The Holy Spirit - He's Sasha to me

     As a child, and even for much of my adult life, my relationship with the Holy Spirit has not been what I would necessarily call personal. I received the Sacrament of Confirmation in third grade, and although I was catechized very well - I was a Baltimore Catechism student - I didn't really feel close to the Holy Spirit. Sure I prayed to Him at what I saw as the appropriate times; like to help me remember the answers to a test for which I had studied, or for the right words to say in a difficult situation. I also asked Him for specific gifts, fruits and graces, since I figured that was His territory. But it wasn't really much of a relationship.

     As I grew into an adult and studied more about my faith, although my knowledge and appreciation of the Him deepened, it was in my head and not my heart. At times I felt frustrated with myself and tried to make it happen. I joined a charismatic prayer group and began a "Life in the Spirit' seminar, but I was more of a contemplative and stopped after a number of weeks. I felt like a Holy Spirit "drop out" and finally resolved myself to my situation. I found consolation in the fact that I felt very close to God the Father and Jesus, so two out of three was not so bad!

     On and off for periods of time after that, the yearning to "know" the Holy Spirit would resurface in my heart. I would beg and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal Himself to me in some way. I looked and looked for books that would help and read whatever I thought might assist me in my quest. One time when I was in a religious book store, I saw a newly ordained bishop and asked if he could recommend a book which would help me grow in my relationship with the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of any at that moment, and he seemed somewhat embarrassed at not being able to help. Feeling somewhat frustrated, I decided to let it go for the time being.

     It wasn't until around the time that God the Father had told  me to call Him Papa that the longing to know the Holy Spirit in a intimate way began to return. So I began to bug Him again. I asked Him to reveal His name to me, because addressing Him as Holy Spirit, was just too formal. I thought if I had a pet name it could make a difference. I also implored Jesus and Papa as well, and asked our Lady, His spouse, to intercede for me. I felt determined this time not to stop until I got an answer.

     It did not happen right away, but after a several weeks of pleading and persisting in my pursuit, a name came to me one day in prayer: Sasha. "Sasha?" I replied in the depths of my heart. Again I asked, "Sasha?" What kind of a name is that? I really wasn't sure if it was from the Holy Spirit, or from my imagination. Sasha was certainly not a name that I would come up with. I wanted a name to call the Spirit because I thought if I had one He would truly become the Third Person to me, and not only a dove . . .but Sasha?

     When I finished my prayer time I felt curious to see just what the name Sasha meant. To my amazement, the name meant: defender, and helper of mankind, as well as truth and true. I was flabbergasted, to say the least!

     Unlike the name "Papa," which resonated in my being, Sasha didn't. But it's meaning was too much of a coincidence for me to just ignore. At first I felt a bit awkward and silly calling Him by that name, but I believed that I needed to trust and at least give it a try and see what happened.

     Well, it's been a number of years now since that blessed day, and although my relationship with the Holy Spirit isn't as deep as my relationship with God the Father and Jesus, it has grown. Having a name to call Him has changed Him for me, from a dove into a Person. I do speak to Him more often and feel like I am getting more familiar with Him. I believe that He is the one that has put this deep desire in my heart to know Him better, and I feel certain that with time and His grace, it will come to fruition. Come Holy Spirit. Come! Come Sasha. Come!