Unmet Expectations

     Expectations – We all have them! We often don’t even realize their power over us until they go unmet. Then suddenly they become big and fierce and overwhelming. They knock us to our knees and distort our vision. We begin to look at the world through the lens of our great disappointment and loose our joy!

     Expectations vary: being married, having children, good health both for you and your loved ones, family unity, no drug or alcohol addictions, no financial problems, good and faithful friends, happy marriage, good children, family members practicing their faith, successful careers, vacations, down time, not too much stress, being loved, feeling appreciated, and so on.

     We have expectations of people: how they should act, what they should or shouldn’t say, the level of involvement they should have in our lives, how they should think about matters we see as important, and the like.

          And then we have expectations for specific occasions: good weather, good attendance, everything going smoothly, good health, low stress and a lovely time.

     And lastly, but of vital importance, we have expectations even of God: if He really loved me, my life would be easier, bad things wouldn’t happen, and all would be well!

     Truth be told, our expectations are often unrealistic. We want life to unfold as we imagine it should. When it doesn’t, we feel crushed. We expect others to be and act as we do. When they don’t, we do not understand and don’t even give them room to explain. Our minds are made up. They fell short. Why did we expect more from them? Why did we expect more from God?

     Believing that life should turn out as we would like is ludicrous! We are not in heaven. We live in a fallen world where sin abounds. We are not perfect, nor is anyone else. We will be disappointed and will disappoint others. We need to come to grips with the idea that this life is passing. We will have happy moments here, but they will be fleeting. Our goal is heaven where, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, for the old order has passed away. Behold, I make all things new” (Rv 21:4-5).

     Heaven is God’s promise to us. It gives us something to look toward when life is difficult and challenging – when our expectations are dashed and we are tempted to allow the evil one to rob us of our joy. We must not give him the power over us and our emotions. We need to remember that if Papa has allowed this particular situation, it must somehow be for our eternal good. We have to look at the whole picture and not just the part that is, in our eyes, out of line with our vision of how life should be. We have to remember that we are a work in progress and if we place our trust in God, these difficult times can make us into saints.

     The saints didn’t start out as saints. They were sinners just like us who just kept trying. Relying on the graces received from God and through His Sacraments, when life’s expectations were not met, they kept believing and trusting in God. They did not allow their disappointments to steer them from their goal of reaching holiness.

     What is another key to being able to trust and surrender to life’s happenings? Through grace you will believe in the goodness of God and trust in His tremendous love for you. Knowing that He will bring good from everything – even the really difficult stuff, is a gift! In our humanity, this is very hard for us to believe, but it’s God’s truth. The saints practiced this truth by thanking and praising God in all things.

     St. Teresa of Calcutta was known for saying, “The Lord gives, the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job1:21). Her trust in God was total and complete. She lived in darkness, yet held fast to God and His goodness.

     Jesus told St. Faustina that when she did not trust Him, it wounded Him deeply. She too was to praise and thank God for everything.

     We can’t forget St. Therese, who wrote in her biography, “Jesus does not demand great actions from us but, simply surrender and gratitude. Has He not said: ‘Offer to God the sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving?” (Ps 49:14).

     Giving thanks and praise to God in ALL THINGS is a tall order! It takes a heroic amount of grace to even entertain the idea of beginning this practice. Yet, I’m weary and tired of allowing the joy that the Lord wants to give me to be stolen. I want to correct my vision and look at life’s situations through the eyes of my heavenly Father. I want to let go of expectations and learn to trust, especially when everything tells me not to. I want to praise and thank God because it will give Him joy! It will show Him just how much I love Him and trust in His great love for me. It won’t be easy, but with the help of God and His great communion of saints, it is possible.

     “Joy isn’t found in the material objects surrounding us, but in the inner recesses of the soul. One can possess joy in a prison cell as well as in a palace (St. Therese).

     Deepen your trust in God. Let go of unmet expectations. Stop the thief in his tracks. Don’t allow him to rob you of your joy. Praise and thank God instead!

     “In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thes:18).
 
    
    
    

Become a Saint

     “Although we have formed good resolutions in our mind, we always feel handicapped by the weakness of sustained effort, which rebels against the weariness of sustained effort, and seeks to free itself from it, or at least to reduce it to a minimum. Our bodies are subject to fatigue; our minds are disturbed by emotions which are always fluctuating. That which at one moment fills us with enthusiasm may, at the next, become distasteful and annoying to such a point that we think we can no longer endure it. This is our state while on earth and no one can escape it. However, God calls us all to sanctity, and since sanctity requires a continual practice of virtue, He, who never ask the impossible, has provided a remedy for the instability of our nature by giving us the virtue of perseverance, the special object of which is the sustaining of our efforts. Though fickle by nature, we can by the help of grace become steadfast.”                                                                             Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D.


