The New and the Old

     The holidays were behind us and I was once again, feeling somewhat disappointed. Things were different then they used to be, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle the changes.

     My husband and I had done our best over the years, to make birthdays and holidays special for our children. We wanted to give them memories to cherish and traditions to hold dear. Our celebrations and traditions grew and changed as our family grew and our children got older. We learned to adapt, holding on to what still worked, letting go of what we’d outgrown. We added some new traditions for our now adult children.


     Our holidays had been wonderful and very full, yet it was obvious from the way I was feeling, that all of my expectations had not been met. What were they? Were they realistic? Were they reasonable? Was I being oversensitive? Was I setting myself up for disappointment? As it is my custom, I brought these questions to God. I begged Him to help me see clearly and without bias. I wanted to move from this uneasy place and into a place of truth and peace.

     Our God is so good and gentle in the way He reveals truths to us – not all at once, but in small portions. He allows us time to chew each section and digest it fully. He knows us through and through, with all the hurts and disappointments we've experienced in life. He’s aware of our woundedness and how it can play on our expectations – making them, at times, unreasonable.

     God showed me that because of my own childhood disappointments, I had very unrealistic expectations of how holidays and special events should unfold. I expected that as our children grew and were married, our traditions would just expand and grow – welcoming new members to our celebrations. I was not taking into consideration that others would have family traditions that they cherished, and would want to share with their “new someone.”

     Oh my! I felt stuck! I could see the truth that God was revealing to me, but I wanted to hold on to my dream. I wanted it to be the way I had expected it, and did not want the reality that I was living. I felt like a little child who was not getting her way and pleaded to God for help.

     Feeling burdened, I continued to bring this situation to prayer. I knew that God was trying to teach me something but I could not yet accept it. I begged and pleaded with Him for an insight or inspiration that would free me from my self-imposed prison. I was at the mercy of God and was not able to move on my own. I had to be patient and trust that God would give me the grace to see the truth and find peace.

     One day, soon thereafter, I was at weekday Mass and God’s Word was proclaimed. As the Gospel was spoken, I felt like I had been hit with a bolt of lightning. “People do not put new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the skins burst, the wine spills out, and the skins are ruined. Rather, they pour new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved” (Mt. 9 vs. 17).

     At that moment, God had showed me that as a family, we were a “new wine.” By my wanting so desperately to hold on to our old traditions, I had been trying to put this “new wine” into the old wineskins. God was showing me that I needed to adapt. In order to preserve it, I needed to put the new wine into new wineskins. I needed to let go of my unrealistic expectations and accept our new reality.  I had to hold on to what would work, and let go of what would not. I was to savor our new wine and enjoy it as a gift from God. If I did not and insisted on having things my way, the skins would burst with the wine spilled and the skins ruined.

     “Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart” (Heb. 4 vs. 12).

     God’s Word that day worked a miracle in my mind and heart. It allowed me to be open to the truth that He had already revealed to me. A truth I wanted to accept, but prior to this time, was unable. It was a very special grace bestowed upon me in the blink of an eye. I was filled with peace and gratitude and knew that I had been changed deep within my being.

     That incident happened many years ago, and has had a lasting effect upon me. For the most part, I have learned to adapt, and enjoy the taste of our new wine in their new skins. I have come to accept the changes and the new traditions that our family is experiencing, as we continue to grow in number. I have learned to cherish our visits and let go of unrealistic expectations. I have also learned that when “those disappointing feelings arise,” I need to bring them to Papa and ask for His enlightenment to examine them in truth. The devil often plays on our past woundedness to distort reality in a way that seems like truth to us.

    Holding on to traditions is important, but knowing when to adapt is vital. We need to become wise, like the scribe in Matthew’s Gospel. “Then every scribe that has been instructed in the kingdom of heaven is like the head of the household who brings from his storeroom both the new and the old” (Mt. 13 vs. 52).

     Go to Papa and give Him the concerns of your heart, and He will guide you as He did me!