is all about relationship - my relationship with my God: the Father - He told me to call Him Papa. . .the Son - my dear sweet Jesus. . .the Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me. It's about my journey with Them, my Catholic faith, the Family of God, and the way it shapes my life.
“God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we might be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.” St. Ignatius Loyola
God’s love was calling me, no, urging me, to move beyond fear this past month since my husband’s “heart event.” And praise to God, as well as thanks to all those praying for us, I am at peace.
“Only in God be at rest my soul, for from Him comes my hope. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be disturbed.” Psalm 62: 7
I wanted so to pray that psalm in truth but could not. I was far from feeling peace…in fact, I was downright full of fear! I had experienced something traumatic, and the image was emblazed in my mind. It was haunting me! The scenario kept playing itself over and over in my memory, filling me with fear.
You will remember that in our Lord’s counsels for perfection: “Give not only thy coat but thy cloak also”; “Go not only one mile but other two.” He would have us know we are to be wholly forgetful of ourselves and consider only the other. He does not say: “Give thy cloak if thou canst possibly do without it”; “go other two miles if it is convenient, or if you are not too fatigued.” He would not have us consider ourselves in the least. This is generous love and nothing less worthy of a Carmelite soul. These counsels of our Lord are for those desiring perfection, for those who love Him enough to want to be perfect. He knows that such souls – real lovers – will only need to know His good pleasure. They do not consider the cost to themselves, unless it be to offer Him thanks that they can give Him something that does cost. Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament
Mother Aloysius is inviting us to heroic, generous love…to love as God has loved us…holding nothing back…and giving ALL!
Kneeling, and with my hands raised to heaven, I pour out my heart to God in prayer. I pray for His guidance, claim His love, and surrender my heart. I vow to run His race and ask that His will be done in me and through me. And then it happens. I become complacent, challenges and trials come, and my once-bold heart winces. In an instant, my willingness to do His will loses its zealousness. Oh, to have the fortitude of Saint John the Baptist. Jennifer Hubbard
As I read Jennifer’s reflection, her words resonated deep within my being.
Oh, my Dear Sweet Glorious Mother
You who were not God
Followed His will so completely and generously
As no human had done before and none since.
You who were so wrapped up in God
And not in self
Became Eucharist and gave all
So that He who was All
Could become Eucharist for us.
You surrendered yourself to God
So He in turn
Could surrender Himself to us.
You gave us your Son and we killed Him….
And still you stood by us
Giving birth to us to new life.
Help me my Mother!
Help me to let go of self as you did.
Help me to surrender my will
So I may resemble you and your Son Jesus.
Help me not to fear the dying I must do
In order to live fully in Christ.
As you imitated Father, Son and Spirit in their self giving
Help me to do the same
In all the big and small ways that come into my daily life.
Help me to abandon myself
And become so wrapped up in God as you were
That I, like you, forget myself.
O Sweet Mother of Humility
God could not resist sweeping you up to heaven to Himself
To be the Bride
Pure and spotless and radiant in beauty
The perfect honor of our race.
Help me, your daughter,
To resemble, even slightly, the Mother,
So that God cannot resist me also.
Mary, Queen of Heaven,
Pray for me!
“He got into a boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but He was asleep.” Matthew 8:23-24
Although it had been hot, it was a beautiful day! The sky was a lovely color of blue: much like our Lady’s mantle.
It was after dinner and my husband, and I began to pray our daily rosary. As we sat on our sectional, looking out at the beautiful evening sky, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, a huge dark black cloud began to appear from the west. It was moving very quickly, and the stunning blue sky was being devoured by the darkness that was overtaking it. The wind began to blow. In no time it became a violent wind, threatening everything that lay in its path. Torrents of rain fell from the heavens. Lightning lit up the darkness while thunder bellowed, making its presence known!
