Come Out from Behind the Chair

      “God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we may be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.”                                                                                                                      St. Ignatius of Loyola                            

      “During my quiet prayer time, an image began to play out in my mind’s eye. I came to full attention because it was rare for something like this to happen to me.

Shaken From My Sleep

      “O my God, You and You alone are all wise and knowing! You know, You have determined everything that will happen to us from first to last. You have ordered things in the wisest way, and You know what will be my lot year by year until I die. You know how long I have to live. You know how I shall die. You have precisely ordained everything, sin excepted. Every event of my life is the best for me that could be for it comes from You. You bring me on year by year, by your wonderful Providence, from youth to age, with the most perfect wisdom, and with the most perfect love.”       

                                                                               St. John Henry Cardinal Newman

     Holy Scripture confirms this truth: “You have seen my actions; in Your book they are all written; my days were limited before one of them existed” (Psalm 139: 16).

Be Not Afraid!

      “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5

     As I gazed upon that scripture verse, hanging on the wall of my bedroom, I longed for that to be true. I knew I was so very far away from finding my rest and hope in Him alone.

God, You Know the Whole of It

      “God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we might be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.”                       St. Ignatius Loyola

     God’s love was calling me, no, urging me, to move beyond fear this past month since my husband’s “heart event.” And praise to God, as well as thanks to all those praying for us, I am at peace. 

Let Go and Trust

     My husband had been after me for some time to remove the crib from our office. After all, I was not watching any of our grandchildren in our home anymore, and the crib was just taking up space.

     Although what he said was true, emotionally I wasn’t ready to pack it up and give it away. There was a part of me that wanted to keep it up, in the hopes that it would be needed for one of our sweet grandbabies. 

Bigger than the Hard Thing

     I can’t believe that it’s November already, but the fact that it’s been almost two months since I’ve posted on Avia Joy startles me!

     Life has been anything but “normal” these days. It seems that on many fronts, what used to be familiar and “automatic pilot” has become unfamiliar and more challenging.

He Who Makes Us Desire, Grants Our Desire

     “More than ever, I understand that the smallest events of our life are conducted by God; He is the One who makes us desire and who grants our desires.             
                                                                                                 St. Therese of Lisieux

     We all have dreams and desires of our hearts; some we’ve had for a long time, whiles other fairly new: our vocation, children, goals in life, places to visit, a home, spiritual hopes and the such.

     As our lives unfold, our desires are fulfilled or not. Like the seasons, they change and sometimes even fade away, while others come to fruition, grow and blossom.

Let Him Sleep

     “As Jesus got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but He was asleep. They came and woke Him, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We are perishing!’  He said to them, ‘Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?’ Then He got up, rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was great calm. The men were amazed and said, ‘What sort of man is this, whom even the winds and the sea obey?” Matthew 8:23-27


     So often, when we are faced with violent storms in our lives, we are filled with fear and dread! Like the disciples, our focus is on the wind, the crashing waves and the trashing of our little boat. We wait, expecting Jesus to intervene, but nothing happens to quell the storm in our hearts, minds and souls. We feel frightened and fear that we will be capsized into the deep, dark, ominous sea!

     As our fear mounts, we finally shout out to God. It seems to us that He has been sleeping. Is He unaware of our current situation? Does He really love us? Do we really matter to Him?

     Scripture tells us over and over again that we are loved and precious to our God. “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jer 31:3). “I have called you and you are Mine” (Is 43:1b). “I will never leave you or forsake you” (Joshua 1:5).

     In times of trouble, it seems as if we forget that very truth! Like the disciples we call out to Jesus, “Can’t You see that we are perishing? Wake up! Why are You sleeping when I need You?”

     Jesus’ reply to us is the same, “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?”

     His words make our hearts sink. We do not want to be of little faith. We know that Jesus is God and is always with us. But, in our humanity, we forget and fall into the sea of doubt. We forget we are God’s little children, and expect far too much from ourselves. We need to recall our littleness and do what children do when they are afraid – go and cling to Jesus.

     As a parent of five, many a night, one of my children would crawl into bed with me when they awoke and were frightened. I did not chastise or send them back to their room. I allowed them to cuddle with me and held them tight until the fear faded away. They felt safe and would fall asleep in my arms.

     Do the same with Jesus. When the storms of life come and you feel as though He is asleep, instead of calling out to Him in desperation, run to Him. Let Him continue to sleep. Gaze upon Him with love. Cuddle up next to Him. Feel His strength. Feel His comfort. Place your head on His chest and listen to His sacred Heart -- beating with love for you. Maybe He’ll awaken and put His arms around You. Allow Him to do so. Whisper to Him all your worries and concerns. Remember that His is God and will give you the grace that you need to navigate through any storm – no matter how severe. Relax, realizing you are loved and cared about. Like a little child, fall asleep in Jesus’ arms – the strong arms that were stretched out on the cross to prove His great love for you. Experience the great calm, knowing you are not alone.

