The Father - He told me to call Him Papa

     When I was a little girl and thought about God the Father, my concept of Him was the "God in charge." Jesus was the obedient Son and the Holy Spirit, well, He did whatever the Father or Jesus asked Him to do.

     At the same time, I thought of Him as my heavenly Father who cared and watched over me. I knew that He loved me very much because He had sent Jesus to open the gates of heaven, that had been closed because of the sin of Adam and Eve. He wanted me to be a good little girl so I could be with Him someday in heaven. It saddened me that there were people who did not love God, nor want to make Him happy. I promised Him at a young age to do what I could to show my love for Him.

     My relationship with the Father deepened over the years, most especially when I became a parent. Feeling the love for my own children put a new perspective on the way God the Father loved me, and not just me, but every one of His children. It pained my heart to see the indifference that many had toward Him, and I did what I could, in my own little world, to bring others closer to Him.

     As you grow in relationship with someone, an endearing name often emerges for them. I enjoyed thinking up pet names for my husband, as well as each of our five children, and our grandchildren. I had long called Jesus, my dear sweet Jesus, and I yearned for an affectionate name for God the Father.

     Abba Father, the name Jesus called Him, just didn't do anything for me. . . Daddy God, wouldn't work either. I called God the Father either just plain Father, or eternal Father and I found nothing intimate in either name!

     I started to bug God the Father to give me a name to call Him. . .one that would make me want to get up on His lap and snuggle close to His heart. One that would say to me that I was His little girl, and He would always be there for me, even when life's circumstances would want me to believe otherwise. There are times in each of our lives when we are challenged to believe in the goodness of God. . . when things haven't worked out quite like we thought they would . . . and this was such a time for me.

     One day, through the grace of God, it occurred to me that I felt angry with God the Father. I
discovered that I held Him responsible for the circumstance with which I was struggling. In my pain and blindness, I thought He should have somehow not allowed this situation to happen; I told Him so. I felt somewhat like the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son and shook my fist at my Father. I felt angry, hurt, and confused as I sat there in prayer with my God.

     This was not the first time that I wrestled with God, and my perception of life. Like Jacob, I would not let go until God gave me His grace and His blessing. As I sat with Him in prayer, it became apparent to me that this wasn't something that God had necessarily ordained. But in His permissive Will had allowed it. He was not the cause, but my companion on the journey, and it saddened Him to see me suffer. He was there with me through it all with the grace and assistance I would need, and in fact, He would use this situation for my good.

     When I realized how wrong I had been and how part of my heart had unknowingly hardened toward God the Father, I asked Him to please forgive me. I was so very unaware of my sin and felt stunned by my blindness. I now felt more like the prodigal son, who had hurt his father so deeply, but the father never stopped loving him.

     This perception had not come all at once - but little by little -  like when night changes into daylight - and the darkness is no more. Along with this knowledge came a great joy and grateful heart, and at that moment, I heard my heavenly Father tell me to call Him Papa. I felt both surprised and delighted: surprised like when you get an unexpected gift, and delighted in the sense that it thrilled my heart. The name Papa resonated in my being and felt natural to me. I knew this was a new beginning in my relationship with God the Father, and would play a key role in my life's journey. As I sat there in prayer, a smile came to my face. I imaged myself as a little girl running up to Papa's lap, climbing up, and snuggling close to His heart.