God's Will: A Treasure Unearthed

      “Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write. Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to ‘give away’ on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and gradually come in touch with our own riches.”                                                                                                                                                            Henri Nouwen

    For some time, I have avoided the urge to write. I did not feel as though I’d be “gradually coming in touch with my riches.” 

     It is true that in writing, we do discover what lives in us. There are times when admitting to “that life within,” is not something we want to reveal to ourselves, let alone to others.

     But the call to write and mine the findings became stronger than my reluctance. I had to be true to my calling from God and begin the journey.

Trust--We Know the One Who Knows

      “Trust in the Lord with all you heart, on your own understanding rely not.” Proverbs 3:5

     As I awoke on New Years Day, 2024, a spirit of fear was threatening to take away my peace and acceptance.

A Hellish Storm

      “He got into a boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but He was asleep.”   Matthew 8:23-24

     Although it had been hot, it was a beautiful day! The sky was a lovely color of blue: much like our Lady’s mantle.

     It was after dinner and my husband, and I began to pray our daily rosary. As we sat on our sectional, looking out at the beautiful evening sky, quite suddenly and unexpectedly, a huge dark black cloud began to appear from the west. It was moving very quickly, and the stunning blue sky was being devoured by the darkness that was overtaking it. The wind began to blow. In no time it became a violent wind, threatening everything that lay in its path. Torrents of rain fell from the heavens. Lightning lit up the darkness while thunder bellowed, making its presence known!

The Purifying Furnace of the Sacred Heart

     “One should not say that it is impossible to reach a virtuous life; but one should say it is not easy. Nor do those who have reached it find it easy to maintain." St. Anthony of the Desert

     I had been in such a good place: filled with peace, easily dying to self, accepting all that God set before me and truly living in the spirit!

     I am not there anymore, and I’m not quite sure when I reached “this state.” I could no longer find contentment or peace.

Awakened to Love

      “The Lord will give you the bread you need and the water for which you thirst. No longer will your Teacher hide Himself, but with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher, while from behind, a voice shall sound in your ears; ‘This is the way; walk in it,’ when you would turn to the right or to the left. And you shall consider unclean your silver-plated idols and your gold-covered images; you shall throw them away like filthy rags to which you say, ‘Begone!’”                  Isaiah 30: 20-22

     My heart and soul are still so full of gratitude for the great grace of “awakening” my dear Lord has granted to me. He has convicted me of the sheer madness to choose anything other than Him. 

Rejuvenating the Weary Soul

      My soul was lifted within me, and I felt buoyed with hope, as I read St. John of the Cross’ words. He was describing the effects on the soul that inordinate attachments inflict upon it and their consequences. 

Thorns Among the Roses--Part 5

      It was our last day at Lourdes, and we would begin our day with Mass. It was to be celebrated at the Grotto. My heart was singing: another opportunity to stand in the place where Our Lady and St. Bernadette stood. I had gathered all of my prayer intentions, as well as those of family and friends and would place them in the box at the grotto to be lifted up in prayer. 

Avoiding Storms

  “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in Thee my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Thy wings, I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.”                 Psalm 57:1

     For well over a month, I felt like I had one foot in heaven and the other on earth. I was still astonished   over the many blessings I had experienced, and my heart was full of gratitude to God. I was well aware that this would not last, but I never expected just how low I could be brought down.

FATHER KNOWS BEST

 

    “You are right where God wants you to be. God is not mistaken. You may not see it, but put your trust in Him, and be PATIENT. He will bring about His plan for you, in HIS time. HE is calling you to surrender. HE knows what HE is doing. HE doesn’t make mistakes. You are where God wants you to be.”

NOW is the Present Moment!

     “The present moment is like an ambassador who declares the will of God. The heart must ever answer, ‘Let it be so.’ Then the soul will go steadily on by all means towards its target and goal—never pausing in its course, spreading its sails to all winds. All routes and methods advance it equally in its journey toward the great sea, the infinite. Everything becomes an instrument of sanctification. The soul always finds the ‘one thing needful’ in the present moment.

