Our Deepest Yearning

     “Wait a little while, my soul, await the promise of God, and you will have the fullness of all that is good in heaven. If you yearn inordinately for the good things of this life, you will lose those things that are heavenly and eternal. Use temporal things properly, but always desire what is eternal. Temporal things can never fully satisfy you, for you were not created to enjoy them alone . . . for your blessedness and happiness lie only in God, who has made all things from nothing.”            Thomas a’ Kempis



     We all have a yearning; a longing to be filled; a deep thirst which we are unable to satisfy on our own. We flit from this to that, hoping to quench our desire, but often come up empty. If we are able to find satisfaction, it is doesn't last long. It is fleeting and we are back to our quest!


     Our problem lies in the fact that God has made us with a hole in our heart which only He can fill. Forgetting this, we look to the people and things of this world to ease and fill our void. We inflict a burden upon them, which they cannot carry, and a task they are unable to fulfill. We have mistakenly expected them to fill the place in our heart, which belongs only to God.

     In our quest to quiet this longing deep within, we try to fill this space with the finite: our spouse, our children, our friends, activities, TV, internet, jobs, shopping, vacations, stuff, sports, food, alcohol, sex, and money. Our desires have become disordered with a need that we are not able to satisfy. We have been wounded deeply by original sin and our sensual appetites have gone amok. Dissatisfaction with life, jealousy, greed, anger, pride, envy, and hatred are some of the evils that overtake our minds and hearts. We don’t feel content and look for the next thing that would satisfy our “fix.”

     We fail to recognize this deep yearning was placed in our heart by God. It is something that should bring us into a closer relationship with Him. Papa uses this longing to get our attention so we will run to Him. We mistake it and center our focus elsewhere. Like a beggar, God is calling out for our love but His cries are not recognized. In our deafness, we run to everything and everyone but Him, abusing the gifts He has given to us. God does want us to enjoy our loved ones and the things of this world, but in right order. He should be the King in our hearts and we have vanquished Him to second, third or fourth place.

     “For You have given Your children a sacred time for the renewing and purifying of their hearts, that, freed from disordered affections, they may so deal with the things of this passing world as to hold  rather to the things that eternally endure” (Preface II of Lent).

     During this Lenten season, let us take inventory of our hearts. Ask Sasha, the Holy Spirit, to help you take an honest look at the people or things for which you have a disordered attachment: people or things that have become a little “god” for you—things that we think we can’t live without. We must de-throne all that has replaced God’s place in our hearts.

     Letting go of our attachments can be painful and difficult. We may try to justify them as “not so bad,” in order to delay the inevitable loss we will initially feel: That pocketbook, that dress, those shoes are really cute. I work hard and deserve it. – This has been a lousy day, and no one helps to make it lighter for me. I’m going to have that drink… ice cream… that whatever. Pick your poison. -- That car, vacation, person or thing, which God meant for our enjoyment, has become a disordered desire. The way we try to fill ourselves may vary. It is an inner dissatisfaction that we are trying to stuff down by turning to our chosen “fix.”It does not work! Stay strong! Detachment is for our good and is well worth every effort on our part. Our good God wants nothing more than to fill us with His grace to help us accomplish this task. He longs to fill us with His love and riches, but we often settle for so much less! We do not trust that He can fill our deepest longings and grasp tightly to the things of this world.

     When we feel that yearning, that need deep within our being, go to God. Demand that He make good on His promise to fill you with all the goodness of heaven. Ask for His help to realize that the yearning for that person or thing will not fill you. Beseech Him to allow the scales to fall from your eyes to see the people and things of this world as He does. Beg Papa to free you from all disordered affections. Ask for the grace and patience to wait and trust that God will indeed fill you!

     “Only You, O Lord, can satisfy my soul’s thirst for supreme truth, infinite charity, and eternal beauty. When my heart becomes fixed upon any created thing, seeking a little satisfaction in it; when it lets itself be taken up, even to a slight degree, by some earthly affection, and without discretion becomes immersed in the business and cares of life, very soon it has to withdraw from them, weary and exhausted, empty and oppressed. O Lord, create in me a pure, upright heart which sees You always and in all things; set in order charity within me, so that my affections and desires may remain constantly directed toward You” (Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen).

     When with God’s grace and our cooperation we are set free from our inordinate attachments, like St. John of the Cross, we can say: “The heavens are mine, the earth is mine, and the nations are mine; mine are the just, and the sinners are mine; mine are the angels, the Mother of God, and all things are mine: God Himself is mine and for me, because Christ is mine, and all for me. What dost thou, then, ask for what dost thou seek for, my soul? All is thine, all is for thee, do not take less, nor rest with the crumbs which fall from the table of thy Father. Go forth and exalt in thy glory, hide thyself in it, and rejoice, and thou shalt obtain all the desires of thy heart” (St. John of the Cross).