Embracing Mary, Christ's Gift from the Cross

      “Let us ask the Lord to grant us one very special grace: To love Our Lady, especially through all the work we do for Jesus, with Jesus, and to Jesus. We must ask Him to deepen our love for Mary, making it more personal and intimate. We want to: Love her as He loved her. Be a cause of joy to her as He was. Keep close to her as He did. Share everything with her, even the cross, as He did when she stood near the cross on Calvary. We must love her unconditionally, trust her fully, abandon ourselves to her totally and without reserve. Nothing is impossible to those who call Mary their mother. During the day, let us often raise our hearts to her to ask her how we can love God as she loved Him, that we, too, can love Him with her heart."                                                                                                                           Saint Teresa of Calcutta

     As I read this request of Mother Teresa’s, a smile came to my face. 

Loved and Cherished

      “Sometimes we have to “step over” our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we can become the “offended one,” “the forgotten one,” or even “the discarded one.” Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they came from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.”                                                          Henri Nouwen

     

     It happened again! I was feeling “that way.” I knew that my reaction to the situation was disproportionate to what was happening. I had already discussed it several times with the person, but not much had changed, and if it had, it was fleeting. I felt hurt and forgotten and I didn’t know what to do.

An Awakening

     “We can trust our Lady’s love for us and her knowledge of God. The woman who says, Do whatever He tells you, is the girl who sang the Magnificat, rejoicing that her Son had come for our joy, and this first miracle, symbol as it is of Christ’s life in us, was not a miracle related to suffering, but one designed to give an increase of joy to the people already rejoicing. That good wine is a symbol of Christ’s life in our soul, changing our tepid, colorless human nature to the strong life-giving humanity of Christ, and giving it the power to invigorate others, to warm their hearts and minds, to kindle the life in them with Christ’s love, just as wine given to a cold weary person tones up the blood in their veins.”    
                                                                                                             Caryll Houselander


     Late last January, after meditating on the reading of the Wedding Feast of Cana, I prayed and asked Our Lady, to BEG Jesus to turn the water of my marriage into a deep rich wine. Having been inspired to make this prayer, I FELT CERTATIN that God would answer it. I just wasn’t sure how.

Victim No More

     It was the morning of the second day of my retreat. Upon waking, questions that I needed to pose to God became apparent.

     As a secular Carmelite, I will choose a name at the time of my profession. Although it is more than a year away, it is something about which I have already been thinking and praying. The name that God placed upon my heart is “Therese Joy of the Wounded Hearts.”

Stop! Read! Listen!

     “Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart.”     
                                                                                        Hebrews 4:12

     God never ceases to amaze me, at the ways in which His Word in Holy Scripture, touches my heart, mind and life.

     As I journeyed through Advent, the richness of the liturgical readings was chock full of treasures, overwhelming me at times, with the generosity of our God!

A School Girl's Call

I Want To Be A Carmelite

There is something special
 I would like to do                  
To dedicate my life to God        
  To Jesus and His Mother too.

Prayers and sacrifices day by day
Bring souls to Christ to their glorious height
How wonderful I feel – so gay!            
 I want to be a Carmelite.

As I climb Mt. Carmel steep
Many times I fall      
Step by step I cannot leap        
To God for help I call.

Our Lady’s colors are tan and brown
And when I reach the mountain top    
From God I’ll receive my glorious crown      
My journey then will finally stop.
                                                                                     Written by Me at age 11

  
     Salvation history is full of examples of God planting a seed and it taking years and years before the “fruit” is seen: the Promised Land, a child to Abraham and Sarah, and the promise of a Savior.

     When I was a little girl – third grade to be exact – God planted the seed of a Carmelite vocation in my heart. I had been introduced to St. Therese, fell in love with her, and almost immediately heard the call. It was so real and strong that I believed it would happen. I wrote the above poem when I was in sixth grade and read it proudly to my co-ed classmates. It seemed like my destiny and like Therese, I could not wait until the time my dream could be fulfilled.

     Somewhere in high school, the call gradually disappeared, as I realized my true vocation was to marriage and motherhood. My thoughts were confirmed several years later when I married and began to raise a family. Being a wife and mother was something I loved and felt called to do.

     God was still a very important part of my life. Carmelite spirituality was something I was still drawn toward, so when time allowed, I read what I could on Carmelite saints. St. Therese’ Little Way was something I particularly loved. She made being holy attainable for everyone. Being a wife and mother, my life was full of little ways I could make sacrifices and save souls. This seemed to be working. I felt like I had the best of both worlds.

     In time, because of my deep spirituality, a friend invited me to visit her secular Carmelite community. She thought it would be something I would enjoy. Although I tried it for a number of months, with four young children and one on the way, it just didn’t work. I felt content with my primary vocation and saw the meetings as more of a burden. It was not for me. I was already practicing many of the requirements on my own, and did not feel the need to be part of a group to be motivated. My friend was mistaken. God was not calling me.

     As my life unfolded and my children grew, so did my relationship with God. It felt full and rich and right. At times I would think about “the call” long ago, and wondered what my life would have been like if I had answered that call. For the most part though, it did not enter my mind. I was serving God by trying my best to fulfill my vocation. God was front and center and I did what I could to bring others to Him as well. I was living my life in the way I believed God was leading, and then something unexpected happened – a question was voiced to me – not once, but twice – by two different people.

     “Have you ever thought about becoming a secular Carmelite?” The first time I just laughed and told my new friend that I had done that twenty five years ago and it wasn’t for me. She suggested that I pray and think about it. Maybe it was time.

     The second time was a month later and although I gave the same answer, I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Why would this happen again?