     Experiencing storms is going to happen to all of us, as we navigate the sea of life here on earth. Keep your eyes on Jesus, awake or asleep: He is the God of the universe, who is aware of everything and can quiet any storm. Remain little. As Jesus looks upon you with His love, allow Him to lift you above the storm, where the sky is blue and the sun is shining.

     But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of My hands I have written your name” (Is 49:14-15).
   
   
   

Fanning the Flame

     It was March 19, the feast of St. Joseph.

     Feeling burdened and insecure, I had gone to the Adoration chapel to make a visit and seek divine assistance. Later that evening, because of my suggestion, our faith enrichment group was going to read The Flame of Love, an abridged version of Elizabeth Kindelmann’s diary. Although familiar with the FOL Movement since late last spring, I could not articulate much about it, let alone facilitate a study. So why was I going to do it? Although filled with fear and apprehension, it did seem like the next step to take.

Untie These Knots

     As I hung up the phone, my heart was gripped with fear! The situation, which had started out as a concern and had turned into a worry, was now moving toward becoming a full-fledged disaster!

     “I do not want to deal with this,” I cried out to God. “I cannot go down this route again. Why, Papa? Why?” I knew from the past, there was nothing I could do to resolve this situation. Intervention did not work, but only complicated matters. I felt alone, afraid, and overwhelmed! If the world opened up at that moment and swallowed me, I would have welcomed the action: but it did not. I had to stay just where I was, and not disappear into another world -- free from disaster!

Happy Birthday Avia Joy!

     Avia Joy* is a year old! It was with fear and trepidation that I said yes to God when He proposed that she would be conceived and brought to life. Having had Papa’s frequent assurance that He would be with me to assist with Avia Joy, I stepped out in faith. He has been true to His word, although it took some time for me to believe it.

     While still pregnant with her, a decision was made to always have a reserve of nine posts. I wanted to be ahead of the game. I had also decided that I would publish three posts a week, never doubting that it could be accomplished. I would have my reserve. I could make it work!

Open the Door

     “On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, Peace be with you.” When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent Me, so I send you.” And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained” (Jn. 20 vs. 19-23).


     Filled with fear for their lives, the disciples hid, locked away. Most of them had been in hiding since the horrible events of Thursday evening had taken place, while others joined them later. Their Master had been betrayed, scourged and crucified. Most of them felt ashamed of the way they acted during Christ’s passion. They were confused, perplexed and heavy hearted.

Embracing Emptiness

     “It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to something new and unexpected to happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God’s action in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let’s pray that we can let go of fear and embrace God as the source of love.”                                                           Henri Nouwen



     When we feel emptiness, a restlessness full of uncertainty, within our deepest self, we want to act as quickly as possible and do something. Anything! We do not want to acknowledge it, let alone entertain or sit with it, because we do not know what will be asked of us. We try to avoid looking at it and pretend it isn't there. We keep busy; filling our time, hoping it will just go away!

Vanquish Fear

     “Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life. Rather, look to them full of hope as they arise. God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you then, and every day. He will either shield you from suffering, or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.”                                                                                                                                                                                                   St. Francis de Sales


     As this year is winding down and a new year is about to unfold, it is good for us to turn to St. Francis de Sales and his excellent words of wisdom.

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 2 of 3

     When God poses a question to me, He knows I will not rest until I get an answer. The question that God had placed on my heart was, “Who are you?” I really wasn't sure. What had been such a rock solid identity was suddenly shaky and uncertain. I in turn had to turn to God and ask Him, “Who, Lord, do You say that I am?”  It took some time, but the answer did come, little by little. I knew in the depths of my heart that what I was experiencing was both a natural and supernatural evolution to a better me. I knew that I had to trust that God was involved with every aspect of this change, but that I had to be patient and surrender to His molding and shaping….no matter how painful it seemed at times.

     God had me look at the different identities I played in my life. In my early years, I was daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. Later on, girlfriend, wife, daughter, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law and now grandmother. I had adjusted well to each identity. I had handled our daughter’s marriage quite well and becoming a grandmother was wonderful! Why was I struggling so? What was so different now? This was a wonderful time in our lives, so why did I feel so displaced?        
  

Confessions of a 'Seasoned' Mother -- Part 1

     I considered myself a ‘seasoned’ mother. Having been blessed with five children and the luxury to be an ‘at home’ mom, we had successfully navigated through many of life’s experiences and created a deep family bond.

     Our two youngest would be graduating; one from grade school and one from high school, so once again, we were looking at colleges. Although our three oldest had finished college, they had all commuted, so we had not experienced their absence from our home. I have to admit, I liked it that way. I enjoyed the ‘live at home ‘connection we shared.

      So that was our plan. Our son would find a local college and commute, just like his siblings.