A School Girl's Call

I Want To Be A Carmelite

There is something special
 I would like to do                  
To dedicate my life to God        
  To Jesus and His Mother too.

Prayers and sacrifices day by day
Bring souls to Christ to their glorious height
How wonderful I feel – so gay!            
 I want to be a Carmelite.

As I climb Mt. Carmel steep
Many times I fall      
Step by step I cannot leap        
To God for help I call.

Our Lady’s colors are tan and brown
And when I reach the mountain top    
From God I’ll receive my glorious crown      
My journey then will finally stop.
                                                                                     Written by Me at age 11

  
     Salvation history is full of examples of God planting a seed and it taking years and years before the “fruit” is seen: the Promised Land, a child to Abraham and Sarah, and the promise of a Savior.

     When I was a little girl – third grade to be exact – God planted the seed of a Carmelite vocation in my heart. I had been introduced to St. Therese, fell in love with her, and almost immediately heard the call. It was so real and strong that I believed it would happen. I wrote the above poem when I was in sixth grade and read it proudly to my co-ed classmates. It seemed like my destiny and like Therese, I could not wait until the time my dream could be fulfilled.

     Somewhere in high school, the call gradually disappeared, as I realized my true vocation was to marriage and motherhood. My thoughts were confirmed several years later when I married and began to raise a family. Being a wife and mother was something I loved and felt called to do.

     God was still a very important part of my life. Carmelite spirituality was something I was still drawn toward, so when time allowed, I read what I could on Carmelite saints. St. Therese’ Little Way was something I particularly loved. She made being holy attainable for everyone. Being a wife and mother, my life was full of little ways I could make sacrifices and save souls. This seemed to be working. I felt like I had the best of both worlds.

     In time, because of my deep spirituality, a friend invited me to visit her secular Carmelite community. She thought it would be something I would enjoy. Although I tried it for a number of months, with four young children and one on the way, it just didn’t work. I felt content with my primary vocation and saw the meetings as more of a burden. It was not for me. I was already practicing many of the requirements on my own, and did not feel the need to be part of a group to be motivated. My friend was mistaken. God was not calling me.

     As my life unfolded and my children grew, so did my relationship with God. It felt full and rich and right. At times I would think about “the call” long ago, and wondered what my life would have been like if I had answered that call. For the most part though, it did not enter my mind. I was serving God by trying my best to fulfill my vocation. God was front and center and I did what I could to bring others to Him as well. I was living my life in the way I believed God was leading, and then something unexpected happened – a question was voiced to me – not once, but twice – by two different people.

     “Have you ever thought about becoming a secular Carmelite?” The first time I just laughed and told my new friend that I had done that twenty five years ago and it wasn’t for me. She suggested that I pray and think about it. Maybe it was time.

     The second time was a month later and although I gave the same answer, I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Why would this happen again?

     Providentially, I was reading a book about a woman who was a secular Camelite. Jesus and Mary addressed her as “My little Carmelite.” Each time I would encounter those words, something in my heart seemed to bubble up. “What is going on?” I began to ask myself. “Is this You Lord, after all these years?”

     I began to bring my questions to prayer, asking God for direction. I emailed a friend who is a secular Carmelite and shared my story. She seemed to think that it sounded like it could be God who was trying to get my attention. I felt astounded! “This is crazy! It can’t be God!”

     I called another Carmelite friend and she invited me to visit her community. She explained everything to me and sent me information. I decided I would take it one meeting at a time and see where it would lead me.

     That was one and a half years ago. I’d like to say that when I walked into the Carmelite community I was struck by lightning certainty. It has not been the case. It has been a time of darkness, doubt and discernment.


     Because I was scheduled to receive my scapular in May, I was interviewed by members of the Council to discern if I had a vocation or not. I felt apprehensive, because I really wasn’t sure what to say. Did I have a vocation to Carmel? I still did not know.

     As the council members spoke with me and asked me questions, the doubt remained. As I shared my story, I began to cry. One of the members asked me how I would feel if I was told I did not have a vocation. “I would feel crushed,” I replied. I then asked them if it could be that God had really planted the seed of my secondary vocation so many years ago and now is the time for its fruition? Their smiles seem to confirm my thoughts. With their blessing, I then decided to take the next step and receive my scapular, surrendering it all into Our Lord’s and Our Lady’s hands.

    As the day approached, I felt very excited. While meditating on the Gospel the night before it was to happen, I was overjoyed to realize it was written just for me. “It was not you who chose Me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain” (Jn 15 vs 16).

     All the darkness and doubt disappeared. God was speaking directly to my heart, mind and soul, confirming His call to me so many years ago. I did have a Carmelite vocation, along with my vocation to marriage. It was not one or the other, but both.

