Freed from the Mire

 “You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped” Jer. 20:7.

That scripture, those thoughts, that idea, was being seared into my mind, and deep within my being. Again, and again and again. The evil one wanted me to agree, accept and own that truth…except it wasn’t truth. It was a downright lie! Jesus warned us about the devil. “He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in truth, because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he speaks in character, because he is a liar and the father of lies” Jn.8:44-45.

ALL WILL BE WELL

   “But there are some things that you cannot be sure of. You must take a chance. If you wait for perfect weather, you will never plant your seeds. If you are afraid that every cloud will bring rain, you will never harvest your crops. You don’t know where the wind blows.” Ecclesiates 11:4

     It’s been three years since my husband, and I went on our pilgrimage to France. 

     My dream was to go to Lisieux to visit the sites of St. Therese, my love, while Jonathan’s was to encounter Normandy Beach. Neither happened. Quite unexpectedly, only twenty-four hours after we landed, my husband experienced a very serious medical issue, which landed him in the hospital for the remaining time of our pilgrimage, minus one day. Although we were both very disappointed, we were just happy to get home alive. I remember kissing the ground when we landed.

Destined for More

     It’s already near the end of the fifth week of Lent and a reflection that I read on Ash Wednesday has stayed within my heart and soul. 

     It’s a continuing theme that resonates deep within me, and in talking with different spiritual friends, I hear it echoed in our conversations.

God's Will: A Treasure Unearthed

      “Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write. Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to ‘give away’ on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and gradually come in touch with our own riches.”                                                                                                                                                            Henri Nouwen

    For some time, I have avoided the urge to write. I did not feel as though I’d be “gradually coming in touch with my riches.” 

     It is true that in writing, we do discover what lives in us. There are times when admitting to “that life within,” is not something we want to reveal to ourselves, let alone to others.

     But the call to write and mine the findings became stronger than my reluctance. I had to be true to my calling from God and begin the journey.

A Babe in Mary's Womb

     I sat at my computer, one day in mid-April, scrolling through my emails. There were so many each day, that I did my best to go through them daily, reading those I judged valuable and deleting the others.  

      A women’s apostolate, whose blog I read on occasion, was inviting its followers to make a consecration to our Lady. 

     I quickly deleted the email because I had made several consecrations to Mary and did not feel called to do another one. Good, I thought, no need to put something else on my plate. Besides, I have a wonderful relationship with Mama Mary, and I do not see the need to even entertain the thought. 

     Delete. Done. Finished! 

Be A Pilgrim--Not A Tourist

       “The human heart plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." Proverbs 16: 9

    It was almost 9 years ago, that I experienced my first group pilgrimage. Sometime before we left, we met as a group with the priest who would be leading us on our journey. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to hear all the details about our trip.

Shaken From My Sleep

      “O my God, You and You alone are all wise and knowing! You know, You have determined everything that will happen to us from first to last. You have ordered things in the wisest way, and You know what will be my lot year by year until I die. You know how long I have to live. You know how I shall die. You have precisely ordained everything, sin excepted. Every event of my life is the best for me that could be for it comes from You. You bring me on year by year, by your wonderful Providence, from youth to age, with the most perfect wisdom, and with the most perfect love.”       

                                                                               St. John Henry Cardinal Newman

     Holy Scripture confirms this truth: “You have seen my actions; in Your book they are all written; my days were limited before one of them existed” (Psalm 139: 16).

Embrace with Submission: Submit with Faith

      “The divine activity permeates the whole universe, it pervades every creature; wherever they are it is there; it goes before them, with them, and it follows them; all they have to do is to let the waves bear on them. Would to God that...all men could know how very easy it would be for them to arrive at a high degree of sanctity. They would only have to fulfill the simple duties of Christianity and of their state in life; to embrace with submission the crosses belonging to that state, and to submit with faith and love to the designs of Providence in all those things that have to be done or suffered without going out of their way to seek occasions for themselves…This is the spirituality of all ages and of every state. No state of life can, assuredly, be sanctified in a more exalted manner, nor in a more wonderful and easy way than by the simple use of the means that God, the sovereign director of souls, given them to do or to suffer at each moment."                                                                                                                                             Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade            

     As I read this quote of Fr. de Caussade, from Abandonment to Divine Providence, I take pause…take a deep breathe, and think, you say this is easy? Maybe I misread--oh--not easy, but very easy!

Be Not Afraid!

      “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5

     As I gazed upon that scripture verse, hanging on the wall of my bedroom, I longed for that to be true. I knew I was so very far away from finding my rest and hope in Him alone.

God, You Know the Whole of It

      “God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we might be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.”                       St. Ignatius Loyola

     God’s love was calling me, no, urging me, to move beyond fear this past month since my husband’s “heart event.” And praise to God, as well as thanks to all those praying for us, I am at peace. 

Relying on the Rock

     “Only in God be at rest my soul, for from Him comes my hope. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be disturbed.”                                         Psalm 62: 7

     I wanted so to pray that psalm in truth but could not. I was far from feeling peace…in fact, I was downright full of fear! I had experienced something traumatic, and the image was emblazed in my mind. It was haunting me! The scenario kept playing itself over and over in my memory, filling me with fear.

Hold Nothing Back -- Give ALL

      You will remember that in our Lord’s counsels for perfection: “Give not only thy coat but thy cloak also”; “Go not only one mile but other two.” He would have us know we are to be wholly forgetful of ourselves and consider only the other. He does not say: “Give thy cloak if thou canst possibly do without it”; “go other two miles if it is convenient, or if you are not too fatigued.” He would not have us consider ourselves in the least. This is generous love and nothing less worthy of a Carmelite soul. These counsels of our Lord are for those desiring perfection, for those who love Him enough to want to be perfect. He knows that such souls – real lovers – will only need to know His good pleasure. They do not consider the cost to themselves, unless it be to offer Him thanks that they can give Him something that does cost. Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament

     Mother Aloysius is inviting us to heroic, generous love…to love as God has loved us…holding nothing back…and giving ALL!

