PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!!!!

      “Mary’s childlike trust consists in giving a full yes to God – without knowing everything this yes implies. This complete yes is full of trust, not of detailed knowledge of what is to come. In his encyclical on Mary, Pope St. John Paul II captured this dimension of her faith: ‘To believe means ‘to abandon oneself’ to the truth of the word of the living God, knowing and humbly recognizing ‘how unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways’ (Rom. 11:33)’ (Redemptoris Mater, no. 14). Mary teaches us how to say yes, too, with her childlike simplicity and trust, even when the full truth often lies in darkness.”                                                                                                                                                                                                 Icon of Trust – Fr Slawomir Szkredka

     Unlike our Mother Mary, I have been struggling with giving my full yes to God.    

     I feel like I have been living under “the cloud of unknowing” for the last year and a half. I wrestle with God Who asks for my full and complete trust.

Embracing Mary, Christ's Gift from the Cross

      “Let us ask the Lord to grant us one very special grace: To love Our Lady, especially through all the work we do for Jesus, with Jesus, and to Jesus. We must ask Him to deepen our love for Mary, making it more personal and intimate. We want to: Love her as He loved her. Be a cause of joy to her as He was. Keep close to her as He did. Share everything with her, even the cross, as He did when she stood near the cross on Calvary. We must love her unconditionally, trust her fully, abandon ourselves to her totally and without reserve. Nothing is impossible to those who call Mary their mother. During the day, let us often raise our hearts to her to ask her how we can love God as she loved Him, that we, too, can love Him with her heart."                                                                                                                           Saint Teresa of Calcutta

     As I read this request of Mother Teresa’s, a smile came to my face. 

Precious Souls

     When we think about Christmas, often certain Christmas carols come to mind.

     When I was a little girl, I had two favorite songs. The first was “Away in the Manger.”

     I so loved that song! The fact that little Jesus had no crib on which to lay, made me feel so sad for Him, and for Our Lady and St. Joseph, who surely wanted somewhere special to lay Him.

The Gift of Yourself

      My time of preparation during Advent, had been a wonderful journey, except for one day as Christmas drew near and I allowed my “to do” list to send me into a panic!

     Realizing this was an attack from the evil one to take away my peace, I took a deep breath, said a prayer and did the next task that needed to be done, and then the next, and the next and the next. Soon, God’s peace returned to me, and I was back on the road to Bethlehem with Mary and Joseph.

The Rocky, Bumpy Road to Bethlehem

     “Be on guard so that your hearts are not weighed down with the worries of this life.”   
                                                                                                          Luke 21:34


     Thanksgiving was behind me.

     Advent was quickly approaching.

     My prayer: My God, on what do You want me to focus in order for my heart and mind to be ready for Jesus on Christmas morning?

     You may not realize it, but I like to have a plan and not waste any time, whipping myself into spiritual shape. God knew what He was doing in not having me born during the times of hair shirts and self-flagellation!

     Each time I brought this thought to prayer, I got the sense that God wanted me to work on becoming gentler and more patient ABOUT myself. “That’s a novel thought. Doesn’t sound too difficult! Maybe it’s not from God… I’ll keep asking.”

     But the answer did not change. It remained the same: be gentler with yourself and more patient. “Hmm. I guess this IS what He wants.”

     As I thought and prayed about God’s answer, it became clear that the past twenty-two months have been pretty intense. Truth be told, as I pondered more fully, it became evident that I have not given myself a break! When my different faults and foibles were revealed to me in either prayer, or in life situations, I was sent into a panic! It was all up to me to change, and to do it quickly! I went to work, doing I what I could to remedy my behavior. I expected far too much from myself and wanted to eradicate the imperfections that I saw right then and there. I searched for books to help, spent time in prayer and talked to family members and friends. I also spent time before Our Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, hoping He would heal me of all my brokenness. I wanted to fix it, take control of the situation and become that woman God has called me to be from all eternity, without any more delay!

     To my surprise, this is not the route God is purposing. God is calling me to slow down. Take a deep breath and accept both His help, as well as His timing. He is calling me to stop the frantic pace of having to be perfect. Perfection was not His idea, but mine. Ugh!

