Gifts from the Beloved

     “My Child, please understand that the trials I send you are made to measure, exactly fitted to your power to bear them. They are favors that draw you nearer to your Beloved. Thank Me for a little trial as though it were a flower placed with tenderness on your heart by your Fiancé. Always humble yourself as if you had deserved to suffer. I am all innocence, yet I suffered everything imaginable. I will use everything for your sanctification. Do not be afraid of trials. They only help you go higher. They make you love Me more.”                                              
                                                                                               Our Lord to Gabrielle Bossis


     When I read these words of Jesus to Gabrielle, I realize how far I am from reaching holiness!

     I do not see trials as flowers placed upon my heart by my Beloved. They do not feel like they are measured to fit perfectly, but often, more than I think I can bear. They do not increase my love of God, but make me question His love. When trials strike, my heart is filled with fear. I don’t believe I deserve this particular suffering. It is not causing me to move higher, but is pulling me down instead!

     Trials are part of life. But trials are most especially, part and parcel, of being a disciple of Christ. We must begin to expect them and allow God to use them for our good.

    “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me”( Lk 9:23).

    Jesus did not try to hide this truth from apostles, nor from us. Scripture is full of passages which spell this out, loud and clear! Nevertheless, it’s a fact that we easily forget when suffering comes our way.

     Several years ago, while meeting with a spiritual director, I spoke about some difficulties I was facing. After listening, he told me that God did love me and was calling me to a deeper relationship with Him. God wanted to increase my faith and trust in Him in these particular areas. He assured me that God would give me the grace to deal with the trials and that I needed to surrender the situations to Him and let go. I didn’t have control of the situations anyway, and any action I may take, might make matters worse.

     As I listened to Father’s good counsel, even though he didn’t say what I hoped he would say, he said what I needed to hear. His words seeped deep into my fearful, wounded heart, and helped me to believe in the love God had for me.

     God had not left me alone, nor had He caused these difficult situations to happen. He allowed them for my sanctity and could bring a greater good from them if I cooperated and trusted. God had taken me at my word when I asked to become a saint. Sanctity is not cheap, and comes at a great cost! In my pain, I had forgotten that fact. Father reminded me of that very truth that day by encouraging me to trust and have faith in God. I was able to put my hope in God, where it belonged – not in myself or in others.

     Since that time, with lots of practice, I have grown in some small way when trials occur. Although my initial reaction is not to trust, it doesn’t take quite as long for me to entertain the idea that this trial is a call to holiness. I then, not only bring it to prayer, but talk to a spiritual friend about my dilemma. I have found when the suffering first hits me, I am too close to it to see clearly.

     I am often tempted to “do something,” which I have learned is not always prudent. My friend is not overwhelmed as I am, with my feelings of fear and apprehension.  They can help me to hand it over to God. They usually pray with me, which always helps. I am then able to take a deep breath and recall, difficult incidents in the past, when I have felt the power and presence of God. The situations may or may not have been resolved the way I liked, but God always gave me the grace to get through it.

     I have found that it’s also imperative, to stay in the present moment where the grace of God is contained. Running down the road of our imagination, is never a good idea. The things we imagine don’t often occur, but even if they do, we can count on God to give us the grace at that time. That is why it’s called actual grace – we get it when we actually need it!

     When we look back on our lives, we have to admit, it is the tough times that have caused us to mature, grow and become a better person. When the hard times come, they feel like they may crush us! But our history reveals that it is those difficult times that flex our spiritual muscles and make us stronger. God will provide with the strength and courage that we need!

     Jesus told Gabrielle, that our trials are fit to measure. We must begin to believe that is true! We have to remind ourselves of that when they come and seem to knock us off our feet.

     Our God is a God of love, who invites us to share His Cross of love. We need to let go of fear and begin to trust when suffering comes our way. When our love for God becomes stronger than our love of self, when we truly believe with every fiber of our being that God loves us, then when trials come, we will smell the fragrance of the flower He has gently placed on our heart.

     To the world, it will look like a great trial, but to one who truly knows and loves the Beloved, it is a great favor that will draw us closer to Our Lord in love!

     Oh, my dear sweet God! We forget how much You suffered for us. You, who were all innocence, took our sins upon You. Help us to remember that, when suffering comes our way. Give us the grace to let go of fear and allow our trials to help us to go higher. May we see them as a gift to make us love You more! Amen.