A Time to. . .

     It’s been over four months since I’ve posted anything!

     That wasn’t exactly my plan, and to be quite honest with you, I really don’t know what is happening with Avia Joy.

     She was quite a surprise, no, a shock to me, when God placed her on my mind and heart, five years ago. I didn’t know what a blog was, let alone how to create and operate one. But I trusted God and took one step at a time, and she flourished and grew, and so did I.

     Avia Joy was born at a time in my life, when a door was slammed shut suddenly and unexpectedly! My heart felt crushed by the betrayal I was experiencing. God breathed new life into my heart, when it felt as if it were broken. God used the situation to show me that He would never forget or forsake me, but would use the situation for my good. . . and He did. He sent people into my life that would assist me in giving birth and life to Avia Joy.

     My experience taught me how to wait on the Lord and His timing, for the inspiration to write what my audience, His children, needed to hear.

     It also taught me how to let go of control, something that I still struggle to do, when God is telling me, not yet, not now, the answer is no, and, will you trust Me?

     Avia Joy has ministered to me and taught me so very much on my journey with God. It is my hope and prayer that she had helped you grow to love and trust God in a richer and fuller way.

     I am not sure if this is the end of Avia Joy or not. In my heart, I don’t want it to end. . . Not Now… Not Yet. As scripture tells us: “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heaven. A time to give birth, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot the plant” (Ecc 3:1-2.

     It is uncertain to me, at this time, whether or not I will be posting again. I will remain open to continuing, if it is God’s will for me at this time in my life. He has been keeping me so very busy, and blogging has not been part of the busyness. As time unfolds, it will become evident just want the good Lord is asking of me.

     Until then, let us keep one another in prayer, that we will always accept and recognize the path that God has marked out for us. Although it is not always the road we’d choose ourselves, we must remember, because it is our Papa’s will for us, is it always the path that will lead us to eternal life.

     “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope” (Jer 29: 11).

    

Become Broken Hearted

     “This Heart is a pierced Heart. Jesus stands before us with a pierced Heart. We have seen how knowledge of God has always cost; the human heart has to be broken open before it can receive God, and thus it was with Jesus. And the deepest mystery of all is that we learn that the Father’s own Heart is pierced.
     How can we enter into this pierced Heart? Only by becoming like it, living in love at whatever cost, paying the high price of loving. Too easily we assume that loving is a pleasurable experience. Most surely it is the only sweetness in life, but this must be understood correctly. True love is always bleeding in our mortal life. You cannot have love in this life without pain.
     Just think of our own way of carrying on. We get hurt, offended. . .what do we do? Shrink into ourselves, erect all sorts of barriers. Our heart has withdrawn from the one who hurts us in any way. We mustn’t be hurt, “I matter,” our poor ego cries. But that is not how Jesus loves. If we would be like Him, we must struggle to the death with all this, refuse to curl up, refuse to withdraw in the slightest. We must go on exposing ourselves, giving ourselves, pouring ourselves out.
     We say we want to love, we want to serve, we want to give ourselves, and at bottom we are saying we want selfish satisfaction. We want to feel we matter, are important, we want to feel fulfilled; in other words, we are using others, and the beautiful concept of love is being abused. Love is selfless. The way into the Heart of Jesus is not through intellectual insight, not through glowing emotion, but through learning to pay the cost of pure love. There is sacrifice involved in letting others be themselves.”                                                                                      Sr. Ruth Borrows, O.C.D.



     As I read Sr. Ruth’s words, a memory stirred in my heart.

     “Your mission is to be the Wounded Heart.”

      I sat there many years ago, trying my best to absorb Father’s words and internalize their meaning.

No Mistake Here

     “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”               
                                                                                                        Luke 1:28, 42


     As I read those words, I felt very uncomfortable. I could not accept them. I could not receive them. I did not believe this message was meant for me. It must have been a mistake.

     Those words had been spoken to Our Lady – by Gabriel and Elizabeth. Like John the Baptist, I was unworthy to untie the straps of Mary’s sandals, let alone accept words that were meant for her.

     My friend must have misunderstood what she was supposed to do. After all, she was new to our group. Maybe it was not explained to her clearly enough that each of us was to choose either something from our study, or a scripture that was dear to our hearts. These messages were to be exchanged with one another and received as God’s gift to them. The words were often a lifeline and something to cling to in times of trial. This exchange was often the highpoint and culmination of our time together as a group, and one we all cherished and looked forward to receiving. Because my heart was closed to the gift, I felted cheated!

