Rejuvenating the Weary Soul

      My soul was lifted within me, and I felt buoyed with hope, as I read St. John of the Cross’ words. He was describing the effects on the soul that inordinate attachments inflict upon it and their consequences. 

    It all made sense. This is exactly what I have been experiencing on and off for the last number of months…in fact, for probably much longer than that. It seemed like I dealt with one attachment, working to get it under control, and then a different one would manifest itself. 

     John’s teaching was bringing everything to light, and I was anxious to get to the conclusion, so I would do whatever I could, to rid myself of this awful torment. But more importantly, holding onto these imperfections were impeding my true goal: union with God.

     St.  John invites us to enter into the dark night of the soul. It is the heart of his doctrine. The nature of the dark night is privation and detachment from all that keeps us from God. 

     It is a call to die to yourself and your will; to say no to all that you clutch and hold tightly, not wanting to let it go; it is a disordered love; a possessive love of people, things or attitudes. It is not necessarily the things that do the soul harm, but our burning and unrelenting desire and taste for them.

     When we hold onto these attachments, we are unable to be at peace within ourselves and often act, at least interiorly, like a spoiled child who wants their way. 

     We often feel threatened when we don’t get our fill of them, yet they are not able to keep us satisfied for very long. The more we drink of them, the thirstier we get.

     We must begin to mortify our inordinate desires and say no to ourselves, realizing that only God can fill that deep hole within us. If we do not, we will pay for it dearly and our relationship with God will not progress much at all.

     The harm that these desires and affections cause the soul is frightening! Yet, we resist, unaware of the damage and pain we are afflicting upon our souls, and the way they impede our goal, union with God. He alone can slake our hunger and thirst. 

     We must begin to realize that two contraries cannot exist in one person: darkness, affection for things and creatures, and light, God. We must purge ourselves of these inordinate affections, because they are nothing compared to the infinite Being of God. If we do not, our souls become deformed and cannot be transformed in beauty, which is God. It is pure ignorance of the soul to think this can happen until it loses its desires. God is offended because we are not content with just Him. We are like the Israelites in the desert, grumbling with the heavenly food and wanting our fleshly food instead. Fleshly food gives us no pleasure.

     St. John goes on to tell us that if we do not mortify our inordinate desires, they weary the soul, torment, darken, stain and weaken it. 

     In our weariness, we act like little children who are restless and discontent. The desires torment and inflict us like bees, stinging and wounding us. Like Samson, we lose our strength and become blinded by them. They begin to live and rule us. We are held hostage by the bonds of our unmortified desires. Our soul is darkened, and it effects our intellect so we cannot see clearly the wisdom of God. In our blindness, we are like moths led to the beauty of the light which dazzles it and leads it into the flame, to its demise. The soul, having been created beautiful, is now full of evils and disordered. 

     The will is tainted by its desires and no longer has the strength to persevere in its walk of virtue. Unmortified “desire brings no good to the soul but rather takes from it what it has. If not mortified, they will not cease till they have wrought in it that which the children of the viper are said to work in its mother, who, as they are growing within her womb, consume and kill her. They themselves remain alive at her cost.”

     As I read all of this, I became convicted of the seriousness of my not mortifying my inordinate desires. I also began to understand the way I had been feeling at times: weary, tormented, weak in overcoming myself, self-absorbed, obsessive, possessive, demanding and restless. 

     Unbeknown to me at the time, I was giving in to the demands of the flesh, therefore increasing my unrest. 

     One example was when I began to check the blog for the number of “hits,” something that I hadn’t really struggled with in the past. It became a disordered desire and then an obsession which could not be satisfied. After limiting myself to three times a day, I have since stopped checking all together. If I’m truly doing it for the glory of God, what difference does it really make? It took a little bit of time, but now I am at peace with it and it does not torment me anymore.

     Another example was when things have not gone my way and although I’ve “accepted them,” there is obviously a part of me that really hasn’t. It becomes very evident to me when I begin to eat mindlessly in the evening when I’m not at all hungry. I’m trying to fill myself up with what I feel is lacking, instead of saying no to myself and running to Papa. St. John’s teachings have given me the strength I needed to overcome yet another inordinate attachment.

     Only voluntary desires are harmful…things we choose to continue to do, like “speaking too much, some slight attachment which we never quite wish to conquer…such as a person, a garment, a book, a particular kind of food, tittle tattle, fancies for tasting, knowing or hearing certain things” and such. We can be attached Ato our opinions, children, spouses, possessions, shopping, having our own way, exercise and how we look and anything that we are not willing to let go. Social media is a big one these days: checking emails too often, attachment to the cell phone, excessive texting, and more. These are just some of the things that we need to mortify to advance on our journey toward union with God.

      John tells us that whether a bird is held by a slender cord or by a stout one, the bird will be kept from flying, until the cord is broken. Our inordinate desires are the cords that must be broken. 

     St. John warns us that even when God has granted us the detachment from things, we must remain vigorous in our efforts. The attachments can return with a vengeance if we begin to give in to them. 

     We can also have spiritual attachments: spiritual pride, being pleased with “where” we are spiritually,  not willing to confess all our sins because of our embarrassment with our confessor, overwrought with our faults-- expecting to be a saint already; spiritual covertness, greed in wanting spiritual things, like an excess in books, statues, devotions, and never feeling satisfied; spiritual gluttony, wanting consolation in prayer and not accepting the hard road of the cross; envy, displeasure of spiritual gifts of others and not wanting to hear about them; spiritual sloth, fleeing from spiritual things that bring no pleasure. 

     All of these imperfections must be purified in the dark night. 

     There are two phases of the night: the purification of the senses, and the purification of the spirit. In the purification of the senses, “the soul is purged according to the sense, which is subdued to the spirit. In the purification of the spirit, the soul is purged and stripped according to the spirit and subdued, making it ready for union of love with God.”

     The night of the sense comes to many. The night of the spirit to very few. The purification of the senses or the spirit is a two-fold activity: God and the soul. 

     The purification of the senses is called an active night because “the soul can do, and does of itself, in order enter into therein.” The purification of the spirit is called passive because “the soul does nothing, and God works in it.” 

     St. John is adamant about the inability of human activity to destroy such faults. These imperfections cannot be perfectly purified until God brings it into the passive purgation of the dark night. It is most beneficial that the soul labors “to purge and perfect itself, so it may merit being taken by God into that Divine care wherein it becomes healed of all things that it was unable of itself to cure.”

     No matter how hard we try, until God works in us, we will not be rid of them. So, we must cooperate as never before, even though it is painful and takes much effort on our part. 

     The asceticism we practice by mortifying our senses, prepares the soul for contemplation: a prayer that cannot be acquired in which the Lord puts the soul in peace by His presence. Contemplation is perfect when all the faculties come to rest entirely in union with God.

     If we manage to persevere, through God’s good grace, we can become a “living flame of love,” as St. John so beautifully describes, and attain union with God.     

     I am far from attaining my goal, but with the assurance that it is possible, I will continue on my journey “with my face set like flint,” in the great hope of overcoming myself.

     “Oh, night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn, Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved.”

     St. John of the Cross, pray for us!

Ascent of Mount Carmel—describes the soul’s active role

Dark Night of the Soul—details God’s action with the soul