     Holiness does not come easily. It is an impossible task to carry out on our own. We often forget our weaknesses and become discouraged when we fail. We think we should be able to accomplish the resolutions we’ve made, and when we don’t, we beat ourselves up. Our pride blinds us, making us believe we should be able to do it with our own strength. We had been doing so well. What happened? We really thought we had finally overcome our weakness, but then the fall!

     “Whoever thinks he is standing secure should take care not to fall” (1Cor 10 vs 12).

Master of the House

     “Commitment is doing what you said you would do after the feeling you said it in has passed.” St. Camillus



     For those wishing to grow in holiness, I would like to take this quote a little further. Commitment is doing what you know you should do even when, and especially when you don’t feel like it.

     There are times in our lives when doing what we’ve made a commitment to do or to do what we should be doing, is very, very difficult. Now I’m not talking about the times we are physically exhausted and we long for a break, but times of spiritual desolation.

God Sees

     “In His hidden life, Jesus wished to descend to the most common things of human existence, to the daily life of a manual worker who supports a family. And so we see Him during almost the whole of His life working day after day, caring for His tools in the small workshop, dealing simply and in a friendly way with the neighbors who came to ask Him to make a table for them or a rafter for a new house, caring for His Mother with great affection. This is how He fulfilled the will of His Father God during those thirty years. When we look at His life, we learn to sanctify our own work, our family, our friendships. Everything that is truly human can be holy, can be a channel for our love of God, because our Lord on assuming our human nature, sanctified it.” Frances Fernandez



     In the day to day living out of our lives, being a Christian makes the way we live our lives radically different from unbelievers. It gives our lives and actions, purpose and value. By fulfilling the duties of our vocation, we grow in grace and holiness. When we offer our day to God, it becomes our gift to Him. It gives us Someone to keep our focus on, as we move throughout our day.

Masters of the Meaning

     “Our freedom always has this marvelous power to make what is taken from us – by life, events, or other people – into something offered. Externally there is no visible difference, but internally everything is transfigured: fate into free choice, constraint into love, loss into fruitfulness. Human freedom is of absolutely unheard-of greatness. It does not confer the power to change everything, but it does empower us to give a meaning to everything, even meaningless things; and that is much better. We are not always masters of the unfolding of our lives, but we can be masters of the meaning we give them. Our freedom can transform any event in our lives into an expression of love, abandonment, trust, hope, and offering.”                                                                                          Fr. Jacques Phillipe


     Life is not fair! Innocent people suffer. Family and friends betray us. Good people get sick, lose their jobs, their house, their finances, or their lives. We sometimes struggle to take the next step, only to get knocked down by something else. When these things happen, how do we keep our inner peace? How do we believe and trust that, in spite of the circumstances, God still loves us? What can we do to acquire the freedom that Fr. Jacques writes about?

Listen and Respond

     “Even though we know that God’s will and commandments apply to everyone, we do not always have the strength to fulfill them. Now, every time we respond faithfully to a motion of the Spirit, out of desire to be docile to what God expects of us, even if it’s something almost insignificant in itself, that may make us capable of one day practicing the commandments that up until then we had not been capable of fulfilling entirely.”                        Fr. Jacques Phillipe


     There is a very good chance that since you are reading this blog, you are striving to grow in your relationship with God. You are trying to grow in grace, holiness and virtue. You are looking deep within yourself, to discover your weaknesses and imperfections. You long so much to change, to please God in all that you do.

Eternal Designs

     “The action of God upon His saints is most gentle. How He respects our liberty! How He condescends to our weakness! He does not run or jump or act violently. We, being weak creatures, rush; but God works slowly, because He deals with eternity. We bewail the passage of minutes; but God serenely watches the flow of years. We wish to achieve the goal of our desires with a single rush; but God prepares His work gently, nor does our inconstancy weary Him, nor do our failures startle Him, nor do the complicated vicissitudes of life overturn His eternal designs.”                 Archbishop Luis M. Martinez



          Our soul is priceless and fragile, created to spend eternity with God, and we must begin to treat it as such. We need to become gentle with ourselves, as God is. We often beat ourselves up because we fall, without taking into account the times we overcame our weakness. We have to learn to be patient with ourselves, and not expect sainthood to be achieved overnight.

Finding Peace -- Keeping Peace

     “Jesus chided Martha, not because she gave herself to activity, but because she was too anxious about it: ‘Martha, Martha, thou art careful, and art troubled about many things’ (Lk 10:41). God wants activity, but not anxiety, for even in activity, the soul should attend to “the one thing necessary,” that is, union with Him. Therefore, as soon as a soul perceives that it is beginning to lose its interior calm, it should interrupt its work, if possible, at least for an instant, and retire into its interior with God. These brief moments of pause, frequently repeated, will accustom it, little by little, to keep calm and recollected in God, even in the most absorbing activity.” Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D.


