Be A Pilgrim--Not A Tourist

       “The human heart plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." Proverbs 16: 9

    It was almost 9 years ago, that I experienced my first group pilgrimage. Sometime before we left, we met as a group with the priest who would be leading us on our journey. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to hear all the details about our trip.

I Surrender!!!

      “Arise, My beloved, My beautiful one, and come! For see, the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of pruning the vines has come, and the song of the dove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance. Arise, My beloved, My beautiful one, and come!”                Song of Songs 2: 10b – 13

     God was calling me to be with Him. To go and take a break from the difficult 6 months that were now behind me.

     I felt weary. I felt tired. I felt spent! Like a closed stuffy room, I needed to cast open the windows and allow some fresh air to blow through me. I longed for the Spirit of God, to breathe new life in me. I was still reeling with the effects of everything I’d been through, and Papa was well aware of it.

He Must Increase; I Must Decrease

     “So many hours of work and now it is ruined—but it isn’t really so at all. Every stitch was taken for Jesus and was an offering of love to Him, but He wanted so much more. He wanted it all to come to nothing to see if it really was wholly for Him.”        Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament

     I like to have control. I like to be in control! That’s correct. You’ve heard right. I’ve admitted it. I’ve said it out loud in this vast blogsphere. So, writing a spiritual blog at times for me, is very difficult.

Acquiesce to the Sovereign Director of Souls

      “The divine activity permeates the whole universe, it pervades every creature; wherever they are it is there; it goes before them, with them, and it follows them; all they have to do is let the waves bear them on. Would to God…all men could know how very easy it would be for them to arrive at a high degree of sanctity. They would only have to fulfill the simple duties of Christianity and of their state of life; to embrace with submission the crosses belonging to their state, and to submit with faith and love to the designs of Providence in all those things that have to be done or suffered without going out of their way to seek occasions for themselves. …This is the spirituality of all ages and of every state. No state of life can, assuredly, be sanctified in a more exalted manner, nor in a more wonderful and easy way than by the simple use of the means that God, the sovereign director of souls, gives them to do or to suffer at each moment.”                    Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade

     Father de Caussade’s spirituality of abandonment to Divine Providence, has always resonated deep within my heart. His firm assurance that God is not like a clock maker who made us and then left us on our own to find our way back to Him and heaven someday but accompanies and directs us on our journey. 

Thorns Among the Roses--Part 2

      Sightseeing in Europe is quite different than here in the states. Many of the places we visited touted a 3,200-year history and more, with palaces, ancient cathedrals and basilicas, cobblestone streets lined with quaint shops and a town square. 

     Alba de Torres was no different. The town square was quite charming! It had been decorated with flags the week before to celebrate St. Teresa’s feast day and a group of men were marching around playing instruments to continue the celebration.

The Lord's Direction

     It’s been over 10 months since my last post on Avia Joy.

     At the time, I wondered if it would be my last. Papa had not revealed that to me. I only knew that out of obedience, I was to stop blogging, until inspired to do otherwise.

New Wine ~ His Wine

     “In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine. In the soil, I now surrender, You are breaking new ground. So I yield to You and to Your careful hand. When I trust You I don’t need to understand.
     “Make me Your vessel. Make me Your offering. Make me whatever You want me to be. I came here with nothing, but all You have given me. Jesus make new wine out of me.
     “In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine. In the soil, I now surrender, You are breaking new ground. You are breaking new ground.
     “Where there is new wine, there is new power. There is new freedom and the Kingdom is here. I lay down my old flames to carry Your new fire today.”                                                                                                                     Lyrics to “New Wine” by Brooke Lingertwood, Hillsong Music


     Sometimes you have to be careful for what you pray!

     Little did I realize that fact, a year and a half ago, when I asked Jesus, through the intercession of Our Lady of Cana, to turn the water of my marriage into a deep rich wine.

     I was yearning for something more, in my relationship with my husband, as well as my relationship with God. What did I have to lose? It felt like an inspiration from the Holy Spirit, so I made my “infamous” request!

     Although I had no idea just how God would answer my request, I didn’t expect it to be too difficult or grueling. I assumed that He would point out a few ways that my husband needed to change, and several ways for myself. You know, keep it even. Keep it fair!

     Now, in retrospect, I can hear Jesus speaking the words that He uttered to James and John: “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” Mt 20:22.

     Jesus was correct. I DID NOT know what I was asking. I had NO idea that I would be placed under a big microscope and that many flaws that I had, would be pointed out to me, and along with them, the manner in which to change.

     God began to show me just how very poorly and conditionally I loved. Not just my husband, but many others. He then began to show me how I was not able to overcome my faults on many levels, the way I was able to do in the past. He was showing me all my weaknesses and shortcomings. I felt like I was crushed and pressed – maybe even obliterated! If this was the answer to my prayer, I’m not so sure I wanted that deep rich wine anymore!

