The Rocky, Bumpy Road to Bethlehem

     “Be on guard so that your hearts are not weighed down with the worries of this life.”   
                                                                                                          Luke 21:34


     Thanksgiving was behind me.

     Advent was quickly approaching.

     My prayer: My God, on what do You want me to focus in order for my heart and mind to be ready for Jesus on Christmas morning?

     You may not realize it, but I like to have a plan and not waste any time, whipping myself into spiritual shape. God knew what He was doing in not having me born during the times of hair shirts and self-flagellation!

     Each time I brought this thought to prayer, I got the sense that God wanted me to work on becoming gentler and more patient ABOUT myself. “That’s a novel thought. Doesn’t sound too difficult! Maybe it’s not from God… I’ll keep asking.”

     But the answer did not change. It remained the same: be gentler with yourself and more patient. “Hmm. I guess this IS what He wants.”

     As I thought and prayed about God’s answer, it became clear that the past twenty-two months have been pretty intense. Truth be told, as I pondered more fully, it became evident that I have not given myself a break! When my different faults and foibles were revealed to me in either prayer, or in life situations, I was sent into a panic! It was all up to me to change, and to do it quickly! I went to work, doing I what I could to remedy my behavior. I expected far too much from myself and wanted to eradicate the imperfections that I saw right then and there. I searched for books to help, spent time in prayer and talked to family members and friends. I also spent time before Our Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, hoping He would heal me of all my brokenness. I wanted to fix it, take control of the situation and become that woman God has called me to be from all eternity, without any more delay!

     To my surprise, this is not the route God is purposing. God is calling me to slow down. Take a deep breath and accept both His help, as well as His timing. He is calling me to stop the frantic pace of having to be perfect. Perfection was not His idea, but mine. Ugh!

     Why was I trying so hard? After all, intellectually, I knew I was far from perfect, but when all of my imperfections were revealed to me, my reaction said otherwise. I didn’t want to take the slow, sometimes painful, long road and journey to change. I wanted to be on the fast track and just arrive. Well, maybe not just arrive. I was willing to do the hard work that was involved, but I wanted it to be over in a timely fashion.

     Unbeknown to me, I had let my heart get weighed down with the worries of my life, trying to fix myself. I am not the Potter, He is!

     God has impressed on my heart that becoming THAT woman, will take a lifetime and possibly, some time in purgatory as well! It will take my cooperation, but is His work and timeline. I still need to be alert to His promptings and grace, and open myself to His design.

     This will still involve prayer, receiving the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Penance, time before the Blessed Sacrament, asking for His healing for my own woundedness, spiritual reading, as well as speaking with family and friends about cares and concerns, as they present themselves. I will still try to practice all the lessons He has taught me these past number of months and stay His course. But my attitude with my effort will be quite different. I will stop trying so hard, believing it is ALL UP TO ME! I will also have to remind myself that I do not have the timeline by which it HAS to happen! Only the good Lord knows when He will be calling me home.

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    As Advent begins, please join me on a journey. I am traveling with Mary and Joseph. Mary is very pregnant with my sweet Jesus, so I cannot be in a hurry. I must go at their pace and not my own.

     I will spend time speaking with St. Joseph, seeking the wisdom of his good counsel and direction. I will turn to him when I’m unsure of which direction to take. With his gifts, wisdom and manly care, the Holy Family arrived at their destination. He will help me to do the same.

     When I’m feeling weary of the journey, I will climb up on the donkey with Mary, and wrap my arms around Her. I’ll allow myself to be comforted by Her words, as well as The Word, safe within Her womb. I’ll speak to Her, heart to Heart, as one does to such a precious Mother. I’ll let Her nurture me with Her presence, as well as the presence of Her Son.

     This Advent, and hopefully beyond, I will allow myself the luxury, of slowing down and being gentler and patient with myself. I will breath in God’s love and acceptance of Whose I am, receiving it, so I can become who He sees when He looks so lovingly at me.

     I will try my best not to allow my heart to be weighed down by the worries and burdens of life, and instead, make room for Jesus to reside there.