     Now was the time for the seed that was planted long ago to peek its little head above ground and be cultivated. God was planting me in His Garden of Carmel to be formed and pruned as He sees fit. God had used my whole life to bring me to this point. The spirit of Carmel never left me from the time I was a little girl. God did allow me serve Him through my prayers and sacrifices and bring souls closer to Him.

     Being a member of Carmel will strengthen me in my desire, capabilities and capacity to serve God more diligently. I will be blessed with the graces from the Order of Discalced Carmelites to help me accomplish God’s will for my life.

     This totally unexpected gift with which I was blessed, is a perfect example of God’s timing, not mine.

    “Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains”
(Jm 5 vs 7).



   
   
     
   
   
   

   
   
   
   
   
     

Powerful Hurts

     We all have memories of painful incidents that have occurred in our lives: betrayal, feeling forgotten or left out, being criticized or put down, not being good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, and the list goes on.

     Associated with these difficult memories is usually a person or persons who inflicted our pain. At times, just thinking of them or hearing their name can cause us to suffer. After all, they are the ones who hurt us and inflicted the wound deep within our heart. They are not affected by it, yet we feel burdened and hurt.

Become a Saint

     “Although we have formed good resolutions in our mind, we always feel handicapped by the weakness of sustained effort, which rebels against the weariness of sustained effort, and seeks to free itself from it, or at least to reduce it to a minimum. Our bodies are subject to fatigue; our minds are disturbed by emotions which are always fluctuating. That which at one moment fills us with enthusiasm may, at the next, become distasteful and annoying to such a point that we think we can no longer endure it. This is our state while on earth and no one can escape it. However, God calls us all to sanctity, and since sanctity requires a continual practice of virtue, He, who never ask the impossible, has provided a remedy for the instability of our nature by giving us the virtue of perseverance, the special object of which is the sustaining of our efforts. Though fickle by nature, we can by the help of grace become steadfast.”                                                                             Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D.


     Holiness does not come easily. It is an impossible task to carry out on our own. We often forget our weaknesses and become discouraged when we fail. We think we should be able to accomplish the resolutions we’ve made, and when we don’t, we beat ourselves up. Our pride blinds us, making us believe we should be able to do it with our own strength. We had been doing so well. What happened? We really thought we had finally overcome our weakness, but then the fall!

     “Whoever thinks he is standing secure should take care not to fall” (1Cor 10 vs 12).

Master of the House

     “Commitment is doing what you said you would do after the feeling you said it in has passed.” St. Camillus



     For those wishing to grow in holiness, I would like to take this quote a little further. Commitment is doing what you know you should do even when, and especially when you don’t feel like it.

     There are times in our lives when doing what we’ve made a commitment to do or to do what we should be doing, is very, very difficult. Now I’m not talking about the times we are physically exhausted and we long for a break, but times of spiritual desolation.

Be the Face of Mercy

     “Let this be the pattern for all men when they practice mercy: show mercy to others in the same way, with the same generosity, with the same promptness, as you want others to show mercy to you.” St. Peter Chrysologus


     We desire and expect, when we offend someone, that they excuse and shrug off our offense,  if not immediately, at least within a reasonable time: maybe we were under stress, in a bad mood, distracted, tired, not feeling well, just not thinking, or many other excuses that we graciously permit   ourselves.

God Sees

     “In His hidden life, Jesus wished to descend to the most common things of human existence, to the daily life of a manual worker who supports a family. And so we see Him during almost the whole of His life working day after day, caring for His tools in the small workshop, dealing simply and in a friendly way with the neighbors who came to ask Him to make a table for them or a rafter for a new house, caring for His Mother with great affection. This is how He fulfilled the will of His Father God during those thirty years. When we look at His life, we learn to sanctify our own work, our family, our friendships. Everything that is truly human can be holy, can be a channel for our love of God, because our Lord on assuming our human nature, sanctified it.” Frances Fernandez



     In the day to day living out of our lives, being a Christian makes the way we live our lives radically different from unbelievers. It gives our lives and actions, purpose and value. By fulfilling the duties of our vocation, we grow in grace and holiness. When we offer our day to God, it becomes our gift to Him. It gives us Someone to keep our focus on, as we move throughout our day.

Live Radically

     While they were still speaking about this, He stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” But they were startled and terrified and thought they were seeing a ghost. Then He said to them, “Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts? Look at My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself. Touch Me and see, because a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you can see I have.” And as He said this, He showed them His hands and His feet. While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed, He asked them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave Him a piece of baked fish; He took it and ate it in front of them. He said to them, “These are My words that I spoke to you whole I was still with you, that everything written about Me in the law of Moses and in the prophets and psalms must be fulfilled.” Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. And He said to them, “Thus it is written that the Christ would suffer and rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins, would be preached in His name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are all witnesses of these things.” Luke 24 vs 34 – 48


     For those of us, who first learned about the resurrection of Christ at our mother’s knee, it is a very familiar story. It could therefore, be heard so often we do not experience the impact that this amazing and wonderful act of God should have upon us.