Just Surrender

     “Love will consume us only in the measure of our self-surrender.”
                                                                                   St. Therese of Lisieux


     As I read those words, they pierced my heart with a deep wound!

     Even though I yearn for God’s love to consume me, I am still so very filled with self-will! It is evident in the many areas of my life, where I wrestle with God’s plan because -- I want my own way!   

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 2 of 3

     When God poses a question to me, He knows I will not rest until I get an answer. The question that God had placed on my heart was, “Who are you?” I really wasn't sure. What had been such a rock solid identity was suddenly shaky and uncertain. I in turn had to turn to God and ask Him, “Who, Lord, do You say that I am?”  It took some time, but the answer did come, little by little. I knew in the depths of my heart that what I was experiencing was both a natural and supernatural evolution to a better me. I knew that I had to trust that God was involved with every aspect of this change, but that I had to be patient and surrender to His molding and shaping….no matter how painful it seemed at times.

     God had me look at the different identities I played in my life. In my early years, I was daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. Later on, girlfriend, wife, daughter, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law and now grandmother. I had adjusted well to each identity. I had handled our daughter’s marriage quite well and becoming a grandmother was wonderful! Why was I struggling so? What was so different now? This was a wonderful time in our lives, so why did I feel so displaced?        
  

An unexpected gift

     My husband and I were out to dinner, and thoughts of an upcoming retreat kept popping into my mind. I dismissed the thought, since I had not planned to attend and it was less than a week away. I also assumed that most likely it was filled, since it was being given by renowned Directors. But there it was again! I could not get this thought out of my mind. I began to wonder if I was supposed to attend.

     Wanting to put this question to rest, I finally succumbed to the nagging, and casually mentioned it to my husband.  He was quite agreeable to the idea and told me to look into it. I called on Monday morning and was delighted to learn that they had extended the number of attendees and I could be part of it. I asked if I would be able to stay there, or would I need to commute? That answer was uncertain and they would let me know. I knew that I needed to trust that if God had worked this out so far, He would continue to work things out for my best interest.