“Do you believe that I am the Son of God? And do you believe that I died for all men and women and that I rose from the dead? Then why do you continue to be distracted and anxious about your loved ones? Do they not also belong to me? Would I refuse to work in their lives just as I work in yours? I have not put you in charge of saving them. Your task is to love, to forgive, to pray for them and to turn them over to Me. Come closer to Me yourself and I will do the rest. TRUST Me!" Author Unknown
As I entered our adoration chapel, I saw a dear friend. We hadn’t seen one another for a little while because she’d been away, visiting family. No one but Jesus was in the chapel, so I bent down to give her a long overdue hug and welcomed her back.
I sat next to her, and she asked me about my cares and concerns. When she was away, I had texted her, to ask for prayers: I was experiencing spiritual suffering. She is a mighty intercessor, and I knew her prayers would make a difference. Although I was uniting my suffering for my special concerns with Jesus, it was still very difficult.
“We shall be haunted by a nostalgia for divine things, by a homesickness for God which is not eased in this world even by the presence of God." Caryll Houselander
This very feeling or “homesickness for God,” is something that we all experience…religious or not and fail to recognize it as such.
We mistake its source and find ourselves trying to “fill up” or take away the feeling with endless activity, food, drink, tv, social media, family, friends and whatever. The truth of the matter is the more we try, the more frustrated and unsatisfied we become…
“There is a space formed by the particular shape of our life. It is meant for God Himself to indwell. This must be felt as a lack…and it comes about through daily circumstances. It may be caused by a cavern of a lonely heart, the ache of a lost one, the yearning that comes from ‘not yet being home.’ In truth we are to glory in this emptiness—for it is the price we pay for such an immense dignity. To wait in courage for God to fill our particular emptiness is one of the most profound of love's acts." Ed Colin
“So many hours of work and now it is ruined—but it isn’t really so at all. Every stitch was taken for Jesus and was an offering of love to Him, but He wanted so much more. He wanted it all to come to nothing to see if it really was wholly for Him.” Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament
I like to have control. I like to be in control! That’s correct. You’ve heard right. I’ve admitted it. I’ve said it out loud in this vast blogsphere. So, writing a spiritual blog at times for me, is very difficult.
“The divine activity permeates the whole universe, it pervades every creature; wherever they are it is there; it goes before them, with them, and it follows them; all they have to do is let the waves bear them on. Would to God…all men could know how very easy it would be for them to arrive at a high degree of sanctity. They would only have to fulfill the simple duties of Christianity and of their state of life; to embrace with submission the crosses belonging to their state, and to submit with faith and love to the designs of Providence in all those things that have to be done or suffered without going out of their way to seek occasions for themselves. …This is the spirituality of all ages and of every state. No state of life can, assuredly, be sanctified in a more exalted manner, nor in a more wonderful and easy way than by the simple use of the means that God, the sovereign director of souls, gives them to do or to suffer at each moment.” Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade
Father de Caussade’s spirituality of abandonment to Divine Providence, has always resonated deep within my heart. His firm assurance that God is not like a clock maker who made us and then left us on our own to find our way back to Him and heaven someday but accompanies and directs us on our journey.
“One should not say that it is impossible to reach a virtuous life; but one should say it is not easy. Nor do those who have reached it find it easy to maintain." St. Anthony of the Desert
I had been in such a good place: filled with peace, easily dying to self, accepting all that God set before me and truly living in the spirit!
I am not there anymore, and I’m not quite sure when I reached “this state.” I could no longer find contentment or peace.
"God would not inspire me with desires which cannot be realized." St. Therese
For some time in early January, I felt a nudge, again and again from St. Therese and St. Denis to come to France. I felt puzzled by the inspiration and kept wondering if it truly was coming from them or from my vivid imagination.
