The Purifying Furnace of the Sacred Heart

     “One should not say that it is impossible to reach a virtuous life; but one should say it is not easy. Nor do those who have reached it find it easy to maintain." St. Anthony of the Desert

     I had been in such a good place: filled with peace, easily dying to self, accepting all that God set before me and truly living in the spirit!

     I am not there anymore, and I’m not quite sure when I reached “this state.” I could no longer find contentment or peace.

Don't Lose Hope...Dreams Do Come True!

         "God would not inspire me with desires which cannot be realized."                                                                                                                                                                  St. Therese                                                                                                                                                            

     For some time in early January, I felt a nudge, again and again from St. Therese and St. Denis to come to France. I felt puzzled by the inspiration and kept wondering if it truly was coming from them or from my vivid imagination.

Thorns Among the Roses--Part 2

      Sightseeing in Europe is quite different than here in the states. Many of the places we visited touted a 3,200-year history and more, with palaces, ancient cathedrals and basilicas, cobblestone streets lined with quaint shops and a town square. 

     Alba de Torres was no different. The town square was quite charming! It had been decorated with flags the week before to celebrate St. Teresa’s feast day and a group of men were marching around playing instruments to continue the celebration.

Do Whatever He Tells You

      Raphael called the two men aside privately and said to them: “Thank God! Give him the praise and the glory. Before all the living, acknowledge the many good things he has done for you, by blessing and extolling his name in song. Before all men, honor and proclaim God’s deeds, and do not be slack in praising him. A king’s secret is prudent to keep, but the works of God are to be declared and made known. Praise them with due honor.”                                                                 Tobit 12: 6-7     

     As the nudge from God to write again was revealed to me, I wondered just how long it had been. To my shock and amazement, it had been over 11 months! So very much had transpired in that time, and so much of it, miraculous in nature.

     God’s hand in my life, and in the lives of those I loved, was so evident to me now. I knew it was time to tell the story and give God the praise that was long overdue! In order not to shortchange God, it will take a good number of posts.     

New Wine ~ His Wine

     “In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine. In the soil, I now surrender, You are breaking new ground. So I yield to You and to Your careful hand. When I trust You I don’t need to understand.
     “Make me Your vessel. Make me Your offering. Make me whatever You want me to be. I came here with nothing, but all You have given me. Jesus make new wine out of me.
     “In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine. In the soil, I now surrender, You are breaking new ground. You are breaking new ground.
     “Where there is new wine, there is new power. There is new freedom and the Kingdom is here. I lay down my old flames to carry Your new fire today.”                                                                                                                     Lyrics to “New Wine” by Brooke Lingertwood, Hillsong Music


     Sometimes you have to be careful for what you pray!

     Little did I realize that fact, a year and a half ago, when I asked Jesus, through the intercession of Our Lady of Cana, to turn the water of my marriage into a deep rich wine.

     I was yearning for something more, in my relationship with my husband, as well as my relationship with God. What did I have to lose? It felt like an inspiration from the Holy Spirit, so I made my “infamous” request!

     Although I had no idea just how God would answer my request, I didn’t expect it to be too difficult or grueling. I assumed that He would point out a few ways that my husband needed to change, and several ways for myself. You know, keep it even. Keep it fair!

     Now, in retrospect, I can hear Jesus speaking the words that He uttered to James and John: “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” Mt 20:22.

     Jesus was correct. I DID NOT know what I was asking. I had NO idea that I would be placed under a big microscope and that many flaws that I had, would be pointed out to me, and along with them, the manner in which to change.

     God began to show me just how very poorly and conditionally I loved. Not just my husband, but many others. He then began to show me how I was not able to overcome my faults on many levels, the way I was able to do in the past. He was showing me all my weaknesses and shortcomings. I felt like I was crushed and pressed – maybe even obliterated! If this was the answer to my prayer, I’m not so sure I wanted that deep rich wine anymore!

     I was struggling and suffering in many areas of my life: in my marriage, in relationships with people I loved, in prayer, with God, and many other ways.