     Why was I trying so hard? After all, intellectually, I knew I was far from perfect, but when all of my imperfections were revealed to me, my reaction said otherwise. I didn’t want to take the slow, sometimes painful, long road and journey to change. I wanted to be on the fast track and just arrive. Well, maybe not just arrive. I was willing to do the hard work that was involved, but I wanted it to be over in a timely fashion.

     Unbeknown to me, I had let my heart get weighed down with the worries of my life, trying to fix myself. I am not the Potter, He is!

     God has impressed on my heart that becoming THAT woman, will take a lifetime and possibly, some time in purgatory as well! It will take my cooperation, but is His work and timeline. I still need to be alert to His promptings and grace, and open myself to His design.

     This will still involve prayer, receiving the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Penance, time before the Blessed Sacrament, asking for His healing for my own woundedness, spiritual reading, as well as speaking with family and friends about cares and concerns, as they present themselves. I will still try to practice all the lessons He has taught me these past number of months and stay His course. But my attitude with my effort will be quite different. I will stop trying so hard, believing it is ALL UP TO ME! I will also have to remind myself that I do not have the timeline by which it HAS to happen! Only the good Lord knows when He will be calling me home.

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    As Advent begins, please join me on a journey. I am traveling with Mary and Joseph. Mary is very pregnant with my sweet Jesus, so I cannot be in a hurry. I must go at their pace and not my own.

     I will spend time speaking with St. Joseph, seeking the wisdom of his good counsel and direction. I will turn to him when I’m unsure of which direction to take. With his gifts, wisdom and manly care, the Holy Family arrived at their destination. He will help me to do the same.

     When I’m feeling weary of the journey, I will climb up on the donkey with Mary, and wrap my arms around Her. I’ll allow myself to be comforted by Her words, as well as The Word, safe within Her womb. I’ll speak to Her, heart to Heart, as one does to such a precious Mother. I’ll let Her nurture me with Her presence, as well as the presence of Her Son.

     This Advent, and hopefully beyond, I will allow myself the luxury, of slowing down and being gentler and patient with myself. I will breath in God’s love and acceptance of Whose I am, receiving it, so I can become who He sees when He looks so lovingly at me.

     I will try my best not to allow my heart to be weighed down by the worries and burdens of life, and instead, make room for Jesus to reside there.

     “May the God of peace Himself make you perfectly holy and my you entirely, spirit, soul, and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and He will also accomplish it” (2 Thes:23-24).
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

He IS Present -- Even in the Mess

     It was the first Sunday of Advent. I was ahead of schedule with Christmas preparations this year, so why was I feeling so burdened?

     I prayed for guidance.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

     I don’t often pray for fair weather, but in this situation, I felt as though I should.

     We had planned an “end of summer BBQ” and had chosen the day which would work best for us to host.

     Several days before the event, while heading into the chapel, I received a text from one of the guests: Would you consider changing the date because the weather was not going to be nice on Sunday? Monday was going to be sunny and hot. The children would enjoy themselves much more if they could go swimming in the nicer weather.

Total Abandonment

     “To us, weak creatures, the idea of a complete, final surrender often is frightening, but that is because we do not know God well enough. The fact is that God’s will for us is always for our happiness and when we do surrender to it, it is to our own happiness that we are abandoning ourselves.”       
                                                                                  Caryll Houselander


     Complete and final surrender: we run from it! Since our fall from grace in the Garden of Eden, humanity has always wanted to pick and choose for themselves: Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Abraham and Sarah, and on and on and on. We think we know what is best for us, and at times, become our own little god, by manipulating events in the direction we see fit. We refuse to accept the reality of our lives and instead, sabotage the outcome. 

Mounted on Hope

  “No one had a more concrete, practical knowledge of her nothingness than Mary; she understood well that her whole being, natural as well as supernatural, would be annihilated if God did not sustain her every moment. She knew that whatever she had, in no way belonged to her, but came from God, and was the pure gift of His liberality. Her great mission and the marvelous privileges which she had received from the Most High did not prevent her from seeing and feeling her ‘lowliness.’ But far from disconcerting or discouraging her in any way – as the realization of our nothingness and weakness often does to us – her humility served as a starting point from which she darted to God with stronger hope. The greater the higher her soul became, the higher her soul mounted in hope. That is why, being really poor in spirit, she did not trust her own resources, ability, or merits, but put all her confidence in God alone.”                                                                                                                             Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen


     As I read this passage from Fr. Gabriel, it became apparent to me that I am not poor in spirit. I felt a deep sting as this realization struck my heart!

