Confessions of a 'Seasoned' Mother -- Part 1

     I considered myself a ‘seasoned’ mother. Having been blessed with five children and the luxury to be an ‘at home’ mom, we had successfully navigated through many of life’s experiences and created a deep family bond.

     Our two youngest would be graduating; one from grade school and one from high school, so once again, we were looking at colleges. Although our three oldest had finished college, they had all commuted, so we had not experienced their absence from our home. I have to admit, I liked it that way. I enjoyed the ‘live at home ‘connection we shared.

      So that was our plan. Our son would find a local college and commute, just like his siblings.

     Well, we did find a local university which our son liked and he was even blessed to get a good size scholarship. Having been accepted into the honors program, it was strongly suggested that he board at school. Oh my! This was not part of the plan … not part of my plan. My heart was full of fear! Although I knew our son was a good young man, I worried about who his roommate would be and the friends he would make. I imagined just how much I’d miss him and was not happy with the evolution of events. I feared the control I would not have and worried about losing our son and the bond we shared. But, much to my chagrin, our decision was made and before I knew it, he was away at school.

     At first, although I did miss him a lot, he was home every weekend, so I still felt connected. But as time moved along, he made more friends and we started seeing less of him. He seemed happy when I talked to him, but I was usually the one making the phone calls. I started feeling forgotten and tossed aside, like an old shoe that you’d dig out only when you needed it. My feelings were easily hurt and I would take his absence from our home personally. My son tried to reassure me that I was being foolish, but my fears were beginning to build a wall between us.

     I didn't know quite how to handle the feelings I was experiencing. I had given my time, love and energy to my son and as he was maturing and growing into adulthood … I judged he was growing apart from us and most especially from me. He was becoming less and less emotionally dependent upon me, just as it should be. I didn't know how to accept it. It felt more like rejection to me than a normal evolvement of life. Although my heart was aching, I knew in my head that I was not seeing the whole picture…or the lens of my camera was out of focus. I believed I was missing something as I began to ask God to help me to see the situation more clearly.

      I talked to my husband about it as well. Thanks be to God, men have a way of looking at circumstances much differently than women. Although I am reluctant, at times, to ask for my husband’s opinion, I have come, in later years, to trust his assessment of a situation. His view proved helpful to me as he did saw our son’s behavior as normal and natural.  He assured me that our son had not forgotten us and that this was a learning experience for him as well. He believed that as our children matured and began lives on their own, this was typical behavior and not a rejection of our family or of me. He told me that he was sure that God still had a plan for us and as it started out just the two of us, it would be that way some time again … if we are blessed to grow old together.

    Although my husband’s words were full of wisdom and truth, it didn't take away my feelings of hurt and abandonment…but it did ease the pain. I tried as I could to change how I felt, but I could not. Along with my husbands help, I continued to ask God to assist me. Throughout my many years of mothering, God had never failed to give me the grace and insight that I needed and I had to believe that He would not fail me now.