I sat at my computer, one day in mid-April, scrolling through my emails. There were so many each day, that I did my best to go through them daily, reading those I judged valuable and deleting the others.
A women’s apostolate, whose blog I read on occasion, was inviting its followers to make a consecration to our Lady.
I quickly deleted the email because I had made several consecrations to Mary and did not feel called to do another one. Good, I thought, no need to put something else on my plate. Besides, I have a wonderful relationship with Mama Mary, and I do not see the need to even entertain the thought.
Delete. Done. Finished!
Or so I thought. One way or another the thought to explore the idea kept coming back to me: another email, a post on Instagram, a recommendation from a friend and other nudges. I was beginning to have doubts about my hasty decision.
Hmmm? Is this You, Lord? Is this something You really want me to explore? Why in the world would You be calling me to make another consecration to our Lady? What is so different about this one? I decided to at least look into it and be obedient to what could be the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Although I proceeded, I felt very much like St. Peter when asked to trust and put his nets back into the sea. Would it be filled with fish or come up empty? Time would tell!
The title of the book was very different: The Fruit of Her Womb, by Fr. Boniface Hicks, O.S.B. I was familiar with Father. I had listened to a talk he had given at the Eucharistic Revival and enjoyed his spiritual insights. The reviews on the consecration were very good, and I trusted the opinion of the featured critics. It felt as though I was being drawn to consider it. I received my confirmation when I read the following statement: “Fr. Boniface brings a new freshness to Louis de Montfort’s time-honored consecration. Rather than holy slavery, Fr. Boniface presents the thirty-three days of preparation through the prism of a loving, filial relationship with Mary, entrusting ourselves to her womb, where she nurtures and forms us into her Son, Jesus.”
Although I never struggled with the idea of being a slave to our Lady, the thought of being a baby in the womb of Mary warmed my heart. As a mother of five, I had the great privilege to experience God’s wonder of my body’s ability to nurture and form my children from conception to birth. I could easily wrap my mind around the idea of imagining myself in the womb of Mary, allowing her to nourish and care for all of my needs. Although I still wasn’t quite sure, I decided to at least order the book and look at its contents and then make my decision.
On receiving the book, I excitedly read the introduction. Father explained when St. Louis de Monfort described becoming a slave to Mary, he meant doing nothing without her; not having a will apart from hers’. Because “the spirit of the world has infected our thinking,” we may think this idea to be too radical. But as we come to recognize our woundedness, we will see consecration as “a merciful gift from God and a sweet path of salvation.”
Fr. Hicks invites us to discover how we’ve become influenced by the spirit of the world: “The principal consequences of Original Sin are a fearful grasping after independence and a repeated search for a security that is in our own control. In the beginning, however, God made us for relationship: first of all, with Himself, and then with each other. These relationships were ruptured by the Fall, when men and women sought to become gods without God.”
After the fall everything is out of whack, and we grasp and try to control and fix people, things and situations which are beyond us. We try to earn love and make something of ourselves from our achievements. We have lost our trust in God, shattered our relationship with Him and are unable to repair it by ourselves. Left to our own devices we will continually fall and fail. We will continue in the cycle of frustration and emptiness without learning to trust God, our heavenly Father who is crazy in love with us. Papa has given us His Son, Jesus to redeem us and claim our identity as His children. Jesus has given us His dear sweet Mother who will teach us how to trust God as she did. Fr. Boniface, along with St. Louis, was inviting me to become a helpless baby in the womb of Mary and become totally dependent on her.
St. Louis states: “Mary received from God a unique dominion over souls enabling her to nourish them and make them more and more godlike. St. Augustine went so far as to say that even in this world all the elect are enclosed in the womb of Mary, and that their real birthday is when this good mother brings them forth to eternal life. Consequently, just as an infant draws all its nourishment from its mother, who give according to its need, so the elect draw their spiritual nourishment and all their strength from Mary.”
I was so close to saying yes, but Fr. Hicks next paragraph clinched my decision. “We therefore must be even more helpless than an infant: we must let ourselves be held in the most perfect embrace of the most loving Mother as a baby in the womb. This is the radical quality of trust, our abandonment to the one who always perfectly lives in accord with the will of God. Mary is the perfect Mother who will only nourish the child in her womb with the best of food and who turns every squirming movement of that tiny child into a beautiful expression of love for God.”
I was ready. I was willing. I was yearning to become that little baby in the womb of Mary with Jesus right there with me! I wanted to finally learn to abandon my will and come to depend upon my mother Mary. I was hoping to surrender and become like a babe in the womb, completely and utterly dependent on its mother. It was time to stop the madness of trying to control and fix everything. I was tired of squirming through the challenges of life and wanted to finally let go and trust. I was still mindful of not running and hiding behind that big chair when life’s fears reared their ugly head. I could now have two visuals to help me: sitting calmly on Papa’s lap, on that chair, and being a dependent babe in the womb of my mother Mary, safe and sound, allowing Mama to handle everything.
I said yes!
Although the style of the consecration was familiar, thirty-three days of preparation with day thirty-four consecration day, the format was different. Each day was a theme which was complimented by a bible scripture, a beautiful writing from a saint or holy man or woman of the Church, a reflection from Fr. Boniface, ending with a beautiful set of prayers.
The unique consecration began a few days later and concludes on the thirty-first of May, the feast of the Visitation of Mary to St. Elizabeth. This is a very special Marian feast day for me for several reasons: it signifies a special bond for a dear friend and myself, it’s my husband’s birthday, and lastly, I was blessed to visit the site in the Holy Land where the Visitation took place.
I am nearing the end of my thirty-three-day preparation. It has been a beautiful experience so far, and I promise to share some of the special insights that have particularly touched my heart. I look forward to “C” day, when I will once again pledge my heart and soul to Mary, in the hope that she will continue to form me into her Son, Jesus, the Fruit of Her Womb. I hope to remain always a little babe in her blessed womb trusting in the love and plan of the Father.
Be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit! We have a good God who is full of surprises and generous in His graces and gifts to His beloved children! He longs to have us back with Him in heaven one day and will do all that He can to assist us on our journey!
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