      I felt confused, and stuck. I didn’t want to move forward or backward because I wasn’t even sure which direction to head. I felt like I was regressing so very much in my relationship with God and on my spiritual journey. I felt like a failure in so many ways and wasn’t sure which way to turn.

     It was about that time, when all felt lost, that I gave my dear friend, the Carmelite Hermit, a call and shared my dilemma with him.

     To my utter surprise, he told me that I was in a good place. God was in fact, answering my prayer by perfecting me in all the different ways that I was lacking. He told me to be patient with myself and thank God for the work that He was doing in me. Brother told me that for all these years I was self-sufficient, believing it to be a good thing, but it was not.  God wanted me to depend upon Him and not myself. I was to allow God to do what needed to be done and to co-operate with Him in bringing this about. This IS really GOOD news, he told me excitedly! Somehow, I didn’t feel his excitement, but he did shine a glimmer of hope on me.

     In sharing my “good news” with another friend, she sent me the song, “New Wine,” by Hillsong. She told me that this was My Song: This is what has been happening to you since you prayed for new wine. I listened to the song and then printed the words to digest them and let them sink in.

     She was correct! I felt crushed and pressed by all that was happening in my life, but now it all made sense. God was making of me a new wine and I needed to surrender and co-operate. I had to allow Him to work and make an offering of myself and my life so He could change me into whatever He wants me to be.

     I needed to yield to Him and stop demanding that I understand all that was happening, and trust instead. I had to surrender in this new soil that was breaking all around me. It was new wine that He was bringing about, if only I would die to my own will and abandon myself to His.

     This is not an easy thing to do, but I now realize that it is essential! In order for me to be willing to surrender and die, I have to remind myself that “where there is new wine, there is new power, there is new freedom, and the Kingdom is here. I lay down my old flames, to carry Your new fire today.” I want so much, in the deepest part of my heart, the freedom that God wants to offer to me by changing me into that deep rich wine.

    Although I am not yet the “new wine” that I prayed for that evening, I am beginning to smell the aroma of a sweet rich wine. I am not naïve, at this point, to think I’ll be sipping that wine anytime soon. I am well aware, that there is still so much in me that needs to be purified and refined – crushed and pressed. I am now a willing grape, to be placed in the winepress until God has produced the best wine.

     I hear Jesus say the promising words, “But I have saved the good wine until now.”

     And I do not want to settle for anything less!
    
    
    
    

A Gift Well Hidden

      I wanted to ignore or deny my negative feelings. After all, we are celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus. He IS risen! Alleluia!

     I should feel joyous. I should feel happy and blessed, but instead, I feel stuck in Lent.

     What is wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way? 

He Who Makes Us Desire, Grants Our Desire

     “More than ever, I understand that the smallest events of our life are conducted by God; He is the One who makes us desire and who grants our desires.             
                                                                                                 St. Therese of Lisieux

     We all have dreams and desires of our hearts; some we’ve had for a long time, whiles other fairly new: our vocation, children, goals in life, places to visit, a home, spiritual hopes and the such.

     As our lives unfold, our desires are fulfilled or not. Like the seasons, they change and sometimes even fade away, while others come to fruition, grow and blossom.

Light in the Darkness

     Sadness had overtaken my focus on Christmas. There was nothing manifest to make me feel this way.

     We had had a wonderful Christmas celebration with family and friends. I had made time for Christ and had carved out “quiet moments” to keep my focus on His birth. So, what was wrong?

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

     I don’t often pray for fair weather, but in this situation, I felt as though I should.

     We had planned an “end of summer BBQ” and had chosen the day which would work best for us to host.

     Several days before the event, while heading into the chapel, I received a text from one of the guests: Would you consider changing the date because the weather was not going to be nice on Sunday? Monday was going to be sunny and hot. The children would enjoy themselves much more if they could go swimming in the nicer weather.