     It is no longer a matter of prayer or silence, privacy or conversation with others, reading or writing, thinking or abandonment of thought, seeking spirituality or avoiding overconcern with it, abundance or want, illness or health, life or death; the one thing needful is simply what comes to the soul each moment by the will of God. This includes the stripping, the self-denial, the renunciation of earthly things, in order that the soul may be nothing in itself or live for itself, but may live wholly by God’s will, and at His good pleasure content itself with the duty of the present moment, as though that were the one thing in the whole world.”                                                                                                                                                                                            Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade


     I had prayed and asked God for guidance in choosing a book to read this Lent; One which would strengthen my walk with Him.

      To my surprise, The Joy of Full Surrender by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, an adaptation of Abandonment to Divine Providence, was the book that kept coming into my mind. I had read it many years ago and it had had a great impact on me. “It must be the time to re-read this again, due to certain situations in my life.”

The Agony of Defiance!

     Lent could not come fast enough for me this year! Life was not as I liked, therefore, an inner restlessness and lack of peace once again, invaded my being. Due to this restlessness, an inordinate attachment, with which I have struggled, on and off again for years, was rearing its ugly head and becoming my unwelcomed guest.

     I had the misguided idea, that with the arrival of Ash Wednesday, I would miraculously be able to overcome myself and “just say no!” I truly believed that Lent would be the vehicle God would use to help me regain my self-control.

     Boy was I wrong!

The Gift of Yourself

      My time of preparation during Advent, had been a wonderful journey, except for one day as Christmas drew near and I allowed my “to do” list to send me into a panic!

     Realizing this was an attack from the evil one to take away my peace, I took a deep breath, said a prayer and did the next task that needed to be done, and then the next, and the next and the next. Soon, God’s peace returned to me, and I was back on the road to Bethlehem with Mary and Joseph.

Just Surrender

     “Love will consume us only in the measure of our self-surrender.”
                                                                                   St. Therese of Lisieux


     As I read those words, they pierced my heart with a deep wound!

     Even though I yearn for God’s love to consume me, I am still so very filled with self-will! It is evident in the many areas of my life, where I wrestle with God’s plan because -- I want my own way!   

He IS Present -- Even in the Mess

     It was the first Sunday of Advent. I was ahead of schedule with Christmas preparations this year, so why was I feeling so burdened?

     I prayed for guidance.

Power, Wisdom and Love

    “By our belief in the Holy Trinity we acknowledge in one single God, Power, Wisdom and Love, and these three are one. Now surely, I do see what an immense effect such a doctrine must have upon life.  It is no mere question for theologians, but one that concerns every living soul. Whatever is allowed by God’s power must be guided by His wisdom and urged on by His love. All that happens to me in life, the little worries and the great anxieties, the crisis and the daily annoyances, the sorrow and the joys, the harms that reach me through the sins of others, the great cries of history, the huge and devastating wars, the partings and loves and the whole cycle of human experiences are permitted by Power which is itself wise and loving. These three Persons determine my life, and since I walk by faith, I must surely grow very patient in my attitude through life. For how can I complain or criticize God’s Providence, since it comes under the triple influence of Power, Wisdom and Love? Under the guidance, then, of this mystery, I can walk through the valley of death or the more perilous borders of sin without loss of courage or hopelessness. Nothing can make me afraid. How these are separate, but one, I do not know, nor can I reconcile in my concrete experience the claims of each. It is always a mystery, but a mystery in which I believe. Whatever Power allows on earth is designed in Wisdom and attuned by Love.”           
                                                                                Father Bede Jarrett



     As I read and pondered the words of Father Jarrett, I shook my head in awe, wonder and gratitude for the wisdom he has bequeathed to us!

Follow His Footprints

     How often in our lives we experience unjust treatment?

     We enter into dialogue with a friend, family member or stranger, and suddenly and quite unexpectedly, we are berated, criticized, and put down!