      On some level, I believe that I was growing toward this virtue. I have been making a conscious effort to depend upon God – on His help and assistance. But as I looked at my life, my hopes and desires, it was clear that I do not put my hope and trust in God, but in myself and my abilities.

No Mistake Here

     “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”               
                                                                                                        Luke 1:28, 42


     As I read those words, I felt very uncomfortable. I could not accept them. I could not receive them. I did not believe this message was meant for me. It must have been a mistake.

     Those words had been spoken to Our Lady – by Gabriel and Elizabeth. Like John the Baptist, I was unworthy to untie the straps of Mary’s sandals, let alone accept words that were meant for her.

     My friend must have misunderstood what she was supposed to do. After all, she was new to our group. Maybe it was not explained to her clearly enough that each of us was to choose either something from our study, or a scripture that was dear to our hearts. These messages were to be exchanged with one another and received as God’s gift to them. The words were often a lifeline and something to cling to in times of trial. This exchange was often the highpoint and culmination of our time together as a group, and one we all cherished and looked forward to receiving. Because my heart was closed to the gift, I felted cheated!

     I was struggling with my feelings. We had prayed as usual, that each of us would receive the “word” that God wanted us to receive. I felt like I would be a hypocrite, by accepting the word that I had received. I was not “full” of grace, and much of my “fruit,” my good works, had not, in my eyes anyway, appeared to have been blessed. There were areas, in which, I felt as though I had failed, and could not see the blessing. I asked God to enlighten me, because I felt as though I was in the dark.

     At Mass the next morning, I again asked God to help me to see. I remembered many years ago, feeling the same way about a different “word” I had been given. It took me five days before I was able to see that God had in fact, meant that “word” for me. I knew I was being asked to trust and believe once again, that He would make it clear.

     I began to pray the scripture: “Hail, full of grace!” Now, although I knew I wasn’t full of grace, I recognized that I tried my best to stay in God’s graces and strive to please Him. God knows my heart and the great love I have for Him. Maybe He was trying to encourage me with these words. As the thoughts went through my mind, I tried to believe and allow them to soak into my soul.

     I continued, “The Lord is with you.” As I prayed those words, I felt the love of God pour into my heart! He was speaking to me. He was trying to reassure me and take away my doubts and fears. He wanted me to allow this truth to penetrate deep within my soul. “The Lord IS with me. The Lord IS with ME!” He will never leave me or forsake me – even when I feel like His is not with me or that He is far away – He is not! These words were balm for my soul! I was able to receive them!

     I continued, “Blessed are you among women.” The uncomfortableness returned. I wasn’t sure how to receive this one. For Mary, it was so true, but how could I receive this word?

     As I continued to pray, it occurred to me that God had truly blessed me. I was not perfect nor sinless like Mary, but blessed with many gifts, talents and graces. I was blessed not above all women, like Our Lady, but along with many wonderful gracefilled women that inhabit God’s glorious earth. Seeing it from this perspective, I could accept this part as well.

    I then moved to the next phrase. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” I was so very blessed to have five wonderful children, but somehow, I did not feel as though it was my children to whom that this scripture was referring. I saw it instead as times I was “pregnant” with a specific task that God had placed on my heart to bring to life.

     Although I had been faithful in doing what I believed God had asked me to do, the results, to my eyes, were lacking. I had not brought forth new life. My efforts resulted in disappointment or heartbreak.

     I did not feel blessed in this area. This made me feel sad. I was not able to see this blessing or accept it. I’d let it go till later, realizing I would have to ponder this further and ask for God’s light.

     Later that day, I met a friend for prayer. She had been at our gathering the night before and could sense my disappointment with my “word.” I shared with her my thoughts and ponderings and how I was able to receive most of it. It was the part about “the fruits of my womb – my works – being blessed. That was the part I could not accept.

