Not Alone

     “What worthy return can we make for so great a condescension? The Only-begotten God, ineffably born of God, entered the Virgin’s womb and grew and took the frame of poor humanity. He who upholds the universe, with Whom and through Whom are all things, was brought forth from common childbirth. He as Whose voice the archangels and angels tremble, and heaven and earth and all the elements of this world are melted, was heard in childish wailing. The Invisible and Incomprehensible, Whom sight and feeling and touch cannot measure, was wrapped in a cradle.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         St. Hilary of Poitiers


     The rush of preparing for our Christmas celebrations, along with the hustle and bustle of our holiday visits, can make it both challenging and difficult for the true meaning of the celebration to penetrate.

     “And the Word became flesh, and made His dwelling among us” (Jn 1:14).

The Best Gift Ever

     I was so looking forward to Advent this year! I was tired of straddling the fence in several areas in my life, and saw Advent as a perfect opportunity to rid my heart of clutter. I intended to work hard to purify and cleanse my heart, making it ready to receive Jesus on Christmas morning.

     But as we lit the pink candle on our Advent wreath last Sunday, I quietly cringed inwardly. On some fronts, I was doing very well, but in one area in particular, I was ashamed.

No Mistake Here

     “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.”               
                                                                                                        Luke 1:28, 42


     As I read those words, I felt very uncomfortable. I could not accept them. I could not receive them. I did not believe this message was meant for me. It must have been a mistake.

     Those words had been spoken to Our Lady – by Gabriel and Elizabeth. Like John the Baptist, I was unworthy to untie the straps of Mary’s sandals, let alone accept words that were meant for her.

     My friend must have misunderstood what she was supposed to do. After all, she was new to our group. Maybe it was not explained to her clearly enough that each of us was to choose either something from our study, or a scripture that was dear to our hearts. These messages were to be exchanged with one another and received as God’s gift to them. The words were often a lifeline and something to cling to in times of trial. This exchange was often the highpoint and culmination of our time together as a group, and one we all cherished and looked forward to receiving. Because my heart was closed to the gift, I felted cheated!

     I was struggling with my feelings. We had prayed as usual, that each of us would receive the “word” that God wanted us to receive. I felt like I would be a hypocrite, by accepting the word that I had received. I was not “full” of grace, and much of my “fruit,” my good works, had not, in my eyes anyway, appeared to have been blessed. There were areas, in which, I felt as though I had failed, and could not see the blessing. I asked God to enlighten me, because I felt as though I was in the dark.

     At Mass the next morning, I again asked God to help me to see. I remembered many years ago, feeling the same way about a different “word” I had been given. It took me five days before I was able to see that God had in fact, meant that “word” for me. I knew I was being asked to trust and believe once again, that He would make it clear.

     I began to pray the scripture: “Hail, full of grace!” Now, although I knew I wasn’t full of grace, I recognized that I tried my best to stay in God’s graces and strive to please Him. God knows my heart and the great love I have for Him. Maybe He was trying to encourage me with these words. As the thoughts went through my mind, I tried to believe and allow them to soak into my soul.

     I continued, “The Lord is with you.” As I prayed those words, I felt the love of God pour into my heart! He was speaking to me. He was trying to reassure me and take away my doubts and fears. He wanted me to allow this truth to penetrate deep within my soul. “The Lord IS with me. The Lord IS with ME!” He will never leave me or forsake me – even when I feel like His is not with me or that He is far away – He is not! These words were balm for my soul! I was able to receive them!

     I continued, “Blessed are you among women.” The uncomfortableness returned. I wasn’t sure how to receive this one. For Mary, it was so true, but how could I receive this word?

     As I continued to pray, it occurred to me that God had truly blessed me. I was not perfect nor sinless like Mary, but blessed with many gifts, talents and graces. I was blessed not above all women, like Our Lady, but along with many wonderful gracefilled women that inhabit God’s glorious earth. Seeing it from this perspective, I could accept this part as well.

    I then moved to the next phrase. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” I was so very blessed to have five wonderful children, but somehow, I did not feel as though it was my children to whom that this scripture was referring. I saw it instead as times I was “pregnant” with a specific task that God had placed on my heart to bring to life.

     Although I had been faithful in doing what I believed God had asked me to do, the results, to my eyes, were lacking. I had not brought forth new life. My efforts resulted in disappointment or heartbreak.

     I did not feel blessed in this area. This made me feel sad. I was not able to see this blessing or accept it. I’d let it go till later, realizing I would have to ponder this further and ask for God’s light.

     Later that day, I met a friend for prayer. She had been at our gathering the night before and could sense my disappointment with my “word.” I shared with her my thoughts and ponderings and how I was able to receive most of it. It was the part about “the fruits of my womb – my works – being blessed. That was the part I could not accept.

