PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!!!!

      “Mary’s childlike trust consists in giving a full yes to God – without knowing everything this yes implies. This complete yes is full of trust, not of detailed knowledge of what is to come. In his encyclical on Mary, Pope St. John Paul II captured this dimension of her faith: ‘To believe means ‘to abandon oneself’ to the truth of the word of the living God, knowing and humbly recognizing ‘how unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways’ (Rom. 11:33)’ (Redemptoris Mater, no. 14). Mary teaches us how to say yes, too, with her childlike simplicity and trust, even when the full truth often lies in darkness.”                                                                                                                                                                                                 Icon of Trust – Fr Slawomir Szkredka

     Unlike our Mother Mary, I have been struggling with giving my full yes to God.    

     I feel like I have been living under “the cloud of unknowing” for the last year and a half. I wrestle with God Who asks for my full and complete trust.

Be Not Afraid!

      “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5

     As I gazed upon that scripture verse, hanging on the wall of my bedroom, I longed for that to be true. I knew I was so very far away from finding my rest and hope in Him alone.

He Must Increase; I Must Decrease

     “So many hours of work and now it is ruined—but it isn’t really so at all. Every stitch was taken for Jesus and was an offering of love to Him, but He wanted so much more. He wanted it all to come to nothing to see if it really was wholly for Him.”        Mother Aloysius of the Blessed Sacrament

     I like to have control. I like to be in control! That’s correct. You’ve heard right. I’ve admitted it. I’ve said it out loud in this vast blogsphere. So, writing a spiritual blog at times for me, is very difficult.

A Time to. . .

     It’s been over four months since I’ve posted anything!

     That wasn’t exactly my plan, and to be quite honest with you, I really don’t know what is happening with Avia Joy.

     She was quite a surprise, no, a shock to me, when God placed her on my mind and heart, five years ago. I didn’t know what a blog was, let alone how to create and operate one. But I trusted God and took one step at a time, and she flourished and grew, and so did I.

     Avia Joy was born at a time in my life, when a door was slammed shut suddenly and unexpectedly! My heart felt crushed by the betrayal I was experiencing. God breathed new life into my heart, when it felt as if it were broken. God used the situation to show me that He would never forget or forsake me, but would use the situation for my good. . . and He did. He sent people into my life that would assist me in giving birth and life to Avia Joy.

     My experience taught me how to wait on the Lord and His timing, for the inspiration to write what my audience, His children, needed to hear.

     It also taught me how to let go of control, something that I still struggle to do, when God is telling me, not yet, not now, the answer is no, and, will you trust Me?

     Avia Joy has ministered to me and taught me so very much on my journey with God. It is my hope and prayer that she had helped you grow to love and trust God in a richer and fuller way.

     I am not sure if this is the end of Avia Joy or not. In my heart, I don’t want it to end. . . Not Now… Not Yet. As scripture tells us: “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heaven. A time to give birth, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot the plant” (Ecc 3:1-2.

     It is uncertain to me, at this time, whether or not I will be posting again. I will remain open to continuing, if it is God’s will for me at this time in my life. He has been keeping me so very busy, and blogging has not been part of the busyness. As time unfolds, it will become evident just want the good Lord is asking of me.

     Until then, let us keep one another in prayer, that we will always accept and recognize the path that God has marked out for us. Although it is not always the road we’d choose ourselves, we must remember, because it is our Papa’s will for us, is it always the path that will lead us to eternal life.

     “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope” (Jer 29: 11).

    

Mea Culpa!

     “God, give me the Lent I need, not necessarily the Lent I want,” was my prayer on Ash Wednesday. God IS faithful; He answered my prayer. He is using this time to show me how to conquer the flaws with which I struggle. Weeks before Lent God began to teach me lessons in faith and trust. As I entered the desert of Lent, He has allowed circumstances in my life to unfold to give me practice in these areas.

     “Oh, that today you would hear His voice, harden not your hearts” (Psalm 95:7b).

The Fixer

     “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.”  
                                                                                                                Hebrews 11: 1


     I have been struggling lately with issues of control.

     From the time I was a little girl, because of situations which I could not control, I became “The Fixer.” Now, I’m not sure if anyone else saw me as such, but it was my way of coping or dealing with difficult situations. It was an identity that I saw as useful and helpful and clung to it tightly, believing it to be a “good thing.”

Embracing Emptiness

     “It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to something new and unexpected to happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God’s action in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let’s pray that we can let go of fear and embrace God as the source of love.”                                                           Henri Nouwen



     When we feel emptiness, a restlessness full of uncertainty, within our deepest self, we want to act as quickly as possible and do something. Anything! We do not want to acknowledge it, let alone entertain or sit with it, because we do not know what will be asked of us. We try to avoid looking at it and pretend it isn't there. We keep busy; filling our time, hoping it will just go away!

Just Let Go

     It is a beautiful spring day: the sun is shining and the sky is bright blue. The birds are singing and there is a gentle breeze. There is a lake, surrounded by weeping willow trees. There is a rowboat on the lake with two passengers: you and God.

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 2 of 3

     When God poses a question to me, He knows I will not rest until I get an answer. The question that God had placed on my heart was, “Who are you?” I really wasn't sure. What had been such a rock solid identity was suddenly shaky and uncertain. I in turn had to turn to God and ask Him, “Who, Lord, do You say that I am?”  It took some time, but the answer did come, little by little. I knew in the depths of my heart that what I was experiencing was both a natural and supernatural evolution to a better me. I knew that I had to trust that God was involved with every aspect of this change, but that I had to be patient and surrender to His molding and shaping….no matter how painful it seemed at times.

     God had me look at the different identities I played in my life. In my early years, I was daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. Later on, girlfriend, wife, daughter, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law and now grandmother. I had adjusted well to each identity. I had handled our daughter’s marriage quite well and becoming a grandmother was wonderful! Why was I struggling so? What was so different now? This was a wonderful time in our lives, so why did I feel so displaced?