No, No, Nervous Nellie!

     I’m not what you would call a “nervous Nelly.” In fact, most of the time, I am peace filled. I think it’s partly because of the disposition with which God blessed me, as well as my strong relationship with God and my dependence upon Him.

     That being said, there is an area in my life with which I struggle to hand over to God and find difficult not to want to FIX IT MYSELF!

The Lent I Need

     “Come Holy Spirit! Consume in me anything that keeps me from being consumed in You.”


     I thought I had begun Lent on the right foot. For several weeks prior to its start, I had prayed and asked God to direct my path and let me know just how He was calling me to change.

     The answer I received seemed somewhat vague, so I tried to contrive which areas within myself, needed work. Several ideas came to me. My plan was to work on my quiet prayer time. For some time now, I was giving in to distractions, instead of ignoring them. I wanted to nip that in the bud. The other thing I wanted to work on was not snacking after 8 o’clock. Most of the time when I snacked, I was not really hungry. I was trying to comfort a restlessness or disappointment in my life, instead of going to God with my feelings. That’s what I’ll do, I thought!

Embracing Emptiness

     “It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to something new and unexpected to happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God’s action in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let’s pray that we can let go of fear and embrace God as the source of love.”                                                           Henri Nouwen



     When we feel emptiness, a restlessness full of uncertainty, within our deepest self, we want to act as quickly as possible and do something. Anything! We do not want to acknowledge it, let alone entertain or sit with it, because we do not know what will be asked of us. We try to avoid looking at it and pretend it isn't there. We keep busy; filling our time, hoping it will just go away!

Begin the Task Anew

     “Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew.”                             St. Frances de Sales



     Being patient with our imperfections is something most of us find difficult to do. Trying to see them as “useful” and “purposeful” for our salvation is not how they are normally perceived.

Listen, ponder and pray

     “If you really want to become holy, don’t ask your friends, most especially your spiritual friends. Ask the people you live with, how you need to change to grow in holiness.  And when they tell you – and they will – don’t react and get defensive. Think about what they say – bring it to prayer and see if there is any truth in it.”

     These were the words spoken by a priest many years ago, and I was one of the brave ones who decided to give it a try. I’m the kind of person who likes a challenge, so I figured if I was really serious in growing in my relationship with God, what would I have to lose? Besides, I really didn't expect to receive any revelations

An awakening

     I love the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but that wasn't always so. I grew up during the time when weekly confession was expected. The sisters had impressed upon us the need to keep our souls spotless to receive Jesus in Holy Communion and we readily complied.

     After the Vatican Council, it seemed as if we lost our ‘sense of sin,’ so little by little, the time between each of my confessions grew. I reasoned that I really wasn't a bad person and loved God a lot, so I justified my actions as okay. As a young adult, I made sure I made my ‘Easter duty’ and was quite pleased that I made it a priority and was a good Daughter of the Church.