Friday, September 12, 2014

Who, Lord, Do You Say That I Am? -- Part 3

     I was back to my original question. Lord, who do You say that I am? If I’m not Your servant, than who am I? Like Jacob, I did a lot of wrestling with God. Through much pain, suffering, and letting go of the burdens I had placed upon myself, the answer finally did come. I was not just God’s servant, but He revealed to me that I am His Daughter, who happens to get to serve Him. He takes all my effort as a gift. He knows that the results of my efforts are not in my control. He reminded me that He is God and I am not. He wants me to trust Him with my children, because He loves them even more than I do. He helped me recall how He has been with me on my journey through life and that I did not always choose as He would have preferred, nevertheless, He was with me in spite of my choices. He has continued to guide and accompany me on my journey.


     He assured me that He too is journeying with my children and will accompany them through life. As adults they are responsible for their souls. As a mother, it is still my place to speak to them when, through prayer, I believe God is asking me to do so. I will continue to pray like crazy that they are open to following God’s will in their lives, but He reminded me, that I don’t know the path He has set before them, with all it’s twists and turns. My place is to love, pray and trust. I need to be a parent like God, who gives my children the freedom to choose to love me or not . . . to love Him or not . . . and that takes an awful lot of grace, trust, strength, patience and guts!

     God also showed me that I was far too attached to my children. He tells us in Holy Scripture, “Whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” Although I always made time for God and my relationship with Him, I had not realized my inordinate attachment to my children. By looking at my feelings and behavior, it became apparent that my children had become a little god for me. My successes and achievements in motherhood were full of pride and not gratitude to God, for what He had, in fact, achieved. He pointed out to me that I will serve Him as His daughter in whatever title or role He sees fit and I am not to be attached to any of them. I do not have the power to control the next minute, let alone the next day, week or month. I need to trust Him completely and abandon myself to His will.

     But I am a daughter of God the Most High and I know that He will give me the grace that I need to do what He has called me to do. Knowing my identity as His daughter, and a little one at that, has given me the freedom not to try so hard. As a parent, I know that little children are only able to do so much … but their love and effort is what pleases us. This knowledge, that God is my loving Father and not a hard taskmaster, has made a positive difference in my life. I no longer feel displaced or searching. I feel anchored and not just tossed about in turbulent waters. It’s a real knowing of who I am, even when things around me feel uncertain and unfamiliar. It gives me a deeper sense of trust in God, that as my life continues to change and our children continue to grow and choose their careers and spouses, and as our parents continue to age and need our physical and emotional support, being a daughter of Almighty God, my heavenly Father, and depending on Him for the graces to respond, will make my journey smoother.

     It's been a dozen years or so, since this lesson was first taught to me. And like any good teacher, God has given me plenty of opportunities to practice. I have experienced gains and losses, joys and struggles. Life has continued to change much since that time. Sometimes I have aced the challenge I faced, while other times I have flunked the test. But with each succeeding event, it is easier to remember that "Papa" is with me, sharing the graces that I need. I am learning to throw out the anchor and hold fast to my heavenly Father, instead of jumping ship.

     I thank God for His presence and love in my life and in the lives of those I love. I pray that I will come someday, to the place of total trust in my "Papa," as I continue to navigate in this sea of life.

   

   

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your life lesson with us Avia Joy. What a wonderful witness of His love and one that most of us, who are parents, need to learn.

    ReplyDelete