The Lord's Direction

     It’s been over 10 months since my last post on Avia Joy.

     At the time, I wondered if it would be my last. Papa had not revealed that to me. I only knew that out of obedience, I was to stop blogging, until inspired to do otherwise.

     In these 10 months, although a part of me missed it, a greater part of me was at peace without the responsibility of writing. Avia Joy was born out of obedience and like Abram, I journeyed to an unknown land, not knowing what lay ahead. At that time, God called me to place my trust in Him. I was to be obedient to His call…  His lead…  His will.  I wrote when inspired to do so, and waited till the inspiration returned. Avia’s life was in His hands, not mine. So, when told, I stopped blogging, not knowing if Avia Joy would ever return to life.

     During these 10 months, little did I realize, the challenges, which God allowed in my life, would bring me to my knees! At times, I felt alone, lost, abandoned, duped and torn apart. I was quite incapable of writing; I felt adrift, without a compass or a guiding star. I could not share God’s wisdom, because I felt confused and full of doubt.

     Praise be to God and His good graces, I never turned my back on God, the sacraments, prayer or spiritual reading. I knew that God was with me and supplying for me in my great need. I found comfort in the fact that I was not blogging. My darkness was too great to be able to shine a light upon others. I clung to whatever faint light I had for myself.

     During this difficult time, the communion of saints was never more vital to me. Although I felt alone, I knew all of heaven, along with the blessed souls in purgatory, as well as my many dear and cherished friends, were praying with and for me. God was with me, although things were not as I wanted.

     We all experience times in our lives, when we are challenged to our deepest core. The times when the devil would like us to believe that God has deserted us or is not working in our lives. We entertain the temptation, that we cannot trust in His Providence, but must trust ourselves to fix things; when God’s goodness cannot be counted on.

     Fr. Timothy O’Donnell wisely reminds us, during these dark times of our lives, that we are not alone. He aptly says, “It may be the feel of it… but it’s not the truth of it.”

     I had surrendered to God’s permissive will in my life, but I recently recognized that I had unknowingly surrendered conditionally.

     I had unconsciously set a time for God to accomplish what I thought He needed to do in my life, along with a way to do it. It was not until this realization became known to me, that I saw my very conditional surrender. God’s time was up and I was tired of waiting. I was not trusting in His plan, but in my own.

     As I realized my sin, tears filled my eyes and I asked Papa for His forgiveness. It was all so very clear   that I still had so far to grow in the area of trust, as well as in the virtue of humility.

     As Providence would have it, I had an appointment for confession later that day. Bringing my sins to God, in His great sacrament, was so very life-giving! I felt free and lighthearted! I thanked and praised Papa for His great patience with me and for His unconditional love.

     I left confession and ran to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, basking in His Presence and love. I again, asked for His forgiveness for my blindness and lack of trust and asked that He pour His graces upon me to become the woman He has called me to be from all eternity. I felt like a new woman! With God’s grace, I had weathered the storm that had battered me these last number of months.

     Sitting in prayer, the following day, a stirring in my heart began to make itself known.
“It is time to write again. Avia Joy is not dead. She is alive and well!”

      I’m not sure exactly what this means, but I will once again, be faithful to the call, and “do whatever He tells me.”

     “Abram went as the Lord directed him” (Gen. 12: 4a).