An Awakening

     “We can trust our Lady’s love for us and her knowledge of God. The woman who says, Do whatever He tells you, is the girl who sang the Magnificat, rejoicing that her Son had come for our joy, and this first miracle, symbol as it is of Christ’s life in us, was not a miracle related to suffering, but one designed to give an increase of joy to the people already rejoicing. That good wine is a symbol of Christ’s life in our soul, changing our tepid, colorless human nature to the strong life-giving humanity of Christ, and giving it the power to invigorate others, to warm their hearts and minds, to kindle the life in them with Christ’s love, just as wine given to a cold weary person tones up the blood in their veins.”    
                                                                                                             Caryll Houselander


     Late last January, after meditating on the reading of the Wedding Feast of Cana, I prayed and asked Our Lady, to BEG Jesus to turn the water of my marriage into a deep rich wine. Having been inspired to make this prayer, I FELT CERTATIN that God would answer it. I just wasn’t sure how.

Total Abandonment

     “To us, weak creatures, the idea of a complete, final surrender often is frightening, but that is because we do not know God well enough. The fact is that God’s will for us is always for our happiness and when we do surrender to it, it is to our own happiness that we are abandoning ourselves.”       
                                                                                  Caryll Houselander


     Complete and final surrender: we run from it! Since our fall from grace in the Garden of Eden, humanity has always wanted to pick and choose for themselves: Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Abraham and Sarah, and on and on and on. We think we know what is best for us, and at times, become our own little god, by manipulating events in the direction we see fit. We refuse to accept the reality of our lives and instead, sabotage the outcome. 

Both Hands on the Wheel

     “Prayer is not a ‘spare wheel’ that you pull out when in trouble, but it is your ‘steering wheel’ that directs your path throughout life.”             
                                                                               Author Unknown

     Think about it. Who would plan a trip, get into the car, discover the steering wheel is missing and try to make the trip anyway? None of us would want to drive our cars without a steering wheel, since we would be unable to navigate to our desired destination. So why, when prayer is the steering wheel that directs our path throughout life, do we try to navigate without it, or think we don’t need it at all?

The Wonder of God's Ways

     “I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces. The flames of mercy are burning Me. I desire to pour them out on human souls. Oh, what pain they cause Me when they do not want to accept them! I am looking for souls who would like to receive My grace.”                                              
                                                                                        Jesus to St. Faustina


     When Rachel read those words about 6 months ago, they penetrated her heart! Christ was speaking directly to her!

     Saddened by the pain Christ experienced when souls reject His love and grace, Rachel felt convicted to do something to help. In order to console Him, Rachel planned to beg Jesus to bestow on her, all the love and graces He had to give, that was rejected by others. She would practice this devotion when she received Jesus in Holy Communion and during her prayer time

     Being a daily communicant, Rachel couldn’t wait to add this beautiful practice to her time of thanksgiving with Jesus in Holy Communion. It brought joy to her heart each time she brought consolation and love to Christ’s Heart, by asking for the unsought love and graces. She smiled, both inside and out, when she thought about the benefits of her great find: she not only relieved the pain and suffering of Jesus, but she would receive extra love and grace. It was a win/win situation and she delighted in the way it had enhanced her reception of Holy Communion, as well as her prayer time.

                                                                 Fast forward six months.

     Rachel is at Mass. A young girl is sitting next to her. The girl is texting, checking her email, and whatever else she could do on her phone while Mass is being celebrated.

     Rachel is feeling very distracted by the girl’s actions. She wants to do or say something, but holds back. The consecration is about to begin. Rachel is hoping that the girl will have the good sense to at least stop during this very sacred time. She does not. Rachel’s feelings move from distraction, to being very upset!

        It was now time to for Communion. While Rachel was coming back to her seat, after receiving Jesus, she felt like her heart could break. The young girl was so oblivious to all the love and graces that Jesus wanted to give her. Rachael eyes filled with tears. As Rachel is speaking with Jesus and asking for His rejected love and mercy, Jesus speaks to her heart. He tells her that this girls’ actions are a perfect example of the way He is rejected. He is right there, waiting to pour His love and mercy upon her, and she is totally unaware of Him and His presence – even after having received Him in Holy Communion.

     Rachel cries inwardly from the depth of her heart, “Oh my Lord Jesus! Please forgive her. She does not know what she is doing.  I’ll take the love and mercy that she is rejecting. Pour it down on me. Pour it down on her as well. She doesn’t even know that it’s there for the taking.” Once more, Rachel asked Jesus to forgive the girl.

