Mea Culpa!

     “God, give me the Lent I need, not necessarily the Lent I want,” was my prayer on Ash Wednesday. God IS faithful; He answered my prayer. He is using this time to show me how to conquer the flaws with which I struggle. Weeks before Lent God began to teach me lessons in faith and trust. As I entered the desert of Lent, He has allowed circumstances in my life to unfold to give me practice in these areas.

     “Oh, that today you would hear His voice, harden not your hearts” (Psalm 95:7b).

"AH HA"

    “God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we have patience.”                 
                                                                                               Oswald Chambers


    “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4:13).

     There have been many times in my life when God has given me the vision: the ability to see the solution to a struggle I could not overcome. Along with this revelation, comes a great confidence in God and His willingness to help me overcome myself and my struggle. It is what we call an “ah ha” moment, when life’s problems seem to be surmountable. “Nothing will be impossible with God”   (Lk 1:37).

The Lent I Need

     “Come Holy Spirit! Consume in me anything that keeps me from being consumed in You.”


     I thought I had begun Lent on the right foot. For several weeks prior to its start, I had prayed and asked God to direct my path and let me know just how He was calling me to change.

     The answer I received seemed somewhat vague, so I tried to contrive which areas within myself, needed work. Several ideas came to me. My plan was to work on my quiet prayer time. For some time now, I was giving in to distractions, instead of ignoring them. I wanted to nip that in the bud. The other thing I wanted to work on was not snacking after 8 o’clock. Most of the time when I snacked, I was not really hungry. I was trying to comfort a restlessness or disappointment in my life, instead of going to God with my feelings. That’s what I’ll do, I thought!

You Are Mine

     It was late in the afternoon, my last day of retreat, when I decided to continue the tradition my sister Rachel and I had begun years ago. Our routine included a change of clothing – dressing up in something special -- which was symbolic of the change that had occurred spiritually within.

     Our tradition was also, our way of making the last evening special; a way to thank God for all the graces and insights with which we had been showered; a time to breathe in God’s love and bask in the still and quiet of the retreat house, one last evening.

Victim No More

     It was the morning of the second day of my retreat. Upon waking, questions that I needed to pose to God became apparent.

     As a secular Carmelite, I will choose a name at the time of my profession. Although it is more than a year away, it is something about which I have already been thinking and praying. The name that God placed upon my heart is “Therese Joy of the Wounded Hearts.”

God's Gift of Peace

     While on retreat, after soaking in the realization of God’s love for me, I remembered the scripture my director had suggested I bring to prayer: “For I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call Me, when you go to pray to Me, I will listen to you. When you look for Me, you will find Me. Yes, when you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me with you, says the Lord and I will change your lot”
(Jer 29:11-13).

     I wanted so much to hold onto the truth of God’s constant, never changing love for me. I did not want to allow life’s disappointments or my unmet expectations, to be the measuring stick with which I determined God’s love.

Renewed in Love

     “Come away by yourself to a deserted place and rest a while.”
                                                                                                             Mark 6: 31


     It had been a couple of years since I’d been away on an extended retreat. Out of the blue, during my prayer time, I felt the call. It was a surprise, and not something about which I was thinking.

     After some discussion, my husband agreed to give it to me as an early birthday gift. I was delighted, to say the least!

     As the time for the retreat approached, I wondered how God would work in my heart. I pondered which area would be labeled “under construction.”