     She disagreed with my “assessment” of my works. She did not see them as a failure or not blessed by God. She affirmed me in my obedience and faithfulness to God in accomplishing what He asks me to do. She suggested that we offer up our holy hour that God would help me to see His truth in this situation. She encouraged me to trust that God was pleased with all that I had offered to Him and that He had taken it as a gift.

     As I sat there before Jesus, in the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed with all my heart! I did not want to reject this beautiful gift that He had shared with me through my friend the night before.

     I again began to pray the words: “Hail, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women” – I could feel grace fill my soul – but now, the part which I had really been struggling with was next. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” As I prayed those words, I asked to be receptive to what God wanted to give to me. I asked that He give me eyes to see and ears to hear. God touched my mind and heart. He assured me that my works had been blessed and I had given birth to new life. God had received my works as the gift of love for which I had meant them to be. Maybe they hadn’t met my expectations for “success,” as the world sees them, but in His eyes, they are.

     Tears streamed down my cheeks, as a smile came upon my face. This word was meant for me! God had whispered in my friend’s ear what He wanted me to know. It wasn’t random. She hadn’t misunderstood. I could now accept it as coming from God. God has made me fruitful.

     “Blessed IS the fruit of your womb” (Lk 1: 42b).

     “Blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled”          (Lk 1: 45).

     “Amen!”
    
    
    

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

 “Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!”  


     The longing in our hearts and souls for Jesus to come and be one with us can, at times, be overwhelming! Like the psalmist, we cry: “O God, You are my God, for You I long; for You my soul is thirsting. My body pines for You, like a dry, weary land without water” (psalm 63:2). 

     As I was busy cleaning my upstairs, I felt a sadness in my heart. I could not put my finger on its source or origin.

     Sure, we were into the busy season of “doing,” with Christmas just weeks away, but I was in really good shape! My house was decorated, my shopping almost accomplished, and my cards mailed.

     I was delighted that I was ahead of the game for a change. This allowed me the freedom to focus on Christ, the true meaning of Christmas – so why did I feel so sad?

     That was just it! My focus was on Jesus. I had already mounted the donkey with Mary, who was heavy with Child, as St. Joseph held the reigns of my Advent journey. 

     I was journeying with them. Although I felt the love of Mary and Joseph for our blessed Lord, I also felt the pain and rejection that they and He experienced and still experience.

     It is a pain similar to what a parent feels, when their child is left out; when their child is not chosen for the team; when a friend betrays them; when a friend rejects or does not believe in them. It is a pain like no other: the feeling of not being loved. Jesus is rejected and not loved by so many! 
     “He came unto His own and His own received Him not” (Jn 1:11).

     As I recognized the source of my pain, I thanked God for the insight. I also thanked Him for the privilege of sharing in His pain. I asked that He unite my pain with His to make it efficacious, most especially for those who do not think about Him or have rejected Him. I told Jesus that I hoped that my sharing in His pain would lessen His suffering. Although it did not go away, it now made sense. It was not useless or fruitless. It was full of meaning and could help console the heart of Jesus.

     When we love someone, we long to be with them. When they suffer, we do as well. When that Person is God, the feelings are so much deeper – there is an infinity to them. The truth is that our longing in itself causes a suffering within our hearts and souls, but when we suffer with Them, our pain is greatly increased.

     Our yearning and longing for God is truly a gift! But it is one that we don’t always recognize and mistake it for something else. When those deep feelings of longing, those intense feelings of yearning come into your heart, see it for what it truly is – God seeking your love! Jesus, thirsting for your love! 

     This Advent season, climb upon the donkey with Our Lady, pregnant with Jesus. Allow St. Joseph to lead you on your journey. Spend time with them. Converse with them. Give them your love and your heart. Feel baby Jesus as He moves within His Mother. Rejoice that He is coming! Share His joy – share His sorrow and disappointments. Make up with love for all who have forgotten Him. Gather gifts of selfless acts to offer to Him throughout this time of preparation. Rejoice that you are aware of His coming. Ready your heart to welcome Him on Christmas morning.

