Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Bigger than the Hard Thing

     I can’t believe that it’s November already, but the fact that it’s been almost two months since I’ve posted on Avia Joy startles me!

     Life has been anything but “normal” these days. It seems that on many fronts, what used to be familiar and “automatic pilot” has become unfamiliar and more challenging.

     I should have realized it when a friend suggested I read the book, Hinds Feet on High Places by Hunnah Hurnard. I had read it many years ago, and thought it would be fun to read it again and see where it “hit” me this time around.

     Little did I know it was Providence who had really suggested I pick it up again.

     The premise of the story is “Little Much Afraid” lives in the Valley of Humiliation with the Fearing family. The Good Shepherd invites her to leave all of this behind and travel with two companions, Sorrow and Suffering, to the High Places of the Shepherd. On the journey she will have to face her fears and weaknesses and depend upon her companions to help and guide her. The Shepherd is only a call away from her and will come to her when she needs Him. It is a difficult journey but if she stays the course, she will be strengthened and become the woman God is calling her to be. Her crippled feet will be changed and she will be able to scale the mountain of her fears. In doing so, she will be transformed and will return to the valley, living much differently than before.      

     As I read the story this time, what became clear, were the many situations in my life which make me feel like Much Afraid. There are difficult and painful circumstances that make me want to say no to the Shepherd’s invitation, and stay in the valley with “familiar.” But truth be told, I have always wanted to be free from my fears and embrace the life that God was calling me to live. I just wasn’t sure how to take the next step in achieving my goal, so I prayed that God would open that door for me.

     After finishing the book, I came upon a Bible study entitled, Fearless and Free. It is written by Lisa Brenninkmeyer, from Walking with Purpose. It sounded like the instrument that could help me on my journey to the High Places of the Shepherd. I felt excited and nervous, like you do when facing an unknown adventure, but I decided to plunge into the deep end and trust.

     As I listened to the first lesson, I took a deep breath. This IS going to be challenging but if it moves me toward freedom, I’m a willing student.  

 The Bible study has been challenging and painful but at the same time, freeing. Through the lessons, I can see and taste the freedom that the Lord is offering to me, but I still must get past my fears and trust to continue my journey to the Shepherd’s high ground.

     I have completed the Bible study now two times and plan on doing it again down the road. Each time has been like taking another layer off of an onion, and we all know that peeling onions makes for tears. I desperately yearn to have the courage and strength to stay the course, as little Much Afraid did. I want to trust that the Shepherd will heal the wounds in my heart. But in order to do this Lisa tells us in Fearless and Free:

     “It’s the very thing that pains us that God using to heal us.” She also issues this warning: This journey to all He’s promised doesn’t take you around the Red Sea; it takes you through it. It’s a path with walls of water on either side. You can choose what you’re going to dwell on. You can stare at the water, just waiting for it to crash, or you can keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and on the fact that He is keeping the ground dry just in front of you. It’s dry enough for one step. There is grace for one more day. So hold on. Grasp hold of hope. Dig deep in your soul and reach for His power. Keep your eyes on Jesus to avoid navel-gazing and losing sight of your Savior. Ask for eyes of love that begin to recognize God’s presence, which has been there all along. You are chosen.” 

     Throughout this continuing journey, although I have tried hard to keep my eyes on Christ, I have found that, in my fear, I have wanted to have a real live flesh and blood person to talk to and reassure me. For the most part, God has closed those doors. He is instead, calling me to depend upon Him and not others. On rare occasions, He has allowed a friend to assist me, and for that, I am grateful.

     I am not sure just where this journey will lead. Avia Joy has taken a back seat. I cannot write when I am so unsure and uncertain of myself. I am not sure what God’s plan is for her or for myself.

     I am certain that God’s plans are always for my good, even when it’s difficult. I know that God loves me madly and passionately and will lead me on the next step of my journey. God IS working on healing my heart and transforming me into the woman He has called me to be from all eternity. He wants me to enjoy life thoroughly and love as He does. I cannot do this unless I change – become more authentic—more transparent.

     In Fearless and Free, Lisa tells us that it’s impossible to self-protect and love at the same time. This has been the most challenging lesson thus far for me to live out. But when I have overcome my fears and placed my trust in God and made myself vulnerable, God has been faithful and rewarded me with favorable results. This has not and will not be easy, but it is moving me in the right direction.

     I used to pray for all of these difficult situations to just go away. I am learning that that is not what God wants for me. In the Bible study Lisa quotes Ann Voskamp: “Be brave. Do not pray for the hard thing to go away. But pray for a bravery to come that’s bigger than the hard thing.”

     I am beginning to believe that living this way is what God desires for me and it will give me the freedom for which I long.

     So, with God’s grace and guidance, I will trust in Him and not in myself and listen for the Shepherd as He calls me to the High Places. Just as little Much Afraid became Grace and Glory, and her companions Sorrow and Suffering became Joy and Peace, I too will be given a new name to bring praise and glory to God!

     But “God has not given me a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control” (2Tim 1:7), and I will not give up. “I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in me will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6).

     Do not be afraid! Come and journey with me to the High Places. Our loving Shepherd wants to transform you to become the man or woman He has called you to be from all eternity.

     Claim your true identity in Christ!
    
        
    
    
    
    
    

2 comments:

  1. Avia Joy, I was delighted to see a new post from you! God is working on all of us through you and your blog, which are such a beautiful testimony of your faith journey. I am sure that I am not alone in saying that I have grown spiritually through these posts.

    Transparency certainly sounds ideal, but...to bare your soul and take on that responsibility, you do make yourself very vulnerable. We need "His" staff to guide us and secure the way. Thank you so much dear God for being there for us and giving us Avia Joy as a model and mentor.

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  2. Thank you for the beautiful post! I shared the Ann Voskamp quote with me children. Thank you so much for your openness and honesty.

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