     “May the God of peace Himself make you perfectly holy and my you entirely, spirit, soul, and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and He will also accomplish it” (2 Thes:23-24).
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

Remember and Rejoice

     “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  
                                                                                                            Psalm 118:24


     As I read those words, my heart cringed! I did not greet each day in that manner. In fact, those thoughts do not typically even come to mind most days.

     It pains me to admit my guilt because God is a great part of my life. My day begins with quiet prayer time and then Mass and Holy Communion. It is followed by reading daily devotionals to challenge and cement my walk with the Lord. He is on my mind throughout the day. I converse with Him continually as He journeys beside me. So, of what am I guilty?

     I am guilty of forgetting that the Lord has made this day – each and every day. He is involved with every part of it. It is filled with His presence and His grace. That very fact should cause a deep rejoicing within my being. It should uplift my spirit and give me great confidence and peace. Yet, even aware of His presence with me, there are many days I do not rejoice, nor feel glad!

     Instead, I’m busy doing all the things that need to get accomplish. The “to do” list never seems to shorten. As I’ve aged, I thought life would slow down some, but it has not. Also, as my family has grown, so have the joys and the struggles. The joys I find delightful. It’s the struggles that can weigh me down. Being burdened and busy is no excuse for neglecting to rejoice in God. So, what is out of sync?

     Have I become complacent or begun to take God and His graces and blessings for granted? You know, like after years of marriage, you can sometimes take your spouse for granted and not appreciate them. Have I become so “used” to God that I have stopped seeing all that He does for me? Have I forgotten where I would be without Him? Is it not true, that everything I do can give Him glory and that each task is my to offering to God? This is my path to holiness and heaven, and my life, as crazy and hectic as it is, is my gift to Him – and His gift to me!

     I need to refocus. I have to allow this psalm to become my morning, afternoon and evening prayer. I need to be reminded because I can forget. I want to give God my all, by letting go of my heavy, weary heart. My desire should be to bring God glory, as I accept each day with a heart full of joy. I want to remember each and every day of my life, that He has made this day for me. I need to remember that God is God and I am not. I am not called to solve every problem, nor can I.

     God will be there with His graces to help me to overcome myself, when I get weighed down with the burdens of life. He wants me to rejoice, even when life does not go the way I like. He wants me to trust that He has a plan that will sanctity me, if I cooperate with His graces. He wants me to soak in His love and His graces and not just go through the motions. I need to be aware and awake to God’s goodness and love, and never take it for granted. I long to rest in His love and allow the joy to rise within my heart. I have to trust Him more fully, so I can rejoice and be glad in whatever unfolds in my day.

     Oh my dear sweet God! I do love You so very much, but can be burdened and distracted by the duties and worries of life. Help me to be conscious that this is the day that You have made. Nothing is in it that can separate me from You and the joy You long to give me. Let me rejoice and not allow anything to rob my joy and trust in You. May I always remember that You will provide me with the grace that I need to accomplish Your holy will. Nothing happens from which You cannot bring good. Everything is grace!

     “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope” (Jer 29:11).

You -- Follow Me

     Jesus said to Peter, “Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me” (Jn. 21 vs. 18b, 19b).

       Peter turned and saw the disciple following whom Jesus loved. When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus said to him, “What if I want him to remain until I come? What concern is it of yours? You follow me” (Jn. 21 vs. 20b, 21-22).

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     Don’t you just love St. Peter? We are so very much like him in his humanness! Jesus had just told him that life will not turn out quite the way he thought. Peter’s response is to ask, “What about him?” Jesus wastes no time in putting Peter in his place and redirects Peter’s attention back to himself.

The slow work of God

     “Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability – and that it may take a very long time . . . And so it is with you. Your ideas mature gradually – let them grow; let them shape themselves without undue haste. Don’t try to ‘force’ them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make you tomorrow. Only God could say what this is new spirit, gradually forming within you, will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you surely through the obscurity and the becoming, and accept, for love of Him, the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, S.J.


     God has a plan and vision for each of us; to become the man or woman that He has called us to be from all eternity – to become a saint -- and that could take a heck of a long time, with a whole lot of ‘tweaking!’