Stay awake! Keep alert! Jesus is coming! Don’t allow your feelings or duties to distract you from the true Reason for the Season – the birth of Christ!
    
    
    
    
    
    
     
    

Mary -- My Mother -- My Teacher

     “Your prayer, like all things, rests entirely in the hands of the Father. As you spend time with Mary in prayer, and as she reveals her heart to you, she will share with you how she is able to receive the Father’s love in all circumstances, whether holding Jesus in her arms at Bethlehem or Calvary. Mary’s pure heart is able to accept divine love in every moment, even when her circumstances are painful. Mary has utter trust in the Father’s care for her, and she is completely surrendered to His will, even to the point of offering her dear Son at Calvary without any resistance. Mary will show you how to trust completely, how to admit the Father’s love into every circumstance, and how to allow Him to have total control of your life, in the confidence that He will stay with you. By being with Mary at Calvary, she shares with you her freedom to allow God to love as He chooses and in the measure that He desires. No part of Mary’s life is protected from God; everything is His. Mary leads you into this experience from the inside, from her own awareness of God and from her own willingness to let Him be everything for  her.                                                                                           
 Good counsel from a wise and holy priest


     These precious words were given to me in spiritual direction over five and a half years ago. Since that time, I have meditated on these words, again and again, trying to glean and receive from Mary, my mother, this awesome lesson of trust.

     Learning to accept and receive Papa’s love when circumstances are painful, is not something that comes natural to me. Often like a frightened little child, I want to run and hide – fleeing from the pain – hoping it will just disappear. The thought that my heavenly Father has allowed it, does not give me comfort but sets me in confusion. My reaction points out how very far I am from complete surrender and trust in the love of the Father. My vision is skewed. I do not yet see life as Mary does.

    “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God” (Mt 5: 8).

     Unlike my mother Mary, my heart is not pure. I do not always see God nor feel His love in difficult circumstances. My heart is wounded by my own sins and by the pain inflicted by others. In my woundedness, I fear the cost of consciously making myself vulnerable. I fear laying aside my own will when receiving all the burden of life’s circumstances – and accepting the will of God without resistance. Nevertheless, I am well aware that I cannot control every aspect of my life, nor the lives of those I love. Life will have its way and things will happen that will be painful and difficult. And though I try to resist the idea of surrender, something deep within my mind and heart calls me to beg and plead to my Mother that I may receive this special grace from God.

     This desire causes me to want to spend time with Mary at Calvary, so she may share with me her freedom to allow God to love me as He chooses and in the measure He desires. I long to give all to God and not close any area of my life to Him as “off limits.” I yearn to truly learn from Mary how to accept God’s divine love in every moment of my life – painful times as well as joyous. I desire to stop hiding behind a chair, like a frightened child, and run to my Papa’s arms instead – receiving the love that He longs to lavish upon me. My hope is that my Mother Mary will teach me and lead me to allow God, my heavenly Father, to be everything for me.

     Although I have progressed in this area, it is clear I have much to learn and surrender. God ALONE knows the remaining time I have on this earth and He will adjust my lessons accordingly. Until He calls me home, I will continue to be a pupil in the school of Mary, praying to her Spouse the Holy Spirit, asking Him to fill me with His gifts and graces to respond fully that I may become a true daughter of my Mother Mary!
    
         
    

Masters of the Meaning

     “Our freedom always has this marvelous power to make what is taken from us – by life, events, or other people – into something offered. Externally there is no visible difference, but internally everything is transfigured: fate into free choice, constraint into love, loss into fruitfulness. Human freedom is of absolutely unheard-of greatness. It does not confer the power to change everything, but it does empower us to give a meaning to everything, even meaningless things; and that is much better. We are not always masters of the unfolding of our lives, but we can be masters of the meaning we give them. Our freedom can transform any event in our lives into an expression of love, abandonment, trust, hope, and offering.”                                                                                          Fr. Jacques Phillipe


     Life is not fair! Innocent people suffer. Family and friends betray us. Good people get sick, lose their jobs, their house, their finances, or their lives. We sometimes struggle to take the next step, only to get knocked down by something else. When these things happen, how do we keep our inner peace? How do we believe and trust that, in spite of the circumstances, God still loves us? What can we do to acquire the freedom that Fr. Jacques writes about?