     Mass was over. Rachel left Church feeling distraught and heavy hearted.

     Several days had passed since the incident at Mass. Rachel thought about the girl and prayed for her. She had a difficult time understanding the young girl’s indifference to the treasures Jesus wanted to share. She would continue to pray for the girl. Maybe that’s why they were seated together . . .  God wanted Rachel to pray for her.

     The following week was particularly challenging for Rachel. Whatever could go wrong did. She was weary, tired, cranky and frazzled. By the end of the week, Rachel felt like she had no control of anything in her life. She needed some comfort. She wanted to do something for herself. Her entire week had been spent on others; she desperately needed some kind of reprieve!

     Rachel turned to her own devices and after indulging, she realized that she did not even enjoy it. She felt guilty. It had not taken away her negative feelings, in fact, it had added to their weight.

     While sitting, chastising herself for her actions, she heard the sweet voice of Jesus. “Rachel, remember the other day at Mass, when you were upset about the young girl on her phone, and you couldn’t understand why? You have just done the same thing.

     “You had a bad week, but you always have a choice. You could have come to Me. I was waiting for you with My grace and merciful love. You choose instead to turn away from Me and go to your own devices, rejecting Me and My gifts. Rachel, I want to be the One you run to when life is difficult. I want to fill you with My love, mercy and graces, not only at Holy Communion, but anytime! I am here. I can fill you. Come to Me. I love you and want what’s best for you. Other things will leave you empty. I will not.”

     Rachel could not believe her ears! She would have not ever imagined, that she could be like the young girl who had blatantly ignored Jesus. She felt ashamed of her actions. Remorse and contrition filled her soul. She did not mean to hurt Jesus. She would never want to hurt Him. Rachel loved to bring Him joy and happiness! She was filled with sorrow. Rachel asked Jesus to forgive her. She then realized the reason she had been seated beside the young girl: to learn that she too can choose to reject or turn towards Jesus’ merciful love and grace. He is always there, waiting to pour it down upon us. We only have to ask.

    Previously, Rachel hadn’t realized that she could practice this devotion outside of her prayer time and when receiving Jesus in Holy Communion. This realization opened up vast new opportunities for her to soothe the Heart of Jesus. She now felt excited. God has used her fall to teach her a valuable lesson!

     Little did Rachel realize, that her new “spiritual friend,” would have such a positive impact on her relationship with God. Her friends’ poor actions would help her and others to grow closer to God. The power of evil was crushed by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. The wonder of God’s ways!

    Rachel, my dear sister, shared this story with me because she knew it could help me in my struggle towards holiness. I asked if she’d mind if I shared it with you. She gave me her blessing!

     Let us follow Rachel’s lead. Let us relieve the burning heart of Jesus, by begging Him for the rejected love and mercy that He longs to pour upon souls. Let us make this our practice, not only in our time of prayer and when receiving Jesus in Holy Communion, but throughout our day as well. May we especially turn to Jesus, in our moments of weakness and temptation. He is there waiting for us, with all the love and graces that we need to fill our hearts like a banquet. We only need to ask!

     Jesus longs and thirsts for our love. Slake His thirst by allowing Him to pour His love and mercy upon you. Relieve His pain and bring joy to His heart! Allow His love to fill you to the brim. Everything else will leave you empty!

     “Thus I will bless you while I live; lifting up my hands, I will call upon Your name. As with the riches of a banquet shall my soul be satisfied, and with exultant lips my mouth shall praise You” (Psalm 63: 5-6).  

    “O my Strength, it is You to whom I turn, for You, O God, are my stronghold, the God who shows me love” (Psalm 59:18).
    