     I was struggling with my feelings. We had prayed as usual, that each of us would receive the “word” that God wanted us to receive. I felt like I would be a hypocrite, by accepting the word that I had received. I was not “full” of grace, and much of my “fruit,” my good works, had not, in my eyes anyway, appeared to have been blessed. There were areas, in which, I felt as though I had failed, and could not see the blessing. I asked God to enlighten me, because I felt as though I was in the dark.

     At Mass the next morning, I again asked God to help me to see. I remembered many years ago, feeling the same way about a different “word” I had been given. It took me five days before I was able to see that God had in fact, meant that “word” for me. I knew I was being asked to trust and believe once again, that He would make it clear.

     I began to pray the scripture: “Hail, full of grace!” Now, although I knew I wasn’t full of grace, I recognized that I tried my best to stay in God’s graces and strive to please Him. God knows my heart and the great love I have for Him. Maybe He was trying to encourage me with these words. As the thoughts went through my mind, I tried to believe and allow them to soak into my soul.

     I continued, “The Lord is with you.” As I prayed those words, I felt the love of God pour into my heart! He was speaking to me. He was trying to reassure me and take away my doubts and fears. He wanted me to allow this truth to penetrate deep within my soul. “The Lord IS with me. The Lord IS with ME!” He will never leave me or forsake me – even when I feel like His is not with me or that He is far away – He is not! These words were balm for my soul! I was able to receive them!

     I continued, “Blessed are you among women.” The uncomfortableness returned. I wasn’t sure how to receive this one. For Mary, it was so true, but how could I receive this word?

     As I continued to pray, it occurred to me that God had truly blessed me. I was not perfect nor sinless like Mary, but blessed with many gifts, talents and graces. I was blessed not above all women, like Our Lady, but along with many wonderful gracefilled women that inhabit God’s glorious earth. Seeing it from this perspective, I could accept this part as well.

    I then moved to the next phrase. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” I was so very blessed to have five wonderful children, but somehow, I did not feel as though it was my children to whom that this scripture was referring. I saw it instead as times I was “pregnant” with a specific task that God had placed on my heart to bring to life.

     Although I had been faithful in doing what I believed God had asked me to do, the results, to my eyes, were lacking. I had not brought forth new life. My efforts resulted in disappointment or heartbreak.

     I did not feel blessed in this area. This made me feel sad. I was not able to see this blessing or accept it. I’d let it go till later, realizing I would have to ponder this further and ask for God’s light.

     Later that day, I met a friend for prayer. She had been at our gathering the night before and could sense my disappointment with my “word.” I shared with her my thoughts and ponderings and how I was able to receive most of it. It was the part about “the fruits of my womb – my works – being blessed. That was the part I could not accept.

     She disagreed with my “assessment” of my works. She did not see them as a failure or not blessed by God. She affirmed me in my obedience and faithfulness to God in accomplishing what He asks me to do. She suggested that we offer up our holy hour that God would help me to see His truth in this situation. She encouraged me to trust that God was pleased with all that I had offered to Him and that He had taken it as a gift.

     As I sat there before Jesus, in the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed with all my heart! I did not want to reject this beautiful gift that He had shared with me through my friend the night before.

     I again began to pray the words: “Hail, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women” – I could feel grace fill my soul – but now, the part which I had really been struggling with was next. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” As I prayed those words, I asked to be receptive to what God wanted to give to me. I asked that He give me eyes to see and ears to hear. God touched my mind and heart. He assured me that my works had been blessed and I had given birth to new life. God had received my works as the gift of love for which I had meant them to be. Maybe they hadn’t met my expectations for “success,” as the world sees them, but in His eyes, they are.

     Tears streamed down my cheeks, as a smile came upon my face. This word was meant for me! God had whispered in my friend’s ear what He wanted me to know. It wasn’t random. She hadn’t misunderstood. I could now accept it as coming from God. God has made me fruitful.

     “Blessed IS the fruit of your womb” (Lk 1: 42b).

     “Blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled”          (Lk 1: 45).

     “Amen!”
    
    
    

His Victim of Love

     “In order to love Jesus, to be His victim of love, the more weak and miserable we are, the more fitting are we for the operations of this consuming and transforming Love”                                               St. Therese of Lisieux


     We often fail in our efforts to love God as He so deserves and lament in our poor attempts to do so. We want so very much to do all for love of God and feel frustrated when we fail.

Patient trust

“If we patiently accept through love all that God allows to happen, then we will begin to taste even here on earth something of the delights the saints experienced in heaven.”                                                                                                                                                                                                    St. Jane Frances De Chantal

     When I read quotes like this, I feel as though I still have much to do to advance in my walk with God. I feel challenged enough in trying to accept, through love, all that God allows to happen, but to do it with patience, is usually beyond me!