Head in the Right Direction

     “My food is to do the will of the One who sent Me and to finish His work.”                                                             John 4 vs 34


     God has given to each of us work to accomplish. Work which reveals itself to us as each day of our life unfolds. Our work is not a single task but a continuum of tasks we accomplish one after another.

     Following God’s commandments, as well as the teachings of the Catholic Church, helps us in navigating the road to His will. Fulfilling the duties of our state in life, to the best of our ability, will keep us heading in the right direction.

Recognize the Gift -- Accept It

     I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the spiritual life, I tend to be a slow learner. But I am blessed to have a “Papa” who loves me unconditionally and is so very patient. He has an image of the woman He has called me to be from all eternity, and realizes that I am a “work in progress.” God usually teaches me a lesson and then uses the events of my life so I can practice each of them – again and again and again – until I finally “get it!” Such was the case this past Advent and Christmas season.

And the Word Became Flesh

     “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God, all things came to be through Him, and without Him nothing came to be. And the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. He was in the world and the world came to be through Him, but the world did not know Him. He came to what was His own, but His own people did not accept Him.  (Jn 1 vs 1-5, 14, 10-11).


     When Joseph and Mary arrived in Bethlehem, it became clear that the Babe in her womb, the Word of God, was to be born. The town was teeming with others who had come to register in the City of David. Every place Joseph turned for shelter, they found rejection. The inns were all filled! They turned them away and sent them off. It was not their problem. Let somebody else help them.

Calming the Hurricane

     “Advent’s intention is to awaken the most profound and basic emotional memory within us, namely, the memory of the God who became a child. This is a healing memory; it brings hope.” Pope Benedict XVI


     Like travelers, who have lost their way, we wander through the Advent season forgetting our blessed destination. Because we have taken our eyes away from the star, which is burning brightly in the dark sky, we feel disoriented. We are like people caught up in a hurricane and there is no peace or serenity. We need to move toward the eye of the storm, where it is calm, and look up. Christ’s light is there shining in the darkness of our emotional night. We must keep our focus on Christ and His light. It will guide us, in spite of our present circumstances.

Love's Clock

     “The distance separating Our Lord from the house where Lazarus lived was about a day’s journey . . . in all it would have been four days since He received the news. God’s delays are mysterious; sorrow is sometimes prolonged for the same reason for which it is sent. God may abstain for the moment from healing, not because Love does not love, but because Love never stops loving, and a greater good is to come from the woe. Heaven’s clock is different from ours.”          Bishop Fulton J. Sheen


     Why does God allow suffering? Why does He delay in answering our prayers, or at times, appear not to even hear them? Those were probably the thoughts of Martha and Mary when they contacted Jesus and He failed to come to heal their brother Lazarus. Lazarus was already dead four days by the time Jesus arrived.

Fanning the Flame

     It was March 19, the feast of St. Joseph.

     Feeling burdened and insecure, I had gone to the Adoration chapel to make a visit and seek divine assistance. Later that evening, because of my suggestion, our faith enrichment group was going to read The Flame of Love, an abridged version of Elizabeth Kindelmann’s diary. Although familiar with the FOL Movement since late last spring, I could not articulate much about it, let alone facilitate a study. So why was I going to do it? Although filled with fear and apprehension, it did seem like the next step to take.

Keep Focused

     “Man was created for a certain end. This end is to praise, to reverence and to serve the Lord his God and by this means to arrive at eternal salvation. All other beings and objects that surround us on the earth were created for the benefit of man and to be useful to him, as means to his final end; hence his obligation to use, or to abstain from the use of, these creatures, according as they bring him nearer to that end, or tend to separate him from it.”                                                           St. Ignatius of Loyola


     Keeping focus on the real truth for which we were created -- to praise, reverence and serve the Lord to arrive at our eternal salvation -- should be the motivational factor for everything we do. It should be our map of life and compass to guide us on our journey. This map carefully points out both aids and obstacles along the way. Some obstacles should be avoided at all costs so we do not lose our way, while others challenge and strengthen us as a means to reach our destination.