     She disagreed with my “assessment” of my works. She did not see them as a failure or not blessed by God. She affirmed me in my obedience and faithfulness to God in accomplishing what He asks me to do. She suggested that we offer up our holy hour that God would help me to see His truth in this situation. She encouraged me to trust that God was pleased with all that I had offered to Him and that He had taken it as a gift.

     As I sat there before Jesus, in the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed with all my heart! I did not want to reject this beautiful gift that He had shared with me through my friend the night before.

     I again began to pray the words: “Hail, full of grace. The Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women” – I could feel grace fill my soul – but now, the part which I had really been struggling with was next. “And blessed is the fruit of your womb.” As I prayed those words, I asked to be receptive to what God wanted to give to me. I asked that He give me eyes to see and ears to hear. God touched my mind and heart. He assured me that my works had been blessed and I had given birth to new life. God had received my works as the gift of love for which I had meant them to be. Maybe they hadn’t met my expectations for “success,” as the world sees them, but in His eyes, they are.

     Tears streamed down my cheeks, as a smile came upon my face. This word was meant for me! God had whispered in my friend’s ear what He wanted me to know. It wasn’t random. She hadn’t misunderstood. I could now accept it as coming from God. God has made me fruitful.

     “Blessed IS the fruit of your womb” (Lk 1: 42b).

     “Blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled”          (Lk 1: 45).

     “Amen!”
    
    
    

Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!

 “Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus!”  


     The longing in our hearts and souls for Jesus to come and be one with us can, at times, be overwhelming! Like the psalmist, we cry: “O God, You are my God, for You I long; for You my soul is thirsting. My body pines for You, like a dry, weary land without water” (psalm 63:2). 

     As I was busy cleaning my upstairs, I felt a sadness in my heart. I could not put my finger on its source or origin.

     Sure, we were into the busy season of “doing,” with Christmas just weeks away, but I was in really good shape! My house was decorated, my shopping almost accomplished, and my cards mailed.

     I was delighted that I was ahead of the game for a change. This allowed me the freedom to focus on Christ, the true meaning of Christmas – so why did I feel so sad?

     That was just it! My focus was on Jesus. I had already mounted the donkey with Mary, who was heavy with Child, as St. Joseph held the reigns of my Advent journey. 

     I was journeying with them. Although I felt the love of Mary and Joseph for our blessed Lord, I also felt the pain and rejection that they and He experienced and still experience.

     It is a pain similar to what a parent feels, when their child is left out; when their child is not chosen for the team; when a friend betrays them; when a friend rejects or does not believe in them. It is a pain like no other: the feeling of not being loved. Jesus is rejected and not loved by so many! 
     “He came unto His own and His own received Him not” (Jn 1:11).

     As I recognized the source of my pain, I thanked God for the insight. I also thanked Him for the privilege of sharing in His pain. I asked that He unite my pain with His to make it efficacious, most especially for those who do not think about Him or have rejected Him. I told Jesus that I hoped that my sharing in His pain would lessen His suffering. Although it did not go away, it now made sense. It was not useless or fruitless. It was full of meaning and could help console the heart of Jesus.

     When we love someone, we long to be with them. When they suffer, we do as well. When that Person is God, the feelings are so much deeper – there is an infinity to them. The truth is that our longing in itself causes a suffering within our hearts and souls, but when we suffer with Them, our pain is greatly increased.

     Our yearning and longing for God is truly a gift! But it is one that we don’t always recognize and mistake it for something else. When those deep feelings of longing, those intense feelings of yearning come into your heart, see it for what it truly is – God seeking your love! Jesus, thirsting for your love! 

     This Advent season, climb upon the donkey with Our Lady, pregnant with Jesus. Allow St. Joseph to lead you on your journey. Spend time with them. Converse with them. Give them your love and your heart. Feel baby Jesus as He moves within His Mother. Rejoice that He is coming! Share His joy – share His sorrow and disappointments. Make up with love for all who have forgotten Him. Gather gifts of selfless acts to offer to Him throughout this time of preparation. Rejoice that you are aware of His coming. Ready your heart to welcome Him on Christmas morning.

Stay awake! Keep alert! Jesus is coming! Don’t allow your feelings or duties to distract you from the true Reason for the Season – the birth of Christ!
    
    
    
    
    
    
     
    

The Many Faces of Jesus

     “We must all grow in a clear conviction of our duty to be holy as Jesus is holy. Holiness is one of the most beautiful gifts a human heart can offer to God. We should serve Jesus in His poor by doing for them the things we would like to do for Him. This is where sanctity is hidden for us: in knowing Jesus, in loving Jesus in the people around us. If we do this, we will become professionals in holiness.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   St. Teresa of Calcutta


     We are all called to be holy – to become another Christ, to be selfless and centered on someone, other than ourselves. Mother Teresa tells us that one of the ways we can do this, is by serving Jesus in the poor, by doing things for them that we would like to do for Him.