     So often our days are spent in frantic activity. So much to do! So little time! We rush from task to task, trying to be efficient and get everything done. We want to be productive and in our haste, we lose our peace. Our head is spinning. Our neck feels tense. We long to get off of this merry-go-round of life and retreat from it all! We have lost our way in the mad dash and have taken our eyes off God!

Delighting in Last Place

     “Among all the creatures in which we take pleasure and toward which our nature seems to be attracted the most, self undoubtedly holds the first place. There is no one, no matter how limited in talents and good qualities, who does not love his own excellence, and who does not try, in one way or another, to make it shine forth to himself and to others. It is for this reason that we often spontaneously exaggerate our own worth, and as a result are demanding and pretentious. This makes us haughty and arrogant, as well as difficult in our relations with others. Humility is the virtue which keeps within just limits the love of one’s own excellence. Whereas self-esteem often induces us to make ourselves too evident, or to occupy a place which a higher than our due, humility keep us in our own place. Humility is truth: it tends to establish in truth both our intellect – by making us know ourselves as we really are – and our life, by inclining us to take, in relation to God and to men, our proper place and no other.”                                                                                                                                           Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D.


     A story is told that when asked which virtues were needed to grow in holiness, St. Augustine answered, “There are three, humility, humility and humility.”

Transformed by Love

     “Holiness doesn’t consist of knowing much, or doing much, but of loving much.”                                            Mother Angelica



     Holiness does not come easily. It is not something that we can obtain by wishing for, or reading a book. It is received when we are able to empty ourselves of all selfishness. It happens when our hearts resemble the Heart of Jesus – His Sacred Heart!

     We are in great need of a heart transformation. Our good God calls us to love as He does and that is very difficult for us to accomplish -- day in and day out. There are many circumstances when we see it as impossible; our love is wanting.

You -- Follow Me

     Jesus said to Peter, “Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me” (Jn. 21 vs. 18b, 19b).

       Peter turned and saw the disciple following whom Jesus loved. When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus said to him, “What if I want him to remain until I come? What concern is it of yours? You follow me” (Jn. 21 vs. 20b, 21-22).

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     Don’t you just love St. Peter? We are so very much like him in his humanness! Jesus had just told him that life will not turn out quite the way he thought. Peter’s response is to ask, “What about him?” Jesus wastes no time in putting Peter in his place and redirects Peter’s attention back to himself.

That Mary Thing

     My head and heart were in another world, as I strolled through the store. Our parish May Procession had been the previous day and I was overflowing with love for Our Lady.

     The music, the prayers, the multitude of young and old alike, lifting their hearts and minds to God in praise and thanksgiving for His Mother, filled my being with joy! The hymns that were sung stirred childhood memories which brought sweet tears to my eyes. I was grateful to God for the gift of His Mother and the love that we've shared all these years.

Not Your Average Joe

     “O God, Creator of all things, who laid down for the human race the law of work, graciously grant that by the example of St. Joseph and under his patronage we may complete the works You set us to do and attain the rewards You promise. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son, who lives and reigns with You in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.” Collect for the feast of St. Joseph the Worker


     God has a plan for each one of us: to complete the work He has called us to do. It is often in the mundane, ordinary work of our everyday lives that God expects us to exercise this plan. We must do all that we do, even when we don’t feel like it, in the best way possible, so we may offer it to God as a gift.

The Gift of Perserverance

     “Above all, it is necessary to ask of God every morning the gift of perseverance, and to beg of the Blessed Virgin to obtain it for you, and particularly in the time of temptation, by invoking the name of Jesus and Mary as long as the temptation lasts. Happy the man who will continue to act in this manner, and shall be found so doing when Jesus Christ shall come to judge him. ‘Blessed is that servant, whom, when his Lord shall come, he shall find so doing’ (Matt. 24:46).” St. Alphonsus De Liguori



     It is quite clear that St. Alphonsus was well aware of our human weakness. It is so very difficult for us to consistently strive, day in and day out, in our quest toward holiness. We grow weary, tired, and impatient, and can long for days when life could be a bit easier.

Seeking holiness

     We so often act as though holiness is something very complicated and out of our reach – like there’s a ‘hidden formula’ to follow – and so we spend our time searching for it, in the hope that when it’s found – just maybe we’ll get it right -- and then we’ll be holy!

     Our good God did not make our sanctification an impossible feat – but placed His Holy Spirit within our souls to direct our every thought, word, and deed . . . but we must be attentive to His voice and then surrender to His promptings, so He may form Jesus in us.