FATHER KNOWS BEST

 

    “You are right where God wants you to be. God is not mistaken. You may not see it, but put your trust in Him, and be PATIENT. He will bring about His plan for you, in HIS time. HE is calling you to surrender. HE knows what HE is doing. HE doesn’t make mistakes. You are where God wants you to be.”

      As I listened to Father’s homily, a rebellion was bursting forth within me!

    “Sorry Father, but you’re mistaken. You are wrong in my case. I am not where I should be right now in my life. Maybe God orchestrates people’s lives in holy scripture, but I feel like He’s taken His eyes away from me! I don’t like where I am. I don’t want to be where I am. You are wrong Father!”

     I left Mass feeling conflicted. I knew in my head that Father was right, but I could not accept it in my heart. I was at a new stage in my life and did not know how to navigate this unknown territory. This was not the first time I experienced this feeling. Major changes had thrown me into confusion before. I was aware that things would be made clear to me, but at present, I did not want to go through the pain and effort it would take for that to happen.

    I felt lost, disoriented and purposeless.

    I began to dialogue with God.

      “Am I making a difference? Am I using my gifts and talents? Am I doing what I’d like to do? Am I doing what You’re calling me to do? Do I wish it was something else? Am I fighting You with my rebellious spirit? Am I ruining what You are trying to teach me, by my lack of faith in Your plan for me? Has my impatience only grown greater and my lack of trust in You increased? Am I acting like a spoiled brat who just wants her way?”

     “Oh God! Come to my assistance. Lord, make haste to help me. Please lift the veil so I may see, so I may receive and do what it is that You want me to do. I want to trust You. Help me, Papa!”

     I went to confession later that day and brought my sins, doubts and failings to the Lord. The priest told me to pray for patience and trust, and to wait till the darkness was lifted. I left the confessional aware that God would pour His graces upon me to endure this trial and be able to cling to Him in hope.

     Weeks passed, and I stayed close to God, begging Him to enlighten me, to see what it is that He is calling me to do. I listened. We wrestled. Finally, I came to accept this new season of my life, as God’s will for me. Although it is different, it is HIS will which makes it the best, in helping me to become the woman He has called me to be from all eternity.

     God has been hitting me over the head, the last number of years, to receive and accept His ordaining and permissive will in my life. I am a slow learner at times, so often He has to teach me the hard way.

     God opened my eyes to realize, I had been so busy looking at the changes in my life, my losses, and my preferences, that I got stuck. I did not see what God had given me, nor what I was able do. Instead, I allowed fear and disappointment to rule my mind, will, heart and emotions and lived with a self-centered, self-focused vision.

     When change is called for, we need to recognize our plight; remember God is with us, and through His grace and our cooperation, we will get me through it. We have to begin to move forward and discover His plan for us now, and with open arms and heart, recognize it, accept it, and do our best to live it fully. Never forget that God always has a plan for us and be content with whatever it is. We have to come to Papa, taking the parts of our hearts that are wounded, placing them on the altar, surrendering them in peace and trust. We have to open our hearts to receive the love God is giving to heal our wounds, and make up for what we see, as lacking in our lives. We must stop putting barriers in His way, to what is truly best for us and trust in God’s Providence.                                                                                                                                                               

     When the dark place returns, recognizing and accepting God’s will is difficult. Regain your peace and be on watch, looking for the next task He places in your life. It usually involves something simple in your primary vocation or taking a look outward to a family member or friend who could use some help, a call, a prayer, or even a smile. Turning the gaze away from yourself and looking toward others is always lifegiving.

     I have grown and learned so much, from accepting this new season of my life. It was not easy at first, but I am navigating with curiosity, trust and openness. It has certainly had some challenges, as well as surprises. But I am at peace now, realizing that Father was right. God has me right where He wants to be, to carry out the mission He has planned for me right now. I must acquiesce and say “yes” so I can fulfill His plan and become a saint. That is His hope for all of us. We must do our part!

     But take heart: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!