     Because most of us do not have the opportunity to serve the poor as Mother Teresa did, we may think that this takes us off the hook. It does not!

     St. Teresa is clear that serving Jesus in the poor, is serving the very people who are around us – the people whom we come in contact, day in and day out: our family, our friends, strangers, our colleagues, people who work in the grocery and department stores, and everyone we meet!

     Seeing the hidden Jesus in everyone is often difficult for us. We can deceive ourselves into thinking that He really can’t be present in that person with whom we struggle, or in that grouchy so and so. It’s difficult to see Jesus in people whom we judge to be unlike Him; those who are curt, unkind, or unkempt. No, Jesus couldn’t be there! 

     We can also forget that Jesus is in our children, our spouses, our friends and neighbors. Jesus is right there, waiting for us to recognize Him – to give Him our love and our heart. We don’t always see Him and miss the opportunity to grow in holiness. We fool ourselves by thinking that holiness would be easier achieved by running off to Calcutta to serve the poor, rather than serving those God has placed in our midst.

     Do not fret! With Advent upon us, we are entering into one of the greatest times, filled with countless opportunities to put this into practice. Advent is a time to ready our hearts for Jesus. It’s a time to open our hearts and welcome Him. It’s when we get to put on the eyes of our heart and look for Him, in each and every person we meet. Unlike the people of Bethlehem, we do not want to send Him away because we did not recognize Him.

     So, while we’re out shopping, see the face of Jesus, while at home, see the face of Jesus, at work or in the car, see the face of Jesus, or in whomever we’re with, see the face of Jesus. Force yourself to believe, especially when it is in ordinary or difficult circumstances. Then, with your vision adjusted, give Jesus a kind word, smile or your love. It won’t be easy, but with God’s help, it is possible. Don’t waste an opportunity! Use this time to practice, practice, practice – it does not come natural for most of us.

     There will be many times when you’ll forget, or when it will be a stretch to see Jesus because He is wearing a distressing disguise. But, be patient with yourself, realizing that it will take some time and practice till your vision is changed. Although reaching holiness is not easy, it is God’s will for us and is the most beautiful gift our human heart can offer to Him. God will help you! Ask for His assistance.

     Each day when you arise, ask the Holy Spirit to help you see Christ in all you will meet that day. Ask Mary to give you her heart to love, her eyes to see, and her words to speak to all. Beg for the openness to accept the graces that God showers upon you each day to grow in awareness and holiness. Pray to Mother Teresa to intercede for you that you may grow in holiness, by doing all the things for others, that you would like to do for Jesus.

     Like St. Teresa of Calcutta, you will become a professional in holiness!

     “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers, you did for Me” (Mt 25:40).
    
    

Remember and Rejoice

     “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  
                                                                                                            Psalm 118:24


     As I read those words, my heart cringed! I did not greet each day in that manner. In fact, those thoughts do not typically even come to mind most days.

     It pains me to admit my guilt because God is a great part of my life. My day begins with quiet prayer time and then Mass and Holy Communion. It is followed by reading daily devotionals to challenge and cement my walk with the Lord. He is on my mind throughout the day. I converse with Him continually as He journeys beside me. So, of what am I guilty?

     I am guilty of forgetting that the Lord has made this day – each and every day. He is involved with every part of it. It is filled with His presence and His grace. That very fact should cause a deep rejoicing within my being. It should uplift my spirit and give me great confidence and peace. Yet, even aware of His presence with me, there are many days I do not rejoice, nor feel glad!

     Instead, I’m busy doing all the things that need to get accomplish. The “to do” list never seems to shorten. As I’ve aged, I thought life would slow down some, but it has not. Also, as my family has grown, so have the joys and the struggles. The joys I find delightful. It’s the struggles that can weigh me down. Being burdened and busy is no excuse for neglecting to rejoice in God. So, what is out of sync?

     Have I become complacent or begun to take God and His graces and blessings for granted? You know, like after years of marriage, you can sometimes take your spouse for granted and not appreciate them. Have I become so “used” to God that I have stopped seeing all that He does for me? Have I forgotten where I would be without Him? Is it not true, that everything I do can give Him glory and that each task is my to offering to God? This is my path to holiness and heaven, and my life, as crazy and hectic as it is, is my gift to Him – and His gift to me!

