“Faith ought to
be the light which envelops not only our moments of prayer but our whole life
as well. In prayer we say, ‘I believe in God, the Father almighty’; but a few
minutes afterwards, in the face of some difficult task, a tiresome person, or something
which upsets our plans, we forget that these have all been willed and planned
by God for our good. We forget that God is our Father, and therefore is more
concerned about our welfare than we are ourselves. We forget that God is
all-powerful and can help us in every difficulty. In losing sight of the light
of faith, which makes us see everything as dependent upon God and ordered by
Him for our good, we lose ourselves in merely human considerations and
protests, as if God had nothing to do with our life or had very little place in
it. We give way to discouragement as though we had no faith. Yes, we believe in
God, the Father Almighty, but we do not believe to the point of seeing His
will, or at least His permission, in every circumstance. And yet, until faith
becomes such a factor in our life that it makes us see all in relation to God,
and as dependent upon Him, we will not be able to say that the light of faith
is the guide of our life. It is, of course, but only partially. How often this
true light, which participates in the very light of God, remains hidden under
the bushel of a mentality which is still too human, too earthly! Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary
Magdalen, OCD
As I sat in
Church that quiet summer afternoon, I felt weary! I had just experienced a very
busy week that had exhausted me both physically and emotionally – and it wasn’t
over yet – I still had many things to do and places to go. With my tank on
empty, I realized I needed to be in the Eucharistic Presence of God and allow
myself to be filled with Jesus and His love.
When I am in a
place of emptiness, I have found that writing a letter to God is helpful. I sat
there with my pen and paper in hand and poured out my heart to my dear sweet
Jesus. I wrote about everything and everyone that I was carrying. I was
burdened and needed to hand it all over to Him. I knew He wouldn’t mind. He Himself told us, “Come to Me, all you
who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up My yoke and learn
from Me, for I am meek and humble of heart: and you will find rest for
yourselves. For My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Mt 11: 28-30).
When I finished the
written part of my prayer, I began to verbalize, in my mind, what was troubling
my heart. “Lord, give me faith the size of a mustard seed. Mine must be smaller
than that because You tell us that if our faith was the size of a mustard seed,
we could move a mountain. Right now I can’t seem to be able to move anything. Strengthen
my faith. You know Jesus, I do believe. Help my unbelief!”
With that prayer
uttered, the flood gates opened. As my tears flowed, like a little child, I
wanted to be with my Papa. I imaged myself running to Him, climbing on His lap.
He opened His arms to me and held me close. Tears streamed down my face as some
disappointing memories of life paraded before my mind. As each memory presented
itself, I asked, “Why, Papa? Why?” The tears continued, as did the memories, as
I sat face to face with life’s difficult mysteries. I didn’t understand why all
of these hardships had occurred, or why my life was still “permeated” by some. I
knew in my head that I may never understand the “whys” while I live here on
earth, but that day, I had the courage to at least ask God the questions.
Although I did
not get an answer, a feeling of peace enveloped me. As I opened myself to God’s
peace, from the depths of my heart a plea arose, my God, what do You want me to
learn from all of this? What are You trying to teach me!
As I sat in His stillness,
I realized a truth I must never forget: God is my Papa! He cares about me like
no one else. He only wants what is good for me and when things get difficult,
He is there with me to guide me and fill me with His graces. Because of the
stain of original sin, I sometimes make wrong choices. At times, to my
detriment, my woundedness and my longing to be loved, blinds me to do far too
much for others. It is my unconscious belief that my actions will repair damage
that’s been inflicted. It hasn’t worked. I cannot “fix” what is broken. I must
leave that to God and be patient and cooperate with His grace. My faith must be
increased. Faith is KNOWNING that God KNOWS: believing that He really KNOWS
what is happening and can handle things. I need to trust and allow the light of
my faith to enable me to see things from this vantage point. God IS ALMIGHTY
and brings about good from evil. Look at the crucifixion! It was followed by
the resurrection. I need to be humble and trust God, embracing my place as the
child of His heart.
It so easy at
times to forget that I am a sojourner and a wayfarer on this journey of life:
heaven is my destination. I must grow in grace and virtue, as I navigate
towards sanctification. At times, I must learn to walk in darkness, trusting
the One who is mapping out my route. I must learn to listen to His promptings
on the way and respond fully to them. He will not leave me to travel alone, but
will accompany me every step of the way – whether I’m aware of Him or not.
I pray one day that
like Elizabeth of the Trinity, I may be able to proclaim: “Everthing that
happens is a message to me of God’s great love for my soul.”
Till then I pray:
O my dear sweet God! I don’t want to hide the light of my faith under a bushel
basket. I want it to shine and guide my whole life. I want to KNOW that You
KNOW what is happening each moment and that I am totally dependent upon You for everything.
Send me the Comforter – Your Holy Spirit – to reassure me on my journey and
guide me. May He fill me with Your gifts, fruits and virtues, so I may not give
in to discouragement. Help me to accept that all that happens is for my
sanctity. Increase my faith.
I believe Lord.
Help my unbelief.