I remember Helen Reddy belting out the song “I am Woman” in 1972 and somehow not really being able to relate to her battle cry. I never felt held down or unable to reach my goals. I never looked at being a woman as something inferior, nor did I feel looked down upon. I was always someone who achieved the goals I had set for myself. I did not feel like I had missed out or was limited by life’s choices because I was a woman and now, a wife and hoped to be a “stay at home” mother. The role and identity of women seemed to take an even greater shift in the late 70’s and 80’s and by the 90’s, finding fulfillment in “just” motherhood was almost extinct.
As a mother of five, I felt truly blessed to be able to be home with our children. In fact, I would often kid my husband about being married to a dinosaur because of my contentment in “just” being a wife and mother. Sure there were days that I struggled, but the good days outweighed the bad. Motherhood had stretched and challenged me to grow from a self- centered woman to look beyond my own needs and wants to see the needs of others. My initial feelings of being a mother were those of fear, as I felt somewhat overwhelmed by the awesome responsibility of parenthood. Once I embraced motherhood, I did so wholeheartedly and it seemed to be what I was born to be.
Although each of our children’s personalities was quite different and the family dynamics would change with each addition, God sent the graces and wisdom necessary to handle each situation. I tried my best to nurture our children and care for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually and felt pleased, most of the time, with my results. In fact, I felt quite comfortable with my vocation as a mother and believed I had found my niche.
As our children started school, becoming involved in school activities and meeting other moms was a welcomed change of pace. My husband and I went on a Marriage Encounter Weekend which opened our eyes to see the importance of making time for us as a couple and helped me to keep my husband a priority. When our youngest started school, I became involved in our parish: RCIA, Adult religious education, Eucharistic minister, parish council and wherever I believed God was calling me to serve. My husband and children and the needs of our family always came first. I would not neglect my duties of keeping our house in order, meals prepared, wash and ironing, food shopping and the likes. Our parents were also included in our schedules and we kept ourselves quite busy never forgetting to add some family fun and outings.
Time passed and before I knew it, several of our children were in college, our youngest in high school, our daughter was married and we had a grandchild! Although one of our sons boarded at college, we still had three at home. I was active in our parish and busy with my grandson and our aging parents and finally making time to garden, a luxury I hadn't time for up to this point. We often had company and people coming and going, so I wasn't lonely or bored, but I had begun to notice a change within myself. In the past few years, I began to feel a little displaced and out of step, like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. I used to fit and all of a sudden I wasn't sure of where I fit in or who I should be. It was a difficult time and I wasn't sure how to be myself or what that really meant anymore. My husband and I would talk about how I was feeling and he was so very kind and patient, but it became apparent that this answer could only come from God.
Once again, I can readily identify with you, Avia Joy. I too felt very secure and content as a stay at home mother and wife and could not identify with most of the Women's Liberation movement. I must say, I am eager to read Part 2 of your blog to see exactly how God answered you.
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