     We are taken aback, quite frankly, by their words and behavior, and want to lash out in retaliation. We want to unleash upon them the verbal whipping we have just received. It seems right. It seems just. It appears to be the appropriate thing to do. After all, who do they think they are?  We deserve better treatment than that. What were they thinking to have treated us in this way?

     This was the scenario that played within my mind recently during an event in my life. I did not snap back, but became quiet instead. Although I believed my treatment to be unjust, I was trying my best to get passed my feelings, because I wasn’t really sure what had precipitated the negative behavior. I asked God for insight, as I went about my day.

     As I prayed the scriptures that evening, a reading from the first letter of St. Peter, penetrated deeply within my mind and soul. “If you are patient when you suffer for doing what is good, this is a grace before God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His footsteps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth” (1Peter 2:20b-22).

    “Sweet Jesus, when situations like this happen, are You telling me to just accept it? Unlike You who are sinless, I am a sinner, and so I am not always blameless. What are You telling me to do?” Being uncertain, I continued to ask for guidance.

     “When He was insulted, He returned no insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten; instead, He handed Himself over to the one who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).

     “Wow! I thought. It’s becoming clearer to me. You don’t want me to return insult or injury. Don’t fight evil with evil, but hand myself and the situation over to God, the only One who judges justly. I don’t know what is going on with the other person. I don’t know where this is coming from, but You do.”

     “He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24).

    “Lord Jesus, are You asking me to bear this sin of ‘the other,’ to help free them from this sin? Are You asking me to offer it up to You so that both of us will be healed?”

     As these revelations sunk into my head and heart, I felt challenged! I had read these scriptures many time before and had never seen them in this light. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what exactly God was expecting of me. I realized that I would not only need time, to help me understand, but an abundance of God’s grace, wrapped in a huge container of humility.

     For the next several days, thoughts about God’s message to me, ruminated in my mind. I wanted to fully grasp the meaning so I could move toward making it a practice in my life.

     I knew that God did not want me to be a doormat, or allow any type of abuse in my life. This wasn’t what I had experienced. It appeared to be more of a reaction that had been directed toward me – like displaced anger. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I recalled times when I myself had been short or curt with people when I felt burdened, tired or weary. These were the instances that I believed God was talking about.

     “Okay. That makes sense,” I thought. I then recalled moments in the past when I had experienced this type of criticism or harsh words and played out instances when I “reacted” with words of retaliation, and times when I “responded” with either silence or compassion. The times when I reacted seemed to fuel the fire that was being thrust upon me. But when I responded instead, it seemed to either diffuse the situation or at least not make it any worse. Also, when I responded, if I happened to lose my peace, I regained it sooner. My thoughts stayed clearer, and I was able to see if I was at fault in this situation, or if someone else was just having a bad day. It allowed me to reframe from taking it personally, so it didn’t sting quite as much.

     As I pondered these situations, I remembered that there were also times, when a verbal response was necessary. Sometimes it was spoken as the situation was unfolding, while other times, after the fire had cooled. But the words were always prayed about, thought about and spoken with love and courage.

     “Lord, this is a hard lesson! When situations like this happen, it is fierce and quick! It is so easy just to react! But you are calling me to be like Your Son – to die to what I feel like doing and love as You do.” I felt burdened. I knew God would not ask me to do something without giving me the help I needed to accomplish it! I needed to have an easy plan to be able to change my behavior. “Spell it out clearly Lord,” I prayed.

     As I pondered the scripture, once again, three things stood out: “this is a grace before God,” “to this you have been called that you should follow in Christ’s footsteps,” and “He handed Himself over to the One who judges justly.” These passages were key. I needed to call upon God and depend upon His grace, imitate Christ’s example and then hand the situation over to God, expecting Him to lead me and guide me.

     God is such a good and patient teacher. He teaches us lessons and then allows lots of situations in our lives to occur to help us to practice. Sometimes we pass with flying colors, while other times we fail miserably. Either way, God will not give up on us. The challenge for us is not to give up on ourselves! We must trust in the Lord and His strength.