     I was struggling and suffering in many areas of my life: in my marriage, in relationships with people I loved, in prayer, with God, and many other ways.

      I felt confused, and stuck. I didn’t want to move forward or backward because I wasn’t even sure which direction to head. I felt like I was regressing so very much in my relationship with God and on my spiritual journey. I felt like a failure in so many ways and wasn’t sure which way to turn.

     It was about that time, when all felt lost, that I gave my dear friend, the Carmelite Hermit, a call and shared my dilemma with him.

     To my utter surprise, he told me that I was in a good place. God was in fact, answering my prayer by perfecting me in all the different ways that I was lacking. He told me to be patient with myself and thank God for the work that He was doing in me. Brother told me that for all these years I was self-sufficient, believing it to be a good thing, but it was not.  God wanted me to depend upon Him and not myself. I was to allow God to do what needed to be done and to co-operate with Him in bringing this about. This IS really GOOD news, he told me excitedly! Somehow, I didn’t feel his excitement, but he did shine a glimmer of hope on me.

     In sharing my “good news” with another friend, she sent me the song, “New Wine,” by Hillsong. She told me that this was My Song: This is what has been happening to you since you prayed for new wine. I listened to the song and then printed the words to digest them and let them sink in.

     She was correct! I felt crushed and pressed by all that was happening in my life, but now it all made sense. God was making of me a new wine and I needed to surrender and co-operate. I had to allow Him to work and make an offering of myself and my life so He could change me into whatever He wants me to be.

     I needed to yield to Him and stop demanding that I understand all that was happening, and trust instead. I had to surrender in this new soil that was breaking all around me. It was new wine that He was bringing about, if only I would die to my own will and abandon myself to His.

     This is not an easy thing to do, but I now realize that it is essential! In order for me to be willing to surrender and die, I have to remind myself that “where there is new wine, there is new power, there is new freedom, and the Kingdom is here. I lay down my old flames, to carry Your new fire today.” I want so much, in the deepest part of my heart, the freedom that God wants to offer to me by changing me into that deep rich wine.

    Although I am not yet the “new wine” that I prayed for that evening, I am beginning to smell the aroma of a sweet rich wine. I am not naïve, at this point, to think I’ll be sipping that wine anytime soon. I am well aware, that there is still so much in me that needs to be purified and refined – crushed and pressed. I am now a willing grape, to be placed in the winepress until God has produced the best wine.

     I hear Jesus say the promising words, “But I have saved the good wine until now.”

     And I do not want to settle for anything less!
    
    
    
    

Just Surrender

     “Love will consume us only in the measure of our self-surrender.”
                                                                                   St. Therese of Lisieux


     As I read those words, they pierced my heart with a deep wound!

     Even though I yearn for God’s love to consume me, I am still so very filled with self-will! It is evident in the many areas of my life, where I wrestle with God’s plan because -- I want my own way!   

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

     I don’t often pray for fair weather, but in this situation, I felt as though I should.

     We had planned an “end of summer BBQ” and had chosen the day which would work best for us to host.

     Several days before the event, while heading into the chapel, I received a text from one of the guests: Would you consider changing the date because the weather was not going to be nice on Sunday? Monday was going to be sunny and hot. The children would enjoy themselves much more if they could go swimming in the nicer weather.

Do Not Lose Confidence in God

     “Do not surrender your confidence; it will have great reward. You need patience to do God’s will and receive what He has promised.”                                                                                                                                                                                            Hebrews 11 vs 35-36



     As I spoke to my spiritual director, he listened attentively. I was sharing with him struggles I was experiencing and how I was at odds with the situations. I wanted so much to be able to “fix” things, but knew I couldn’t. I didn’t understand why they were happening.

The Hour of Temptation

     “Lead us not into temptation. . . We ought to offer this prayer very seriously. Our Lord knew what it was to be tempted and what bitter struggles temptation may entail. Who can be sure of himself? When things are going well we let these words pass over us negligently, thinking very little about them as if they really did not apply to us at all. And then all of a sudden the sky becomes overcast -- a storm arises, and with the wind blowing from all directions at once, we do not know which way to turn.
      Take this journey of mine up the perilous face of my cliff. How many hours of weakness and despair have had to be endured in making that climb, hours of sheer helplessness, of doubt, not knowing which was the best course. How is it that conditions suddenly get distorted, their balance disturbed and their threads twisted and entangled, producing a pattern far from our intention and quite beyond our power to unravel?
     No one can escape the hour of temptation. It is only in that hour that we begin to sense our weakness and have a faint inkling of the vital decisions we are expected to make. If only I can manage to keep a hold on this perilous perch and not faint and let go.
     I have committed my soul to God and I rely on the help of my friends.”                                                                                                                               Father Alfred Delp, S.J.


