God's Will: A Treasure Unearthed

      “Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write. Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to ‘give away’ on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and gradually come in touch with our own riches.”                                                                                                                                                            Henri Nouwen

    For some time, I have avoided the urge to write. I did not feel as though I’d be “gradually coming in touch with my riches.” 

     It is true that in writing, we do discover what lives in us. There are times when admitting to “that life within,” is not something we want to reveal to ourselves, let alone to others.

     But the call to write and mine the findings became stronger than my reluctance. I had to be true to my calling from God and begin the journey.

Silence, Please!!!

     “It is so hard to be silent, silent with my mouth, but even with my heart. There is so much talking going on within me. It seems that I am always involved with inner debates with myself, my friends, my supporters, my opponents, my colleagues, and my rivals. But this inner debate reveals how far my heart is from You. If I were to simply rest at Your feet and realize that I belong to You and to You alone, I would stop arguing with all the real and imagined people around me. These arguments show my insecurity, my fear, my apprehensions. You, O Lord, will give me all the attention I need if I would simply stop talking and start listening to You. I know that in the silence of my heat You will speak to me and show me Your love. Give me, O Lord, that silence. Let me be patient and grow slowly into this silence in which I can be with You. Amen. Henri Nouwen

     As I read Henri Nowen’s words, I felt stunned! Stunned like finding a hidden chest, filled with pertinent, life-changing information: about myself, about what I was doing, about how I was robbing my soul of God’s peace and presence. Until those words penetrated my mind and heart, I was totally unaware of the damage I was inflicting upon myself and my relationship with God. But once I knew -- I could not know. From the depths of my heart and soul, I knew instinctively, that I needed desperately to change my behavior…. A practice I had engaged in, probably, for most of my life. Although this would be difficult, I saw it as a graced moment from God, sent to me by a dear Friend, via email.

A Babe in Mary's Womb

     I sat at my computer, one day in mid-April, scrolling through my emails. There were so many each day, that I did my best to go through them daily, reading those I judged valuable and deleting the others.  

      A women’s apostolate, whose blog I read on occasion, was inviting its followers to make a consecration to our Lady. 

     I quickly deleted the email because I had made several consecrations to Mary and did not feel called to do another one. Good, I thought, no need to put something else on my plate. Besides, I have a wonderful relationship with Mama Mary, and I do not see the need to even entertain the thought. 

     Delete. Done. Finished! 

Come Out from Behind the Chair

      “God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we may be molded by God’s grace, even as we cannot see where the path may lead us.”                                                                                                                      St. Ignatius of Loyola                            

      “During my quiet prayer time, an image began to play out in my mind’s eye. I came to full attention because it was rare for something like this to happen to me.

Protecting the Fortress of My Soul

      When a person moves toward God: Second rule—In persons who are going on intensely purifying their sins and rising from good to better in the service of God our Lord, the method is contrary to the first rule. For then it is proper to the evil spirit to bite, sadden, and place obstacles, disquieting with false reasons, so that the person may not go forward. And it is proper to the good spirit to give courage and strength, consolations, tears, inspirations, and quiet, easing a taking away all obstacles, so that the person may go forward in doing good.                                                         St. Ignatius of Loyola--Discernment of Spirits                                                                                            

 

     With a heart full of gratitude, sitting before the Lord, I wrote in my journal:

     Oh, My Dear Sweet God, 

     The revelation that You gave me about being a pilgrim on this pilgrimage back to You was a game changer!

Be A Pilgrim--Not A Tourist

       “The human heart plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps." Proverbs 16: 9

    It was almost 9 years ago, that I experienced my first group pilgrimage. Sometime before we left, we met as a group with the priest who would be leading us on our journey. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to hear all the details about our trip.

Shaken From My Sleep

      “O my God, You and You alone are all wise and knowing! You know, You have determined everything that will happen to us from first to last. You have ordered things in the wisest way, and You know what will be my lot year by year until I die. You know how long I have to live. You know how I shall die. You have precisely ordained everything, sin excepted. Every event of my life is the best for me that could be for it comes from You. You bring me on year by year, by your wonderful Providence, from youth to age, with the most perfect wisdom, and with the most perfect love.”       

                                                                               St. John Henry Cardinal Newman

     Holy Scripture confirms this truth: “You have seen my actions; in Your book they are all written; my days were limited before one of them existed” (Psalm 139: 16).