“Let us ask the Lord to grant us one very special grace: To love Our Lady, especially through all the work we do for Jesus, with Jesus, and to Jesus. We must ask Him to deepen our love for Mary, making it more personal and intimate. We want to: Love her as He loved her. Be a cause of joy to her as He was. Keep close to her as He did. Share everything with her, even the cross, as He did when she stood near the cross on Calvary. We must love her unconditionally, trust her fully, abandon ourselves to her totally and without reserve. Nothing is impossible to those who call Mary their mother. During the day, let us often raise our hearts to her to ask her how we can love God as she loved Him, that we, too, can love Him with her heart." Saint Teresa of Calcutta
As I read this request of Mother Teresa’s, a smile came to my face.
“The Lord will give you the bread you need and the water for which you thirst. No longer will your Teacher hide Himself, but with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher, while from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears; ‘This is the way; walk in it,’ when you would turn to the right or to the left. And you shall consider unclean your silver-plated idols and your gold-covered images; you shall throw them away like filthy rags to which you say, ‘Begone!’” Isaiah 30: 20-22
My heart and soul are still so full of gratitude for the great grace of “awakening” my dear Lord has granted to me. He has convicted me of the sheer madness to choose anything other than Him.
My soul was lifted within me, and I felt buoyed with hope, as I read St. John of the Cross’ words. He was describing the effects on the soul that inordinate attachments inflict upon it and their consequences.
My husband had been after me for some time to remove the crib from our office. After all, I was not watching any of our grandchildren in our home anymore, and the crib was just taking up space.
Although what he said was true, emotionally I wasn’t ready to pack it up and give it away. There was a part of me that wanted to keep it up, in the hopes that it would be needed for one of our sweet grandbabies.
“Sometimes we have to “step over” our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we can become the “offended one,” “the forgotten one,” or even “the discarded one.” Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they came from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.” Henri Nouwen
It happened again! I was feeling “that way.” I knew that my reaction to the situation was disproportionate to what was happening. I had already discussed it several times with the person, but not much had changed, and if it had, it was fleeting. I felt hurt and forgotten and I didn’t know what to do.
I felt so excited to be writing another blog post! It had been almost 11 months since my last one. So much had happened. I was compelled to tell the previous years’ story, giving glory and praise to God!
Although the fog that had surrounded me in my grief had lifted, the pain and loss was still present. The holidays are a difficult time to navigate, especially the first one when your loved one is not there.
I tried to focus on others, especially Sarah’s husband and children, offering my loss up for them in the hope of just maybe, easing their pain.
“We do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, so that you do not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose, so too will God, through Jesus, bring with Him those who have fallen asleep.” 1Thessalonias 4:13-14
I was struggling! I knew Sarah was experiencing eternal life, be it purgatory or heaven, yet I was grieving in a way I had never done before.
Thanksgiving was just around the corner, and Sarah continued to ‘hold court’ with all family members who visited. I had made my plane reservations and was counting the days, like a child waiting for Christmas, till my visit December 10th to the 15th.
Praise be to God; Sarah was really good and enjoyed everyone’s presence so much that it seemed to lend to her wellbeing. Her joy was then contagious to those around her.
Although the pilgrimage was wonderful, it felt great to be home! I couldn’t wait to talk with Sarah and make plans for our visit.
She sounded so good on the phone and wanted to know every detail of our trip…most especially the ‘special’ moments. Our conversation then shifted: when was I coming to visit? I really wanted to leave right then and there, hop in the car and go to give her a big hug and kiss. But unfortunately, I had developed a bit of a cold the last few days of the trip and wanted to be perfectly well before spending time with Sarah. That would mean I’d have to wait and not leave right away.
Today is not only our last day in Rome, but also of our pilgrimage. My heart is so full of gratitude to God for allowing Jonathan and I to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary in such a grand way!
Today was one of those days we had to remind ourselves that we were in fact, on a pilgrimage and not a luxury trip: offer it up and don’t complain. It’s not always easy, but oh, so rewarding. This can really help you to grow in holiness, if you choose to do so.
It was our last day at Lourdes, and we would begin our day with Mass. It was to be celebrated at the Grotto. My heart was singing: another opportunity to stand in the place where Our Lady and St. Bernadette stood. I had gathered all of my prayer intentions, as well as those of family and friends and would place them in the box at the grotto to be lifted up in prayer.
