Astonishing Revelation

     “To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name. If therefore, I do anything or think anything or say anything or know anything that is not purely for the love of God, it cannot give me peace, or rest, or fulfilment, or joy. To find love I must enter into the sanctuary where it is hidden, which is the mystery of God.”    
                                                                                                                   Thomas Merton


     I was struggling with a particular relationship for a good while. Over time, I could see I was distancing myself from them. I was not calling or communicating with this person as frequently, as I had previously. I had justified my change of behavior as warranted. There was a change: they were acting differently.

     I was also struggling with some challenging circumstances myself and was not on my “A game.” It was a lot of work for me to act like everything was okay when I was in their company. I did not want to share my struggles with them. Even though I truly did love this person, I could feel a wall rising between us. I did not want to end the relationship; I would just do what I thought necessary and no more. I had to protect myself.

     My plan managed to fool me for a little while. We have a way of justifying circumstances when it is difficult to deal with them. I needed to convince myself and believe that what I was doing was right, especially before God. He sees into our hearts, minds, wounds and motives. We cannot hide the truth from Him.

     I began to struggle with my decision. I tried and tried to be at peace with it, but it was haunting me. Was I being a hypocrite or was I truly protecting myself from additional pain? I wasn’t sure. I felt uncertain. I would go back and forth with my conclusions, wrestling within myself.

     I was aware that as we grow closer to God, He often allows situations to test and purify our love. He calls us to love unconditionally as He does. He was giving me a perfect opportunity to do so, yet I wanted to run as far away from this call to love. I wanted to give Him all the reasons and excuses that I did not have to love like He does, in this instance, anyway.

     Thanks, be to God, I do enter into the sanctuary where Love is hidden. While spending time with God in private prayer, as well as before the Blessed Sacrament, He began to reveal my heart to me. He began to allow me to see myself from the perspective of the other person. He allowed me to see the confusion and hurt they were feeling. They were perplexed at the way my actions had changed toward them. He allowed me to see that they too were carrying struggles and burdens.

      God was opening my eyes up to see someone other than myself. He was giving me His eyes, mind, heart and love for this person. He was dilating my stingy, shriveled heart into a heart more like His, filled with merciful and generous love.

     This realization allowed me to see I had not been reflecting God’s image. My behavior was screaming that love was not the reason for my existence. I was not acting as if love was my true identity, that selflessness was my true self, that love was my true character or that love was my name. In this relationship, I was living a lie and God knew it. Now I did.

     I was astonished at this revelation! I truly had not seen it before. I asked God for forgiveness and drank in His mercy. I thanked Him for His great love for me in pointing out my behavior. I take my relationship with God quite seriously and never want to hold on to sin or justify unloving behavior. My heart was filled with peace, rest, fulfilment and joy! I immediately began to think of ways to “make it up” to this person for my lack of love. God had filled my heart with His love for them and I welcomed the occasions to pour it down upon them.

     Later that week, this great gift of God was culminated by receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Even though I had already asked God for His forgiveness, it felt wonderful to be assured through the priest, who sits in Persona Christi, through the words of absolution. I was grateful as well, for all the graces I received to carry out my new plan of loving.

     I’d like to say that I’ve learned my lesson on loving as God does, and I’ve passed onto the next class, but loving as He does will be a lifelong challenge. It does not come easy. But our God is a patient God and knows all our wounds and weaknesses. He will never give up on us. May we never give up on ourselves.

     “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. If we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is brought to perfection in us” (Jn 4: 7-8,12).
    
    
 

Don't Stand God Up

     “Pray with your whole being even though you think it has no savor for you. For such prayer is very profitable even though you feel nothing, though you see nothing, even though it seems impossible to you. It is in dryness and barrenness, in sickness and feebleness that your prayer is most pleasing to Me, even though you think it has little savor for you.”                             God to St. Julian of Norwich


     Prayer to God is essential, if we want to grow in relationship with Him. It is the way we stay connected to Him and commune with God in love. It is an avenue of grace and love, where we can learn to grow past ourselves and focus on God. It is an opportunity to waste time, to keep God company, just because we love Him.

Our Wickedness

     “Though your servant is careful of them, very diligent in keeping them, yet who can detect failings? Cleanse me from my unknown faults! (Ps. 19 vs. 12-14)



      I always loved God, but when the Holy Spirit touched my heart in a profound way in my late twenties, my relationship with God became a priority. Over time, I had incorporated in my life many religious practices that helped me to grow closer to God: reading Holy Scripture, attending weekday Mass when possible, frequent confession, quiet prayer time and spiritual reading. I was delighted when my schedule allowed for a day of prayer and reflection. A special time set apart from the everyday hustle and bustle of family life.

Get Connected

     “We need to admit humbly that we are poor creatures, with confused ideas . . . We are fragile and in constant need of interior strength and consolation. Prayer gives us strength for great ideals, for keeping up our faith, charity, purity, generosity; prayer gives us strength to rise up from indifference and guilt, if we have had the misfortune to give in to temptation and weakness. Prayer gives us light by which to see and to judge from God’s perspective and from eternity. That is why you must not give up praying! Don’t let a day go by without praying a little! Prayer is a duty, but it is also a joy, because it is a dialogue with God through Jesus Christ.”                             St. John Paul ll



     Prayer is power! Prayer is powerful! Prayer is the great privilege where we get to “connect” with our God! To think that God, the almighty, is so readily available to listen to us is truly mind boggling! Yet, minutes, hours, and days go by, when we fail to remember Him. We forget we are His children, who are madly loved by Him: that He is our Father who longs to hear from us.

Sarah and I

     I loved my sister Sarah very much and except when she was a “big shot” eighth grader and I was in her eyes, a “nerdy” sixth grader, we got along famously.

     Our names were often spoken in unison, like Peter and Paul, James and John, Simon and Jude. Where Sarah was, I was not far behind. We both felt very blessed, not only to be sisters, but very dear friends.

Create a clean heart in me, O God!

     As I lie prostrate, that summer afternoon, in my empty parish Church, I begged God to help me to love my sister. I told Him that He was going to have to give me His heart and do it for me because I knew that I had failed miserably.

     I had not started my day off on the wrong foot…quiet prayer time, morning Mass, breakfast, and then the Wednesday morning bible study that I facilitated at my home...  The only difference would be that my sister Yoana would be a part of the bible study because another sister was in town and we would afterwards go out to lunch and do a little shopping.

The Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me

     As a child, and even for much of my adult life, my relationship with the Holy Spirit has not been what I would necessarily call personal. I received the Sacrament of Confirmation in third grade, and although I was catechized very well - I was a Baltimore Catechism student - I didn't really feel close to the Holy Spirit. Sure I prayed to Him at what I saw as the appropriate times; like to help me remember the answers to a test for which I had studied, or for the right words to say in a difficult situation. I also asked Him for specific gifts, fruits and graces, since I figured that was His territory. But it wasn't really much of a relationship.

Avia Joy is all about relationship

       Relationships - our lives are full of them! Some warm our hearts and make our lives worth living, while others challenge and stretch us. There are also some that we feel indifference toward. They really don't impact our lives in a deep or lasting way, so we put no effort to deepen them.

     Although there are people we just "click" with, for the most part, relationships that we cherish did not develop over night. It took time and effort from both parties to become bosom friends.