    
    
    
                                               

Mary -- My Mother -- My Teacher

     “Your prayer, like all things, rests entirely in the hands of the Father. As you spend time with Mary in prayer, and as she reveals her heart to you, she will share with you how she is able to receive the Father’s love in all circumstances, whether holding Jesus in her arms at Bethlehem or Calvary. Mary’s pure heart is able to accept divine love in every moment, even when her circumstances are painful. Mary has utter trust in the Father’s care for her, and she is completely surrendered to His will, even to the point of offering her dear Son at Calvary without any resistance. Mary will show you how to trust completely, how to admit the Father’s love into every circumstance, and how to allow Him to have total control of your life, in the confidence that He will stay with you. By being with Mary at Calvary, she shares with you her freedom to allow God to love as He chooses and in the measure that He desires. No part of Mary’s life is protected from God; everything is His. Mary leads you into this experience from the inside, from her own awareness of God and from her own willingness to let Him be everything for  her.                                                                                           
 Good counsel from a wise and holy priest


     These precious words were given to me in spiritual direction over five and a half years ago. Since that time, I have meditated on these words, again and again, trying to glean and receive from Mary, my mother, this awesome lesson of trust.

     Learning to accept and receive Papa’s love when circumstances are painful, is not something that comes natural to me. Often like a frightened little child, I want to run and hide – fleeing from the pain – hoping it will just disappear. The thought that my heavenly Father has allowed it, does not give me comfort but sets me in confusion. My reaction points out how very far I am from complete surrender and trust in the love of the Father. My vision is skewed. I do not yet see life as Mary does.

    “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God” (Mt 5: 8).

     Unlike my mother Mary, my heart is not pure. I do not always see God nor feel His love in difficult circumstances. My heart is wounded by my own sins and by the pain inflicted by others. In my woundedness, I fear the cost of consciously making myself vulnerable. I fear laying aside my own will when receiving all the burden of life’s circumstances – and accepting the will of God without resistance. Nevertheless, I am well aware that I cannot control every aspect of my life, nor the lives of those I love. Life will have its way and things will happen that will be painful and difficult. And though I try to resist the idea of surrender, something deep within my mind and heart calls me to beg and plead to my Mother that I may receive this special grace from God.

     This desire causes me to want to spend time with Mary at Calvary, so she may share with me her freedom to allow God to love me as He chooses and in the measure He desires. I long to give all to God and not close any area of my life to Him as “off limits.” I yearn to truly learn from Mary how to accept God’s divine love in every moment of my life – painful times as well as joyous. I desire to stop hiding behind a chair, like a frightened child, and run to my Papa’s arms instead – receiving the love that He longs to lavish upon me. My hope is that my Mother Mary will teach me and lead me to allow God, my heavenly Father, to be everything for me.

     Although I have progressed in this area, it is clear I have much to learn and surrender. God ALONE knows the remaining time I have on this earth and He will adjust my lessons accordingly. Until He calls me home, I will continue to be a pupil in the school of Mary, praying to her Spouse the Holy Spirit, asking Him to fill me with His gifts and graces to respond fully that I may become a true daughter of my Mother Mary!
    
         
    

Become Whole-Hearted

     “An obvious sign of attachments is also your sadness in situations when God takes something away from you. He will, therefore, take that by which you are enslaved – hence everthing that is your greatest enemy, that which causes your heart not to be free for Him. It is when you start to accept this and do it cheerfully that you will become more and more free.
     During prayer in the presence of the Lord, show Him not only your empty but also dirty hands, defiled by the attachments to mammon, and pray that He will have mercy on you. Prayer can develop only in the atmosphere of freedom. As a disciple of Christ, you are called to prayer; and that is to contemplative prayer. For your prayer to become contemplation – that is, a loving gaze on Jesus Christ, your beloved – a free heart is essential. That is why Christ fights so much for your heart to be free. He fights through various events, through difficulties and storms, by putting you in difficult situations, all the while giving you a chance to cooperate intensively with grace. In all these situations, Christ expects that you will try to cleanse your heart, soiled by attachments and servitude to mammon. In this way, all these difficulties and all the storms are a grace for you. They are the passing by of the Merciful Lord, who loves you so much that He wants to give you this magnificent fight – the gift of total freedom of your heart. Your heart should not be divided, it should be a heart solely for Him.                                                                                                                                               To have faith means to see and understand your life’s sense in accordance with the Gospel – God is most important. Your life is to be aimed at Him: to seek and build primarily His kingdom believing that everything else will be given to you (Mt 6:33). God wants to bestow on each person all His love. However, He can gift a person only to the extent of his openness, of his readiness to be stripped of attachments, so that room may be made for Him. It is faith that creates in us this emptiness and vacuum for God.                                                                                                                                         Father Tadeusz Dajczer



     God wants your heart – your whole heart. He also wants you to be free, to love Him as you should. Jesus became man, suffered and died in order to give you this gift of freedom. Walk in that grace, realizing that it was bought with the blood of Christ.