We awoke to the sound of the city of Lourdes beginning to stir. It was early, but people were already starting their day. Our hotel was in the heart of town and from the balcony outside our bedroom, we could gaze upon the activity around us!
A pilgrimage is both exhilarating and exhausting! You want to make sure you get to see all the holy sites but at times, it is difficult to process it all. Therefore, after leaving Loyola, I was pleased to have a long bus ride to ponder our visit to Fatima before we arrived in Lourdes later that day.
Sightseeing in Europe is quite different than here in the states. Many of the places we visited touted a 3,200-year history and more, with palaces, ancient cathedrals and basilicas, cobblestone streets lined with quaint shops and a town square.
Alba de Torres was no different. The town square was quite charming! It had been decorated with flags the week before to celebrate St. Teresa’s feast day and a group of men were marching around playing instruments to continue the celebration.
Although my heart was filled with gratitude for our wonderful anniversary celebration, my mind was focused on my sister Sarah and her deteriorating condition.
We were able to spend quality time with her the day after our party, thanks to my sister Rachel, who opened her home to us. Sarah seemed fragile and weak. She was still experiencing severe side effects from the chemo and was trying her best to be present to us. I again thanked Sarah and her husband for coming and expressed my great concern for her.
It was difficult saying goodbye, not knowing when I’d see her again.
Spring was just around the corner, and we were quite ready to say goodbye to winter! Jonathan and I had booked our pilgrimage for the fall. We also made arrangements to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary in September with a Mass, where we would renew our vows, followed by a reception, for family and friends. We were very excited!
My deepest wish was that my sister Sarah would live to be present at our celebration. She had just had a reaction from one of her treatments which meant that it would have to cease. We felt troubled because the cancer had responded well to it, but that door was now closed to her. She had felt so blessed to have had minimal side effects from her treatments and had little to no symptoms from the cancer since her diagnosis 3 years ago. She was still receiving radiation and if needed, she could have chemotherapy.
“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in Thee my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Thy wings, I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.” Psalm 57:1
For well over a month, I felt like I had one foot in heaven and the other on earth. I was still astonished over the many blessings I had experienced, and my heart was full of gratitude to God. I was well aware that this would not last, but I never expected just how low I could be brought down.
“Give thanks to the Lord, invoke His name; make known among the nations His deeds.” Psalm 105: 1
It was almost three weeks since my retreat and I felt very encouraged by the changes that had taken place in my relationship with Jonathan.
So often in our primary relationships, and our primary vocations, we can slip up and not be as “present” as we once had been. Because I was trying to be more present and listen, so I could “do whatever He tells you” - Jesus, that is, I was being more attentive to my husband.
“All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no alteration or shadow caused by change.” James 1:17
As I rode home from my retreat, an early birthday gift from my siblings, my heart felt free! There was a sense of reclaimed hopes and dreams, which I had abandoned for some time. I was curious to see just how things would be different.
I was having a problem with the former email subscription provider and had to switch to a new service. Because of this issue, some of you may not have received an email notification regarding the previous post. You can view the most recent blog post by clicking here.
Raphael called the two men aside privately and said to them: “Thank God! Give him the praise and the glory. Before all the living, acknowledge the many good things he has done for you, by blessing and extolling his name in song. Before all men, honor and proclaim God’s deeds, and do not be slack in praising him. A king’s secret is prudent to keep, but the works of God are to be declared and made known. Praise them with due honor.” Tobit 12: 6-7
As the nudge from God to write again was revealed to me, I wondered just how long it had been. To my shock and amazement, it had been over 11 months! So very much had transpired in that time, and so much of it, miraculous in nature.
God’s hand in my life, and in the lives of those I loved, was so evident to me now. I knew it was time to tell the story and give God the praise that was long overdue! In order not to shortchange God, it will take a good number of posts.