God's Will: A Treasure Unearthed

      “Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals to us what is alive in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know. Thus, writing requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves: I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write. Writing is like giving away the few loaves and fishes one has, trusting that they will multiply in the giving. Once we dare to ‘give away’ on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath these thoughts and gradually come in touch with our own riches.”                                                                                                                                                            Henri Nouwen

    For some time, I have avoided the urge to write. I did not feel as though I’d be “gradually coming in touch with my riches.” 

     It is true that in writing, we do discover what lives in us. There are times when admitting to “that life within,” is not something we want to reveal to ourselves, let alone to others.

     But the call to write and mine the findings became stronger than my reluctance. I had to be true to my calling from God and begin the journey.

Silence, Please!!!

     “It is so hard to be silent, silent with my mouth, but even with my heart. There is so much talking going on within me. It seems that I am always involved with inner debates with myself, my friends, my supporters, my opponents, my colleagues, and my rivals. But this inner debate reveals how far my heart is from You. If I were to simply rest at Your feet and realize that I belong to You and to You alone, I would stop arguing with all the real and imagined people around me. These arguments show my insecurity, my fear, my apprehensions. You, O Lord, will give me all the attention I need if I would simply stop talking and start listening to You. I know that in the silence of my heat You will speak to me and show me Your love. Give me, O Lord, that silence. Let me be patient and grow slowly into this silence in which I can be with You. Amen. Henri Nouwen

     As I read Henri Nowen’s words, I felt stunned! Stunned like finding a hidden chest, filled with pertinent, life-changing information: about myself, about what I was doing, about how I was robbing my soul of God’s peace and presence. Until those words penetrated my mind and heart, I was totally unaware of the damage I was inflicting upon myself and my relationship with God. But once I knew -- I could not know. From the depths of my heart and soul, I knew instinctively, that I needed desperately to change my behavior…. A practice I had engaged in, probably, for most of my life. Although this would be difficult, I saw it as a graced moment from God, sent to me by a dear Friend, via email.