     Providentially, I was reading a book about a woman who was a secular Camelite. Jesus and Mary addressed her as “My little Carmelite.” Each time I would encounter those words, something in my heart seemed to bubble up. “What is going on?” I began to ask myself. “Is this You Lord, after all these years?”

     I began to bring my questions to prayer, asking God for direction. I emailed a friend who is a secular Carmelite and shared my story. She seemed to think that it sounded like it could be God who was trying to get my attention. I felt astounded! “This is crazy! It can’t be God!”

     I called another Carmelite friend and she invited me to visit her community. She explained everything to me and sent me information. I decided I would take it one meeting at a time and see where it would lead me.

     That was one and a half years ago. I’d like to say that when I walked into the Carmelite community I was struck by lightning certainty. It has not been the case. It has been a time of darkness, doubt and discernment.


     Because I was scheduled to receive my scapular in May, I was interviewed by members of the Council to discern if I had a vocation or not. I felt apprehensive, because I really wasn’t sure what to say. Did I have a vocation to Carmel? I still did not know.

     As the council members spoke with me and asked me questions, the doubt remained. As I shared my story, I began to cry. One of the members asked me how I would feel if I was told I did not have a vocation. “I would feel crushed,” I replied. I then asked them if it could be that God had really planted the seed of my secondary vocation so many years ago and now is the time for its fruition? Their smiles seem to confirm my thoughts. With their blessing, I then decided to take the next step and receive my scapular, surrendering it all into Our Lord’s and Our Lady’s hands.

    As the day approached, I felt very excited. While meditating on the Gospel the night before it was to happen, I was overjoyed to realize it was written just for me. “It was not you who chose Me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain” (Jn 15 vs 16).

     All the darkness and doubt disappeared. God was speaking directly to my heart, mind and soul, confirming His call to me so many years ago. I did have a Carmelite vocation, along with my vocation to marriage. It was not one or the other, but both.

     Now was the time for the seed that was planted long ago to peek its little head above ground and be cultivated. God was planting me in His Garden of Carmel to be formed and pruned as He sees fit. God had used my whole life to bring me to this point. The spirit of Carmel never left me from the time I was a little girl. God did allow me serve Him through my prayers and sacrifices and bring souls closer to Him.

     Being a member of Carmel will strengthen me in my desire, capabilities and capacity to serve God more diligently. I will be blessed with the graces from the Order of Discalced Carmelites to help me accomplish God’s will for my life.

     This totally unexpected gift with which I was blessed, is a perfect example of God’s timing, not mine.

    “Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains”
(Jm 5 vs 7).



   
   
     
   
   
   

   
   
   
   
   
     

That Mary Thing

     My head and heart were in another world, as I strolled through the store. Our parish May Procession had been the previous day and I was overflowing with love for Our Lady.

     The music, the prayers, the multitude of young and old alike, lifting their hearts and minds to God in praise and thanksgiving for His Mother, filled my being with joy! The hymns that were sung stirred childhood memories which brought sweet tears to my eyes. I was grateful to God for the gift of His Mother and the love that we've shared all these years.

Put Out into the Deep

     “I want to go fishing sometimes. How? I will tell you. The most holy passion of Jesus is a sea of sorrows but, at the same time, a sea of love. Pray to God that He teach you to fish in this sea. Then dive into its depths. No matter how deep you go, you will never reach bottom.” St. Paul of the Cross



     Our minds have become so accustomed to the fact that Jesus suffered and died on the cross for us that we fail to see the immensity and intensity of His passion. His love was met with rejection and brutality. We forget that Jesus was God who became flesh, to offer His body to the Father for our sins. We forget that He was sinless, yet took upon Himself all the sins of the world, from the beginning of time until its end. During His passion, Jesus, in His humanity, felt fear, anxiety, forgotten, betrayal, anguish, and excruciating pain. His love was so pure that His feelings were intensified and crushing. Jesus came, out of His great love for us, to show us how to love by giving of Himself completely and laying down His life.

Tabernacle of Love

     “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God” ( Lk. 1 vs. 35).



     These words from St. Luke are sometimes so familiar to us, that we fail to truly grasp the reality.   GOD BECAME MAN – IN THE WOMB OF A WOMAN, and a very young woman at that! This is a statement that should just blow us away! Our finite minds cannot begin to fully comprehend just how Mary felt, but never the less, let’s try to delve into that divine mystery.

Mary's Gift

     From my youthful years this prayer has held an important place in my spiritual life. The Rosary has accompanied me in moments of joy and in moments of difficulty. To it I have entrusted any number of concerns: in it I have always found comfort.”                                                   Pope John Paul  II


     I remember, as a little girl, kneeling in our living room and praying the rosary with my family. It was not something we did with regularity, but when an urgent event presented itself. As I grew older, although my relationship with Our Lady was still very important to me, my devotion to the rosary dwindled to praying it at “viewings” for deceased loved ones.

The Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me

     As a child, and even for much of my adult life, my relationship with the Holy Spirit has not been what I would necessarily call personal. I received the Sacrament of Confirmation in third grade, and although I was catechized very well - I was a Baltimore Catechism student - I didn't really feel close to the Holy Spirit. Sure I prayed to Him at what I saw as the appropriate times; like to help me remember the answers to a test for which I had studied, or for the right words to say in a difficult situation. I also asked Him for specific gifts, fruits and graces, since I figured that was His territory. But it wasn't really much of a relationship.

Avia Joy has two unique birthmarks

     Before the birth of Avia Joy, while she was still being formed within the womb of my heart, and designed by the inspiration of God, I just has a sense that something was missing.

     She was lovely to behold - there was no denying that! Her soft shades of coral and blue - her beautiful name - her unique description - and of course, I can't forget the hummingbirds. It was all so very pretty, but not quite complete.