Be Not Afraid!

      “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5

     As I gazed upon that scripture verse, hanging on the wall of my bedroom, I longed for that to be true. I knew I was so very far away from finding my rest and hope in Him alone.

     I’ve been looking for rest.

     I’ve been looking for hope.

     I’ve been looking for peace.

     The trouble is, I’ve been looking in all the wrong places, therefore, I have NOT found it!

     Instead, I’ve been trying my best to figure everything out and get the answers to what troubles me…you know, thinking and believing if I have the answers and orchestrate it, everything will or work out. I will be able to avert the very thing that is scaring me. All will be well! 

     Although I have made it my mission to fix this, it hasn’t worked! My heart, at times, is filled with fear… gripped with fear. Fear of “what if?” A fear that is all consuming. You wake up with it. You go to sleep with it. You dream about it. You imagine all kinds of different scenarios and play them over in your mind till it becomes believable and feels very probable. 

     It is painful and will not allow joy to enter in. It takes your future of happiness away, as you believe with your whole being, that it lies in wait for you, to become a reality and not just a possibility.

     Hope is lost and you are desperate to make this go away…but you do not have that power. So, you begin again, looking for something, or someone to make it all go away and experience life as before.

     When I’m filled with fear, I do my best to keep myself busy. Maybe then, I can forget about it. There are times, here and there, when I can entertain a taste of joy and can almost think fear has left. But then, when the activity, usually time spent with my children or grandchildren is over, he’s back. 

     In all of this, I have not forgotten God. In my head, I know He is well aware of what I’m experiencing. I keep reassuring myself of this fact, but my feelings of fear demand me to believe differently. God doesn’t care. He isn’t listening. He can’t or won’t do anything about it anyway.

     I know that to be a lie from the pit of hell, so I plead and reach out to God, asking for His help. I’ve even given Him a few suggestions, as well as ideas to move things along. The truth is, I’m not sure if He’s going to do it, so I need a backup plan.

     “Maybe if I talk to this one about it…or that one. Maybe they’ll have an idea.” “If I do this or do that, maybe that could work.”

     I’ve prayed the surrender novena, the surrender rosary, the litany of trust, and reached out to my powerful pray-ers and yet, fear is still present and that awful feeling of dread!

     I’m beginning to believe that fear has taken up residence in my heart and mind and has brought his companions of control, anxiousness, dread, worry and the likes with him. I have not only let them in, but invertedly, by allowing them access to my mind, I’m welcoming them to make it their home.

     I know this is all ludicrous, but when I allow fear to get a grip on me, this is what can happen! And the worst part about it, I continue to allow it by entertaining all those negative, worrisome thoughts!

     I felt like I was out of control! I knew I needed to turn to God’s Word to change my thoughts with the power that comes from Him! It was clear that I was helpless on my own.

     “Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2

     “Whatever is true, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Then the God of peace will be with you.” Phil 4:8-9b

     Although the grip had lessened, fear was still very much present. I knew I had to go and once again, confess the sin of my lack of trust in God. I longed to be at peace!

     There are times when I could let my feelings of embarrassment, keep me from the great Sacrament of Penance, but I know how much I am in need of God’s grace and healing; therefore, I go to the Mercy Seat where God’s love and grace will be poured down upon me.

     With tears, I confessed my sins and shared with the priest how I felt captive by fear…imprisoned and felt helpless to be released. He spoke some encouraging words, gave me absolution and my penance. I prayed a heartfelt act of contrition and thanked Father.

     As I sat there praying my penance, a scripture came to mind: “They shall praise Me in the land of their captivity.” Oh my! I have tried everything but had not even thought to praise God for this situation. I too was in exile and had, in a way, turned to myself and others by doubting God’s help. I had forgotten to praise God and He was reminding me. 

     I got out my bible and looked up the entire verse: “In the land of their captivity they shall have a change of heart; they shall know that I, the Lord, am their God. I will give them hearts, and heedful ears; and they shall praise Me in the land of their captivity, and they shall invoke My name. I will establish for them and eternal covenant that I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Baruch 2:30-32, 35

     I knew this was a step in the right direction and began to give praise to God. I also realized I’d have to build up an arsenal because the Evil One would not want to let go of the grip he had on me. I needed to be equipped with both God’s powerful Word, as well as antidotes from saints and other holy people. The battle was far from over…in fact, it could possibly become more intense!

     These are some of the scriptures that buoyed me during my flailing in the ocean of fear and kept me from drowning.  

     “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 2 The 5:16-18

     “Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving make your requests know to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  Phil 4: 4-7

     “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom should I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war be waged upon me, even then I shall trust.” Psalm 27: 1,3

     “The human heart plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps.” Prov 16: 9

     “I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for the Lord. Psalm 3: 13-14

     “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Is 41: 10

     “Fear is useless; what is needed here is trust.” Mk 5: 36

     “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of Him, and He will make straight your paths.” Prov 3:5-6

     I remember hearing once in a homily, the most repeated phrase in the bible is: “Be not afraid.” It appears 365 times…once for every day of the year! Does God know His children or not?

     I then turned to the saints, as well as holy people and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

     “Jesus points to me the only way which leads to Love’s furnace – that way is self-surrender – it is the confidence of the little child who sleeps without fear in its father’s arms.” St. Therese 

     “God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we might be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.”  St. Ignatius Loyola

     “Courage is not the opposite of fear. We all live with fear, deal with it day in and day out in virtually every aspect of our lives. Courage is the ability to accept fear and turn fear into an asset; courage operates hand in hand with faith. God would not bring me this far in the journey to drop me into the abyss, to abandon me to my enemies (real and imagined).”  Greg Tobin

     “Let us remember these great truths: There is nothing, however small or apparently indifferent, which has not been ordained or permitted by God – even to the fall of a leaf. God is sufficiently wise, good, powerful and merciful to turn those events which are apparently the most calamitous to the good and the advantage of those who know how to adore and accept with humility all that His divine and adorable will permits.”  Jean-Pierre De Caussade

     “You will never be happy if your happiness depends on getting what you want. Change the focus, get a new center, will what God wills, and your joy no man shall take from you.”  Bl. Fulton Sheen

     “Faith is not knowing what the future holds, but Who holds the future.”  Corrie Ten Boom

     I’d like to say I have been totally able to let go of fear, but that would be untrue. I’m instead, trying to use it as a prayer…as an act of faith and trust in God. Although I often succeed, sometimes it is more difficult. 

     During those difficult times, instead of running to Papa as a little child, I’m running to my dear sweet Jesus, as an adult…saying over and over again, “My Jesus, I trust in You.” Asking Him to hold me, His Beloved, and give me His peace.   

     “Peace, I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid” Jn 14:27.

     “Come to Me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and humble of heart: and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden light” Mt 11:28-30.

     God is asking me to trust Him as never before. I believe He wants me to know that He is with me in this particular situation. He has not forgotten me. I need to believe that from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes! I must stay in the present moment where His grace is and not allow myself to go down the road of my very vivid imagination. I must continue to renew my mind with His Word and give glory and praise to Him at all times…no exclusions! If He wants me to act, He will let me know, but till then, I am to surrender it totally and completely into His most capable Hands.

     It is my hope and my prayer that one day I may truly pray: “Find rest, O my soul in God alone: my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5