     Oh the wisdom of Father Delp’s words! How often the phrase, “lead us not into temptation,” passes mindlessly through our lips. We have become so adept to praying the “Our Father” that the words have lost the meaning that Jesus intended. Christ was very deliberate in composing this prayer and did not haphazardly add this phrase without the knowledge of our need.

Love's Clock

     “The distance separating Our Lord from the house where Lazarus lived was about a day’s journey . . . in all it would have been four days since He received the news. God’s delays are mysterious; sorrow is sometimes prolonged for the same reason for which it is sent. God may abstain for the moment from healing, not because Love does not love, but because Love never stops loving, and a greater good is to come from the woe. Heaven’s clock is different from ours.”          Bishop Fulton J. Sheen


     Why does God allow suffering? Why does He delay in answering our prayers, or at times, appear not to even hear them? Those were probably the thoughts of Martha and Mary when they contacted Jesus and He failed to come to heal their brother Lazarus. Lazarus was already dead four days by the time Jesus arrived.

Be Stouthearted and Wait

     “When uncertain about God’s will, it is very important that we tell ourselves: Even if there are aspects of God’s will that escape me, there are always others that I know for sure and can invest in without any risk, knowing that this investment always pays dividends: these certainties include fulfilling the duties of our state in life and practicing the essential points of every Christian vocation. There is a defect here that needs to be recognized and avoided: finding ourselves in darkness about God’s will on an important question . . . we spend so much time searching and doubting or getting discouraged, that we neglect things that are God’s will for us every day, like being faithful to prayer, maintaining trust in God, loving people around us here and now. Lacking the answers about the future, we should prepare to receive them by living today to the full.” Fr. Jacques Phillipe


     There are times in our lives when we flounder. We believe that God is calling us to do something: sometimes a very specific task, while other times something totally unknown to us. We begin to doubt and become impatient and restless because the opportunity has not yet presented itself, or our questions appear unanswered. We make the judgment that it should have happened within a certain amount of time, and when it hasn’t, we question both ourselves and God. “Was this just my imagination, or was it really You God?”

Embracing Emptiness

     “It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to something new and unexpected to happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God’s action in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let’s pray that we can let go of fear and embrace God as the source of love.”                                                           Henri Nouwen



     When we feel emptiness, a restlessness full of uncertainty, within our deepest self, we want to act as quickly as possible and do something. Anything! We do not want to acknowledge it, let alone entertain or sit with it, because we do not know what will be asked of us. We try to avoid looking at it and pretend it isn't there. We keep busy; filling our time, hoping it will just go away!

Just Let Go

     It is a beautiful spring day: the sun is shining and the sky is bright blue. The birds are singing and there is a gentle breeze. There is a lake, surrounded by weeping willow trees. There is a rowboat on the lake with two passengers: you and God.

Singing in Sync

     “I waited, waited for the Lord, and He stooped toward me and heard my cry. And He put a new song into my mouth, a hymn to our God” (Psalm 40 vs. 2a, 4a).



     I had been feeling burdened and frustrated. I had carved out some time earlier in the day to write my blog post, but nothing came. I had reflected on some beautiful quotes, but came up empty. I decided to walk away from it and clean my upstairs.

He Has a Good Memory

     “Go and find Him when your patience and strength run out and you feel alone and helpless. Jesus is waiting for you in the chapel. Say to Him, ‘Jesus, You know exactly what is going on. You are all I have and you know all things. Come to my help.’ And then go, and don’t worry about how you are going to manage. That you have told God about it is enough. He has a good memory.”                     St. Jeanne Jugan


     We all have days when we feel alone and helpless, and find that our patience and strength is fleeting. We don’t see solutions to our problems, or are just too weary to even think about them. Life at those times seems burdensome and throwing in the towel is an attractive alternative.

Resting In God

     “There is a state of resting in God, an absolute break from all intellectual activity, when one forms no plans, makes no decisions and for the first time really ceases to act, when one simply hands over the future to God’s will and ‘surrenders himself to fate.’” St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross



     We LONG to rest in God: To abandon ourselves completely and forever to His will. It is something we have been yearning for, but struggling to do for such a long time.

Stand in hope

“Hope is patience with a lamp lit”                                                 Tertullian


     Something stirred within my heart when I read Tertullian’s words,  “Hope is patience with a lamp lit.”       I felt as though I was engulfed in darkness – without any light. His words caused me to entertain the idea that, just maybe, there was a dim flicker of which I was unaware until that moment. The possibility that hope was present in the burden that plagued my soul began to dawn on me.