Him because of His death for me on the cross, and was very much aware of Jesus' love.

     I was very excited when I was getting prepared to receive Jesus in Holy Communion. I wanted to make my heart a perfect dwelling place for Him and keep it spotless. I remember practicing a song entitled, "Little White Guest,"* and singing it wholeheartedly when that special day arrived. Throughout my life, that song still warms my heart and brings feelings of love and tenderness for our Lord.

The Father - He told me to call Him Papa

     When I was a little girl and thought about God the Father, my concept of Him was the "God in charge." Jesus was the obedient Son and the Holy Spirit, well, He did whatever the Father or Jesus asked Him to do.

     At the same time, I thought of Him as my heavenly Father who cared and watched over me. I knew that He loved me very much because He had sent Jesus to open the gates of heaven, that had been closed because of the sin of Adam and Eve. He wanted me to be a good little girl so I could be with Him someday in heaven. It saddened me that there were people who did not love God, nor want to make Him happy. I promised Him at a young age to do what I could to show my love for Him.

My relationship with my God

     I can't even remember a time in my life when I didn't know and love God. I was blessed to be baptized within two weeks of my birth. My parents then placed me on the altar of God to be offered to Him; they also dedicated me to Our Lady. In honor of Mary, I wore only blue and white until I was seven years old.  As I got old enough to notice pretty pink dresses or red and black velvet ones at Christmas time, I wished that I was not so restricted in my choices.  What a sacrifice and hardship that must have been for my mother, being limited to just two colors when buying clothes.

Avia Joy is all about relationship

       Relationships - our lives are full of them! Some warm our hearts and make our lives worth living, while others challenge and stretch us. There are also some that we feel indifference toward. They really don't impact our lives in a deep or lasting way, so we put no effort to deepen them.

     Although there are people we just "click" with, for the most part, relationships that we cherish did not develop over night. It took time and effort from both parties to become bosom friends.

A sign, Papa - You have to send me a sign!

     Although things were moving along with Avia Joy, I was starting to feel somewhat uncertain and insecure about the territory that I was journeying toward. If I did decide to give birth to this new creation, how many times a week would I be committing to write? Would I have enough material to do so? Who would be interested anyway?

Avia Joy has two unique birthmarks

     Before the birth of Avia Joy, while she was still being formed within the womb of my heart, and designed by the inspiration of God, I just has a sense that something was missing.

     She was lovely to behold - there was no denying that! Her soft shades of coral and blue - her beautiful name - her unique description - and of course, I can't forget the hummingbirds. It was all so very pretty, but not quite complete.

Avia Joy - How do I describe you?

     How does one describe part of one's heart?. . . One's deeply held beliefs?. . . The core of one's being? How do I describe this new creation, that will invite you to want to journey with me?

     I really didn't know, but it was Sunday, and Tuesday was right around the corner. I wanted to get my homework assignment at least started. I needed to come up with a description that would explain Avia Joy. I desperately wanted to have something to show my daughter- in- law, so we could move along with our new creation.

Avia Joy - who will she look like? No - what will she look like?

     Although there is talk about "designer babies" these days, it wasn't so when I had my children. Who would they look like? What color hair and eyes? Their gender,weight and height were all things you pondered. The answers wouldn't be known until that blessed event occurred. But once they were born, it didn't much matter, because you loved them so very much.

The Birth of Avia Joy

     Like Sarah and Elizabeth, I was beyond my childbearing years, but for a number of months now, I felt the sense of a new life bubbling within my being.

     I had felt this way almost four years ago, when I ended up giving birth to a manuscript about a very holy woman, but that's another story.