Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The Lent I Need

     “Come Holy Spirit! Consume in me anything that keeps me from being consumed in You.”


     I thought I had begun Lent on the right foot. For several weeks prior to its start, I had prayed and asked God to direct my path and let me know just how He was calling me to change.

     The answer I received seemed somewhat vague, so I tried to contrive which areas within myself, needed work. Several ideas came to me. My plan was to work on my quiet prayer time. For some time now, I was giving in to distractions, instead of ignoring them. I wanted to nip that in the bud. The other thing I wanted to work on was not snacking after 8 o’clock. Most of the time when I snacked, I was not really hungry. I was trying to comfort a restlessness or disappointment in my life, instead of going to God with my feelings. That’s what I’ll do, I thought!

     On Ash Wednesday, I attended a day of reflection. The priest began with this prayer: “Come Holy Spirit! Consume in me anything that keeps me from being consumed in You.”

     That prayer resonated deeply in my head. This was something I truly desired. Union with God, or being consumed by Him, is the call God makes to each of us. I wanted to be free of my inordinate attachments and sin, so one day, this could become a reality.

     Father then said, we often don’t know how we need to be perfected and purified. He told us not to worry too much or be fixated on what we were going to “give up” for Lent. He said that more than likely we’d be doing poorly before the end of the weekend. He suggested instead, that we ask God to give us the Lent that we need. God knows what we need.

     Hmmm, I thought. The part of me that likes to control and plan did not really like that idea. Lent without a plan? For me, it would be like going on a road trip without a map or directions.

     Well, maybe I’ll do both. I’ll follow my plan and tell God He can add His plan as well.

     There were some issues and events coming up, of which I felt apprehensive. I tried to deal with my feelings by giving them my attention and bringing them to God. I tried, but could not overcome my concerns and expectations. I felt stuck and disappointed with the results of my efforts. The temptation to want to change my situation was still with me. Why can’t I get passed this? Why can’t I just let it go and trust God with these situations? I did not know. The next two evenings when my snack called to me, I indulged!    

     By Monday morning, I felt like a failure! Father was correct. I didn’t make it through the weekend without falling. On top of that, I didn’t want the Lent that God was placing before me.

     Lent is often referred to as entering the desert. The desert is the place where we face temptations and trials. We get to wrestle with God about issues and areas in our lives, that still need to be purified and perfected.

     Although I had willingly entered the desert, I did not want to be there any longer. Like the wandering Israelites, I felt lost. I felt uneasy and restless. I had no sense of direction. I felt like I was walking aimlessly, without rhyme or reason. I did not know my destination, let alone how to arrive there.

     As I sat in Church after Mass, a friend approached me to see if I was okay. I tried to smile, but struggled to do so. I voiced my burdens and concerns. He told me to ask God to give me the Lent that I needed. I couldn’t believe my ears! That was exactly the same advice I had received a few days ago. I better heed this advice!

     He then suggested that I lay all my cares, concerns and my loved ones, at the feet of Jesus on the cross. He told me to voice my confidence to God, knowing He will answer my prayers. He then said, “It will happen. It may be late, but it will be great!”

     His words brought a smile to my face and was balm for my burdened soul. He assured me of his prayers and left, after giving me a hug.

     As I sat there in God’s presence, I felt blessed to have a friend with such an audacious faith and trust in God. He is an inspiration to me and a great gift from God.

     After some time, I left and went home and had breakfast. Sitting there, I began to do some devotional reading for Lent. This message struck my heart:

     “For thus says the Lord God: Behold I myself will seek My sheep, and will visit them . . .. and will deliver them out of all the places where they have been scattered in the cloudy and dark day . . .. I will bring them to their own land, and I will feed them in the mountains of Israel. . .. There they shall rest on the green grass” (Ez 34:11-16).

     “This is the program which the Lord wishes to accomplish in our souls during the holy season of Lent, in order to lead us by means of it to a life of higher perfection and closer intimacy with Him. He stretches out His hand to us, not only to save us from dangers, but also to help us climb to those higher places here He Himself will nourish us.

     “The point of departure which will make the realization of this divine plan possible is a new conversion on our part: we must collect our powers, desires, and affections, which have been scattered and are lingering in the valley of the purely human; putting them all together, we must make them converge on God, our one last end. In this sense, our Lenten conversion should consist in a generous determination to put ourselves more resolutely in the way of perfections. It means a new determination to become a saint. The desire for sanctity is the mainspring of the spiritual life; the more intense and real this desire is in us, the more it will urge us to pledge ourselves totally. In this first week of Lent, we must try to arouse and strengthen our resolution to become a saint. If other efforts in the past have been unsuccessful or have not entirely reached the goal, this is not reason for discouragement. ‘Now I have begun’: or rather, ‘now I begin’; let us repeat it humbly, and may the experience of our past failures make us place our trust in God alone” (Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, OCD).

     As I read these words, it became clear to me that I had once again, stepped up to the podium, trying to orchestrate my Lenten journey. I did not want God to lead me. I was not pleased with the direction in which He was directing me. These were areas that I did not want to tread, so I was walking around in circles, feeling lost and scared.

     God was trying to bring me to higher places and I felt dizzy with fright! I did not trust His direction. I wanted to go by another path. I forgot that God is trying to make me into a saint. I needed to become determined to follow Him resolutely in love and trust.

     As all these revelations came to mind, I felt relieved and blessed. God did not leave me wandering aimlessly in the desert, but, was Himself, directing me to an inhabited city. He was satisfying my longing soul and filling my hungry soul with good things.

     God was answering the prayer I prayed on Ash Wednesday: “Come Holy Spirit. Consume in me anything that keeps me from being consumed in You. Please, dear Lord, give me the Lent I need. Amen.”

    “They went astray in the desert wilderness; the way to an inhabited city they did not find. Hungry and thirsty, their life was wasting away within them. They cried to the Lord in their distress; from their straits, He rescued them. And He led them by a direct way to reach an inhabited city. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His kindness and wondrous deeds to the children of men, because He satisfied their longing soul and filled the hungry soul with good things.”  (Psalm 107: 4-9)

1 comment:

  1. What a great idea, to let God direct our lent. I am constantly distracted in my quiet time and I feel as though God is calling me there. I to give in to the temptation, Avia Joy! Please remove our temptations by your grace and help us to follow you Lord.

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