     We know that it is God and not us, when an awkward situation is resolved pleasantly and we can walk away with a smile on our face. This is a gift of God’s grace and what He can do through us when we cooperate and follow His lead.

     Look for the footprints of Christ. He will never lead you astray!
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
      
    
    
    
    

Victim No More

     It was the morning of the second day of my retreat. Upon waking, questions that I needed to pose to God became apparent.

     As a secular Carmelite, I will choose a name at the time of my profession. Although it is more than a year away, it is something about which I have already been thinking and praying. The name that God placed upon my heart is “Therese Joy of the Wounded Hearts.”

God's Gift of Peace

     While on retreat, after soaking in the realization of God’s love for me, I remembered the scripture my director had suggested I bring to prayer: “For I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call Me, when you go to pray to Me, I will listen to you. When you look for Me, you will find Me. Yes, when you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me with you, says the Lord and I will change your lot”
(Jer 29:11-13).

     I wanted so much to hold onto the truth of God’s constant, never changing love for me. I did not want to allow life’s disappointments or my unmet expectations, to be the measuring stick with which I determined God’s love.

The Fixer

     “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.”  
                                                                                                                Hebrews 11: 1


     I have been struggling lately with issues of control.

     From the time I was a little girl, because of situations which I could not control, I became “The Fixer.” Now, I’m not sure if anyone else saw me as such, but it was my way of coping or dealing with difficult situations. It was an identity that I saw as useful and helpful and clung to it tightly, believing it to be a “good thing.”

Look to Heaven and Smile

     “The soul that does not attach itself solely to the will of God will find neither satisfaction nor sanctification in any other means however excellent by which it may attempt to gain them. If that which God Himself chooses for you does not content you, from whom do you expect to obtain what you desire? . . . No soul can be really nourished, fortified, purified, enriched, and sanctified except in fulfilling the duties of the present moment.”                                                                                                                                                            Fr Jean-Pierre de Caussade


     Being purified of our own self-will is one of the most difficult aspects of growing in sanctity! Our wills are alive and well and do not like to be crossed! Our daily plans often get changed, much to our displeasure, and it is rare we accept them in peace.

      If we peered into a mirror to look upon our demeanor, it would become clear to us, as it is to all around us, that we are anything but peace filled. We mumble, grumble and may even growl at those who are near. We are not a picture of sanctity, but rather resemble a bratty child who has not gotten their way! 

     We are called to resemble our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whose food was to do the will of His Father. Jesus was clear in His call to His disciples: “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it” (Lk 9: 23-24).

     “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God” (Lk 9: 62). We need to let go of our will. We need to let go and not look back and to what we wanted. Trusting instead, that the situation that has presented itself, is God’s way for us to grow in holiness. It may not be to our choosing or to our liking, but it is for our best. Believing this will often take a heroic act of the will on our part. God will give us the grace to surrender our will. We need to accept the grace, believe that is present to us, and act as though it is . . . whether we feel it or not.

     Father de Caussaude is clear. It is in fulfilling the duties of the present moment—the situations right in front of us – those we have planned and those we have not -- which will nourish, fortify, purify, enrich and sanctify our soul. It is our path to holiness. It is the narrow path that our Lord speaks about that few choose.

     Each and every day, life presents to us many ways to put this into practice. If you’re like me, practice has still not made perfect – far from it. And it is sainthood that our good God is calling us to achieve; that does not come easily!


     So, when you have gone from plan A to plan G and it’s only 9 a.m., when your car breaks down or your pipes are leaking, when your children are sick or your loved one needs your help, when you’re once again called to do what you’d really rather not be doing, rejoice and be glad! God is giving you another opportunity to grow in holiness.

     Look up to heaven and smile. God is just doing His job trying to strengthen our spiritual muscles until we grow in likeness to His Son, Jesus.

     You know how the saying goes: If you want to make God smile, tell Him your plans for the day. If you want to hear Him belly laugh, tell Him your plans for your life.

     God’s plans for our lives are not always easy, but when we cooperate and operate in His grace, the results are always heavenly!

     Stop resisting. Give in. Father does know best!