Loved and Cherished

      “Sometimes we have to “step over” our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we can become the “offended one,” “the forgotten one,” or even “the discarded one.” Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they came from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.”                                                          Henri Nouwen

     

     It happened again! I was feeling “that way.” I knew that my reaction to the situation was disproportionate to what was happening. I had already discussed it several times with the person, but not much had changed, and if it had, it was fleeting. I felt hurt and forgotten and I didn’t know what to do.

Yielding to Freedom

      “Which of you constructing a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.’ Or what king marching into battle would not first sit down and decide whether with ten thousand troops he can successfully oppose another king advancing upon him with twenty thousand troops? But if not, while he is still far away, he will send a delegation to ask for peace terms. In the same way, everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple” ( Lk 14 vs 28-33).

    For a number of weeks, I found myself, once again, wrestling with God. I was tired of being the one called to change; tired of looking at my attitudes and actions. I wanted God to focus on someone other than me. This time I would not cry “uncle.” I just wanted to end this wrestling match, walk out of the ring, and call it quits! I was weary, tired and emotionally spent. Taking your relationship with God seriously, costs dearly and frankly, I felt bankrupt. 

He Has a Good Memory

     “Go and find Him when your patience and strength run out and you feel alone and helpless. Jesus is waiting for you in the chapel. Say to Him, ‘Jesus, You know exactly what is going on. You are all I have and you know all things. Come to my help.’ And then go, and don’t worry about how you are going to manage. That you have told God about it is enough. He has a good memory.”                     St. Jeanne Jugan


     We all have days when we feel alone and helpless, and find that our patience and strength is fleeting. We don’t see solutions to our problems, or are just too weary to even think about them. Life at those times seems burdensome and throwing in the towel is an attractive alternative.

Confessions of a 'Seasoned' Mother -- Part 2

     I felt perplexed, like knowing the answer to a crossword puzzle but not being able to spell the word correctly. Wasn't my goal in raising our children to help them become independent and responsible adults? It appeared as if I had succeeded, so why did I feel so badly?

     When my children were little, there were times I would have loved to have some quiet time and not be needed so much. Back then, I looked forward to ‘the time’ when my husband and I would have more time together and we wouldn't always be taking the back seat. What about my relationship with God? Getting up at dawn for some quiet prayer could now be moved to a later time, if I so chose. I needed to look at the positive side in this situation. Be grateful for the past; but move on to the present. When you’re talking about your feelings, it is easier said than done, so I continued to beseech God to give me an insight into my dilemma.