is all about relationship - my relationship with my God: the Father - He told me to call Him Papa. . .the Son - my dear sweet Jesus. . .the Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me. It's about my journey with Them, my Catholic faith, the Family of God, and the way it shapes my life.
My husband had been after me for some time to remove the crib from our office. After all, I was not watching any of our grandchildren in our home anymore, and the crib was just taking up space.
Although what he said was true, emotionally I wasn’t ready to pack it up and give it away. There was a part of me that wanted to keep it up, in the hopes that it would be needed for one of our sweet grandbabies.
“Sometimes we have to “step over” our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we can become the “offended one,” “the forgotten one,” or even “the discarded one.” Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they came from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.” Henri Nouwen
It happened again! I was feeling “that way.” I knew that my reaction to the situation was disproportionate to what was happening. I had already discussed it several times with the person, but not much had changed, and if it had, it was fleeting. I felt hurt and forgotten and I didn’t know what to do.
I felt so excited to be writing another blog post! It had been almost 11 months since my last one. So much had happened. I was compelled to tell the previous years’ story, giving glory and praise to God!
Although the fog that had surrounded me in my grief had lifted, the pain and loss was still present. The holidays are a difficult time to navigate, especially the first one when your loved one is not there.
I tried to focus on others, especially Sarah’s husband and children, offering my loss up for them in the hope of just maybe, easing their pain.
“We do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen asleep, so that you do not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose, so too will God, through Jesus, bring with Him those who have fallen asleep.” 1Thessalonias 4:13-14
I was struggling! I knew Sarah was experiencing eternal life, be it purgatory or heaven, yet I was grieving in a way I had never done before.