     I need to refocus. I have to allow this psalm to become my morning, afternoon and evening prayer. I need to be reminded because I can forget. I want to give God my all, by letting go of my heavy, weary heart. My desire should be to bring God glory, as I accept each day with a heart full of joy. I want to remember each and every day of my life, that He has made this day for me. I need to remember that God is God and I am not. I am not called to solve every problem, nor can I.

     God will be there with His graces to help me to overcome myself, when I get weighed down with the burdens of life. He wants me to rejoice, even when life does not go the way I like. He wants me to trust that He has a plan that will sanctity me, if I cooperate with His graces. He wants me to soak in His love and His graces and not just go through the motions. I need to be aware and awake to God’s goodness and love, and never take it for granted. I long to rest in His love and allow the joy to rise within my heart. I have to trust Him more fully, so I can rejoice and be glad in whatever unfolds in my day.

     Oh my dear sweet God! I do love You so very much, but can be burdened and distracted by the duties and worries of life. Help me to be conscious that this is the day that You have made. Nothing is in it that can separate me from You and the joy You long to give me. Let me rejoice and not allow anything to rob my joy and trust in You. May I always remember that You will provide me with the grace that I need to accomplish Your holy will. Nothing happens from which You cannot bring good. Everything is grace!

     “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope” (Jer 29:11).

Astonishing Revelation

     “To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name. If therefore, I do anything or think anything or say anything or know anything that is not purely for the love of God, it cannot give me peace, or rest, or fulfilment, or joy. To find love I must enter into the sanctuary where it is hidden, which is the mystery of God.”    
                                                                                                                   Thomas Merton


     I was struggling with a particular relationship for a good while. Over time, I could see I was distancing myself from them. I was not calling or communicating with this person as frequently, as I had previously. I had justified my change of behavior as warranted. There was a change: they were acting differently.

     I was also struggling with some challenging circumstances myself and was not on my “A game.” It was a lot of work for me to act like everything was okay when I was in their company. I did not want to share my struggles with them. Even though I truly did love this person, I could feel a wall rising between us. I did not want to end the relationship; I would just do what I thought necessary and no more. I had to protect myself.

     My plan managed to fool me for a little while. We have a way of justifying circumstances when it is difficult to deal with them. I needed to convince myself and believe that what I was doing was right, especially before God. He sees into our hearts, minds, wounds and motives. We cannot hide the truth from Him.

     I began to struggle with my decision. I tried and tried to be at peace with it, but it was haunting me. Was I being a hypocrite or was I truly protecting myself from additional pain? I wasn’t sure. I felt uncertain. I would go back and forth with my conclusions, wrestling within myself.

     I was aware that as we grow closer to God, He often allows situations to test and purify our love. He calls us to love unconditionally as He does. He was giving me a perfect opportunity to do so, yet I wanted to run as far away from this call to love. I wanted to give Him all the reasons and excuses that I did not have to love like He does, in this instance, anyway.

     Thanks, be to God, I do enter into the sanctuary where Love is hidden. While spending time with God in private prayer, as well as before the Blessed Sacrament, He began to reveal my heart to me. He began to allow me to see myself from the perspective of the other person. He allowed me to see the confusion and hurt they were feeling. They were perplexed at the way my actions had changed toward them. He allowed me to see that they too were carrying struggles and burdens.

      God was opening my eyes up to see someone other than myself. He was giving me His eyes, mind, heart and love for this person. He was dilating my stingy, shriveled heart into a heart more like His, filled with merciful and generous love.

     This realization allowed me to see I had not been reflecting God’s image. My behavior was screaming that love was not the reason for my existence. I was not acting as if love was my true identity, that selflessness was my true self, that love was my true character or that love was my name. In this relationship, I was living a lie and God knew it. Now I did.

     I was astonished at this revelation! I truly had not seen it before. I asked God for forgiveness and drank in His mercy. I thanked Him for His great love for me in pointing out my behavior. I take my relationship with God quite seriously and never want to hold on to sin or justify unloving behavior. My heart was filled with peace, rest, fulfilment and joy! I immediately began to think of ways to “make it up” to this person for my lack of love. God had filled my heart with His love for them and I welcomed the occasions to pour it down upon them.

     Later that week, this great gift of God was culminated by receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Even though I had already asked God for His forgiveness, it felt wonderful to be assured through the priest, who sits in Persona Christi, through the words of absolution. I was grateful as well, for all the graces I received to carry out my new plan of loving.

     I’d like to say that I’ve learned my lesson on loving as God does, and I’ve passed onto the next class, but loving as He does will be a lifelong challenge. It does not come easy. But our God is a patient God and knows all our wounds and weaknesses. He will never give up on us. May we never give up on ourselves.

     “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. If we love one another, God remains in us, and His love is brought to perfection in us” (Jn 4: 7-8,12).