The Purifying Furnace of the Sacred Heart

     “One should not say that it is impossible to reach a virtuous life; but one should say it is not easy. Nor do those who have reached it find it easy to maintain." St. Anthony of the Desert

     I had been in such a good place: filled with peace, easily dying to self, accepting all that God set before me and truly living in the spirit!

     I am not there anymore, and I’m not quite sure when I reached “this state.” I could no longer find contentment or peace.

     When had it changed? I don’t know. I began to examine the last few weeks of my life to see if I could put a “finger” on the shift, moving from a place of peace to one of unrest. 

     It didn’t happen suddenly, but very gradually: annoyance with this one acting like this, and that one doing that, having unfulfilled expectations of people and events, a growing negativity and critical spirit slowing creeping in, changing my attitude into darkness and gloom! 

     Who am I? Who have I allowed myself to become?

     Well aware I needed spiritual help; I called my sister Rachel to throw me a lifeboat of prayer. 

     Praise be to God; she answered the call. She could tell by my voice that something was amiss. I shared with her my thoughts and feelings: I couldn’t even stand myself. Everything and everyone seemed to annoy me. I don’t know how I allowed myself to get this bad. I was a mess!

     Rachel reassured me that although I was a mess, I was God’s mess and still so precious and loved by Him. Earlier in the chapel, she had been meditating about learning to be content. Rachel had shared with me that it is through Christ, in His sufficiency and His graces, that we become content and self-sufficient. I did not need to do it on my own, nor was I capable of doing it. 

     She then prayed with me over the phone: peace returned, and with it a hope, placed in God and not in myself and my abilities. I thanked her and asked for her continued prayers that I could let go of my agenda and accept God’s will… however and whenever it comes. He was calling me to grow in virtue and rely on Him and all the ways He arranges to bring about His will. I was called to trust and cooperate, surrendering once again, to His love and grace.

     I knew I was still in an unstable place…not far from the precipice I had been heading towards. I did not want to engage in the flesh any longer. St. Paul tells us: “the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy and the like” Gal. 5: 19-20. 

     I did not want to be at the effect of the spirit of flesh any longer. Christ had set me free, and I was once again, “submitting to the yoke of slavery.” I did not want to be held captive any longer by the weaknesses of my unruly flesh but wanted to experience the fruits of living in the Spirit instead: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” Gal. 5: 22-23.

     These are the fruits I want to experience once more and I need to fight for them right now, because I have lost spiritual ground. I need to exercise those spiritual muscles once again and depend fully on God for the strength and perseverance to overcome myself. 

     I know I must be gentler with myself, and not be so surprised when I fall. Our good God knows all of my weaknesses, wounds and faults. And as Rachel reminded me, He loves me in spite of all of them. I need to remember also, that I will not become a saint overnight and never by my own power or strength. 

     Sainthood is something that God calls each of us to strive towards, but it will not be attained without His grace and help. He has assured us in Holy Scripture, that “nothing is impossible with Him,” so please God, let it be so!

     The words of Sister Mary David OSB, give me hope:

     “Our faith does not consist in conquering weakness but in clinging in the midst of suffering to the will of Him who suffers out of love for us. We must correct the habit of looking at our dark side instead of the transfiguring light of the Son who can change our dust into pure gold. We too often stop to examine ourselves instead of plunging ourselves into the purifying furnace of the Sacred Heart, which is open to us with a single act of confidence in His love.  We believe all too easily in our wretchedness, but not enough in His merciful love. We have to learn how to take advantage of our littleness and failures, our incapacities, even our sins, and to transform them into reasons for trusting. If we can learn how to transpose such things into bold self-abandonment, then for us—as for the good thief, Saint Peter, Saint Paul, all the poor, weak, and sinful—the impossible becomes possible.”

     “It is trust and confidence that make what seemed so far away suddenly come within reach. It is trust and confidence that liberate the mercy of God, while a lack of faith constrains it. Our weakness attracts God because it offers Him an emptiness that He can fill. Weakness brought in confidence before God becomes, in a sense, the promise of God’s intervention. We must have confidence, not in spite of our weakness but because of it—misery attracts mercy. No matter how deep the abyss of our misery, it cannot be an obstacle to God’s action. Sanctity, says Saint Therese, does not consist in this or that practice but in a disposition of the heart which makes us little and humble in God’s arms.”

     We must look to God and His great love and mercy towards us and place all of our hope in Him. Let us plunge ourselves into the purifying furnace of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and allow ourselves to be transfigured by His love.

     Sister Mary David and Saints Therese and Anthony of the Desert, please pray for us!