The Assumption of Mary

 Oh, my Dear Sweet Glorious Mother

You who were not God

Followed His will so completely and generously

As no human had done before and none since.

You who were so wrapped up in God

And not in self

Became Eucharist and gave all

So that He who was All

Could become Eucharist for us.

You surrendered yourself to God

So He in turn

Could surrender Himself to us.

You gave us your Son and we killed Him….

And still you stood by us

Giving birth to us to new life.

Help me my Mother!

Help me to let go of self as you did.

Help me to surrender my will

So I may resemble you and your Son Jesus.

Help me not to fear the dying I must do

In order to live fully in Christ.

As you imitated Father, Son and Spirit in their self giving

Help me to do the same

In all the big and small ways that come into my daily life.

Help me to abandon myself

And become so wrapped up in God as you were

That I, like you, forget myself.

O Sweet Mother of Humility

God could not resist sweeping you up to heaven to Himself

To be the Bride

Pure and spotless and radiant in beauty

The perfect honor of our race.

Help me, your daughter,

To resemble, even slightly, the Mother,

So that God cannot resist me also.

Mary, Queen of Heaven,

Pray for me!

A Hellish Storm

      “He got into a boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but He was asleep.”   Matthew 8:23-24

     Although it had been hot, it was a beautiful day! The sky was a lovely color of blue: much like our Lady’s mantle.

     It was after dinner and my husband, and I began to pray our daily rosary. As we sat on our sectional, looking out at the beautiful evening sky, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, a huge dark black cloud began to appear from the west. It was moving very quickly, and the stunning blue sky was being devoured by the darkness that was overtaking it. The wind began to blow. In no time it became a violent wind, threatening everything that lay in its path. Torrents of rain fell from the heavens. Lightning lit up the darkness while thunder bellowed, making its presence known!

TRUST ME

     “Do you believe that I am the Son of God? And do you believe that I died for all men and women and that I rose from the dead? Then why do you continue to be distracted and anxious about your loved ones? Do they not also belong to me? Would I refuse to work in their lives just as I work in yours? I have not put you in charge of saving them. Your task is to love, to forgive, to pray for them and to turn them over to Me. Come closer to Me yourself and I will do the rest. TRUST  Me!"                      Author Unknown

     As I entered our adoration chapel, I saw a dear friend. We hadn’t seen one another for a little while because she’d been away, visiting family. No one but Jesus was in the chapel, so I bent down to give her a long overdue hug and welcomed her back.

     I sat next to her, and she asked me about my cares and concerns. When she was away, I had texted her, to ask for prayers: I was experiencing spiritual suffering. She is a mighty intercessor, and I knew her prayers would make a difference. Although I was uniting my suffering for my special concerns with Jesus, it was still very difficult. 

An Unquenchable Thirst

     “We shall be haunted by a nostalgia for divine things, by a homesickness for God which is not eased in this world even by the presence of God."  Caryll Houselander

     This very feeling or “homesickness for God,” is something that we all experience…religious or not and fail to recognize it as such.

     We mistake its source and find ourselves trying to “fill up” or take away the feeling with endless activity, food, drink, tv, social media, family, friends and whatever. The truth of the matter is the more we try, the more frustrated and unsatisfied we become…

Companions on the Journey

      “There is a space formed by the particular shape of our life. It is meant for God Himself to indwell. This must be felt as a lack…and it comes about through daily circumstances. It may be caused by a cavern of a lonely heart, the ache of a lost one, the yearning that comes from ‘not yet being home.’ In truth we are to glory in this emptiness—for it is the price we pay for such an immense dignity. To wait in courage for God to fill our particular emptiness is one of the most profound of love's acts."        Ed Colin

He Must Increase; I Must Decrease

     “So many hours of work and now it is ruined—but it isn’t really so at all. Every stitch was taken for Jesus and was an offering of love to Him, but He wanted so much more. He wanted it all to come to nothing to see if it really was wholly for Him.”        Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament

     I like to have control. I like to be in control! That’s correct. You’ve heard right. I’ve admitted it. I’ve said it out loud in this vast blogsphere. So, writing a spiritual blog at times for me, is very difficult.

Acquiesce to the Sovereign Director of Souls

      “The divine activity permeates the whole universe, it pervades every creature; wherever they are it is there; it goes before them, with them, and it follows them; all they have to do is let the waves bear them on. Would to God…all men could know how very easy it would be for them to arrive at a high degree of sanctity. They would only have to fulfill the simple duties of Christianity and of their state of life; to embrace with submission the crosses belonging to their state, and to submit with faith and love to the designs of Providence in all those things that have to be done or suffered without going out of their way to seek occasions for themselves. …This is the spirituality of all ages and of every state. No state of life can, assuredly, be sanctified in a more exalted manner, nor in a more wonderful and easy way than by the simple use of the means that God, the sovereign director of souls, gives them to do or to suffer at each moment.”                    Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

     Father de Caussade’s spirituality of abandonment to Divine Providence, has always resonated deep within my heart. His firm assurance that God is not like a clock maker who made us and then left us on our own to find our way back to Him and heaven someday but accompanies and directs us on our journey. 

Don't Lose Hope...Dreams Do Come True!

         "God would not inspire me with desires which cannot be realized."                                                                                                                                                                  St. Therese                                                                                                                                                            

     For some time in early January, I felt a nudge, again and again from St. Therese and St. Denis to come to France. I felt puzzled by the inspiration and kept wondering if it truly was coming from them or from my vivid imagination.