Head in the Right Direction

     “My food is to do the will of the One who sent Me and to finish His work.”                                                             John 4 vs 34


     God has given to each of us work to accomplish. Work which reveals itself to us as each day of our life unfolds. Our work is not a single task but a continuum of tasks we accomplish one after another.

     Following God’s commandments, as well as the teachings of the Catholic Church, helps us in navigating the road to His will. Fulfilling the duties of our state in life, to the best of our ability, will keep us heading in the right direction.

Love's Clock

     “The distance separating Our Lord from the house where Lazarus lived was about a day’s journey . . . in all it would have been four days since He received the news. God’s delays are mysterious; sorrow is sometimes prolonged for the same reason for which it is sent. God may abstain for the moment from healing, not because Love does not love, but because Love never stops loving, and a greater good is to come from the woe. Heaven’s clock is different from ours.”          Bishop Fulton J. Sheen


     Why does God allow suffering? Why does He delay in answering our prayers, or at times, appear not to even hear them? Those were probably the thoughts of Martha and Mary when they contacted Jesus and He failed to come to heal their brother Lazarus. Lazarus was already dead four days by the time Jesus arrived.

Fanning the Flame

     It was March 19, the feast of St. Joseph.

     Feeling burdened and insecure, I had gone to the Adoration chapel to make a visit and seek divine assistance. Later that evening, because of my suggestion, our faith enrichment group was going to read The Flame of Love, an abridged version of Elizabeth Kindelmann’s diary. Although familiar with the FOL Movement since late last spring, I could not articulate much about it, let alone facilitate a study. So why was I going to do it? Although filled with fear and apprehension, it did seem like the next step to take.

Be Stouthearted and Wait

     “When uncertain about God’s will, it is very important that we tell ourselves: Even if there are aspects of God’s will that escape me, there are always others that I know for sure and can invest in without any risk, knowing that this investment always pays dividends: these certainties include fulfilling the duties of our state in life and practicing the essential points of every Christian vocation. There is a defect here that needs to be recognized and avoided: finding ourselves in darkness about God’s will on an important question . . . we spend so much time searching and doubting or getting discouraged, that we neglect things that are God’s will for us every day, like being faithful to prayer, maintaining trust in God, loving people around us here and now. Lacking the answers about the future, we should prepare to receive them by living today to the full.” Fr. Jacques Phillipe


     There are times in our lives when we flounder. We believe that God is calling us to do something: sometimes a very specific task, while other times something totally unknown to us. We begin to doubt and become impatient and restless because the opportunity has not yet presented itself, or our questions appear unanswered. We make the judgment that it should have happened within a certain amount of time, and when it hasn’t, we question both ourselves and God. “Was this just my imagination, or was it really You God?”

His Deepest Desires

     Then the sweet Redeemer asked me to pray with Him the prayer that expresses His deepest desires:

May our feet journey together.

May our hands gather in unity.

May our hearts beat in unison.

May our souls be in harmony.

May our thoughts be as one.

May our ears listen to the silence together.

May our glances profoundly penetrate each other.

May our lips pray together to gain mercy from the Eternal Father.

Amen.

     I made this prayer completely mine. The Lord meditated on it many time with me, asserting these are His eternal longings. He taught me this prayer, so I would in turn teach it to others. With all our strength and mind, let us make our own His eternal thoughts and burning desires.
                An excerpt from the diary of Elizabeth Kindelmann*


     What a beautiful, powerful prayer Our Lord shared with Elizabeth: a prayer that expresses His eternal longings. The very longings that He has for each one of us! Let us look at them together and discover the love of our Savior.