No Mistake Here

     “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”               
                                                                                                        Luke 1:28, 42


     As I read those words, I felt very uncomfortable. I could not accept them. I could not receive them. I did not believe this message was meant for me. It must have been a mistake.

     Those words had been spoken to Our Lady – by Gabriel and Elizabeth. Like John the Baptist, I was unworthy to untie the straps of Mary’s sandals, let alone accept words that were meant for her.

     My friend must have misunderstood what she was supposed to do. After all, she was new to our group. Maybe it was not explained to her clearly enough that each of us was to choose either something from our study, or a scripture that was dear to our hearts. These messages were to be exchanged with one another and received as God’s gift to them. The words were often a lifeline and something to cling to in times of trial. This exchange was often the highpoint and culmination of our time together as a group, and one we all cherished and looked forward to receiving. Because my heart was closed to the gift, I felted cheated!

     I was struggling with my feelings. We had prayed as usual, that each of us would receive the “word” that God wanted us to receive. I felt like I would be a hypocrite, by accepting the word that I had received. I was not “full” of grace, and much of my “fruit,” my good works, had not, in my eyes anyway, appeared to have been blessed. There were areas, in which, I felt as though I had failed, and could not see the blessing. I asked God to enlighten me, because I felt as though I was in the dark.

     At Mass the next morning, I again asked God to help me to see. I remembered many years ago, feeling the same way about a different “word” I had been given. It took me five days before I was able to see that God had in fact, meant that “word” for me. I knew I was being asked to trust and believe once again, that He would make it clear.

     I began to pray the scripture: “Hail, full of grace!” Now, although I knew I wasn’t full of grace, I recognized that I tried my best to stay in God’s graces and strive to please Him. God knows my heart and the great love I have for Him. Maybe He was trying to encourage me with these words. As the thoughts went through my mind, I tried to believe and allow them to soak into my soul.

     I continued, “The Lord is with you.” As I prayed those words, I felt the love of God pour into my heart! He was speaking to me. He was trying to reassure me and take away my doubts and fears. He wanted me to allow this truth to penetrate deep within my soul. “The Lord IS with me. The Lord IS with ME!” He will never leave me or forsake me – even when I feel like His is not with me or that He is far away – He is not! These words were balm for my soul! I was able to receive them!

     I continued, “Blessed are you among women.” The uncomfortableness returned. I wasn’t sure how to receive this one. For Mary, it was so true, but how could I receive this word?

     As I continued to pray, it occurred to me that God had truly blessed me. I was not perfect nor sinless like Mary, but blessed with many gifts, talents and graces. I was blessed not above all women, like Our Lady, but along with many wonderful gracefilled women that inhabit God’s glorious earth. Seeing it from this perspective, I could accept this part as well.

    I then moved to the next phrase. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” I was so very blessed to have five wonderful children, but somehow, I did not feel as though it was my children to whom that this scripture was referring. I saw it instead as times I was “pregnant” with a specific task that God had placed on my heart to bring to life.

     Although I had been faithful in doing what I believed God had asked me to do, the results, to my eyes, were lacking. I had not brought forth new life. My efforts resulted in disappointment or heartbreak.

     I did not feel blessed in this area. This made me feel sad. I was not able to see this blessing or accept it. I’d let it go till later, realizing I would have to ponder this further and ask for God’s light.

     Later that day, I met a friend for prayer. She had been at our gathering the night before and could sense my disappointment with my “word.” I shared with her my thoughts and ponderings and how I was able to receive most of it. It was the part about “the fruits of my womb – my works – being blessed. That was the part I could not accept.

     She disagreed with my “assessment” of my works. She did not see them as a failure or not blessed by God. She affirmed me in my obedience and faithfulness to God in accomplishing what He asks me to do. She suggested that we offer up our holy hour that God would help me to see His truth in this situation. She encouraged me to trust that God was pleased with all that I had offered to Him and that He had taken it as a gift.

     As I sat there before Jesus, in the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed with all my heart! I did not want to reject this beautiful gift that He had shared with me through my friend the night before.

     I again began to pray the words: “Hail, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women” – I could feel grace fill my soul – but now, the part which I had really been struggling with was next. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” As I prayed those words, I asked to be receptive to what God wanted to give to me. I asked that He give me eyes to see and ears to hear. God touched my mind and heart. He assured me that my works had been blessed and I had given birth to new life. God had received my works as the gift of love for which I had meant them to be. Maybe they hadn’t met my expectations for “success,” as the world sees them, but in His eyes, they are.

     Tears streamed down my cheeks, as a smile came upon my face. This word was meant for me! God had whispered in my friend’s ear what He wanted me to know. It wasn’t random. She hadn’t misunderstood. I could now accept it as coming from God. God has made me fruitful.

     “Blessed IS the fruit of your womb” (Lk 1: 42b).

     “Blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled”          (Lk 1: 45).

     “Amen!”