Time Together -- Our Precious Gift

      Although the pilgrimage was wonderful, it felt great to be home! I couldn’t wait to talk with Sarah and make plans for our visit.

     She sounded so good on the phone and wanted to know every detail of our trip…most especially the ‘special’ moments.  Our conversation then shifted: when was I coming to visit? I really wanted to leave right then and there, hop in the car and go to give her a big hug and kiss. But unfortunately, I had developed a bit of a cold the last few days of the trip and wanted to be perfectly well before spending time with Sarah. That would mean I’d have to wait and not leave right away.

     Because Sarah was on hospice, many family members were wanting to visit. We did not know how long we would have her and wanted to take advantage of her still feeling pretty good…all things considered. Her daughter Miriam, who had moved back home to help care for her mom, was taking care of scheduling the visits. After a bit of juggling, it was all set: my daughter-in-law and I would visit from 13th to the 16th of November. 

     Between that time and the time of my visit, I spoke with Sarah as often as possible. Sometimes it was just for a few minutes, while other days it was a longer conversation. She had begun coughing sometime in August, which determined the length of our phone call. Although it was wonderful to hear her voice, I wished she didn’t live so far from me. Wishing would not change our situation, so I offered it up for her instead.

     Although Sarah didn’t feel ready to leave this earth, she began to talk about her funeral arrangements. She had lived down south for a little more than 30 years but had lived up north for 40 prior to that. She wanted to make the decisions with her family but insisted that there would be something in both places. 

     Sarah was very efficient, and went about choosing scripture readings, those who would do the readings, songs, and all the details that would go into both her funeral Mass, as well as her memorial Mass up north. She was relentless in her planning, and everyone would kid her about her tenacity with the subject. Their comments did not lead her off course; she was determined to be prepared.

     Despite the fact that Sarah’s health continued to decline, she still seemed pretty good, and tried to keep things as ‘normal’ as possible. In early November, she had done a little too much; much like when she came to our anniversary celebration. The effects of the cancer were taking its toll on her. Suddenly, her condition became very worrisome. Once again, it seemed like Sarah was making that disconnect …not talking on the phone or texting, spending time in bed which was very unusual for her. I wasn’t sure if she was going to rally again, or if it was ‘the beginning of the end.’ 

     I contacted Sarah’s daughter-in-law, who works in oncology, to ask if she had any sense of Sarah’s time left. I didn’t want to be blindsided and felt like I wanted to know the truth…whatever it was.

     She was so sweet and gentle with her response, but honest at the same time: when someone stops chemo with her type of cancer, their life expectancy is usually less than 12 weeks. It’s 7 weeks right now. We are praying that she’ll make it to Thanksgiving, but it would truly be miraculous if she made it to Christmas. It’s all in God’s hands. But often, people with her issues, death can happen very suddenly and unexpectedly. 

     I was grateful for her honesty and thanked her for it. She had done such a wonderful job journeying with Sarah throughout her illness, making sure she always saw the best doctors and had the appropriate treatments. We were thankful for her love, concern and expertise: it brought Sarah and all of us great comfort. 

     Thanks be to God, Sarah bounced back after a number of days! I felt like I could breathe again; it appeared as though our visit would happen. Please God, please! 

     Family members were scheduled to visit from November 10 to December 8; Miriam had blocks of ‘no visit’ days planned in between to give Sarah time to recoup after the visits. 

     Our visit had finally arrived, and I was so very excited! 

     Sarah was in a wheelchair again, due to some issues she was having, but when we walked in the door, she was full of life and joy! We hugged and kissed one another, and tears filled our eyes. She was beaming and very talkative, which delighted us deeply.

     Our time together was so wonderful! She joined us each day at the table for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She would stay at the dinner table for hours afterwards, telling stories and reminiscing. We even played her favorite card game that she taught us. My daughter-in-law took some videos, while Sarah was speaking, which were delightful!

     Miriam made sure Sarah and I had plenty of private time together, which was such a gift to both of us. I was able to bring her Holy Communion after Mass one day which delighted the two of us. We prayed the Divine Mercy and the rosary each day. In our time together, we also talked about our lives and our journey through all these years. We talked about her upcoming death and the fact that it seemed surreal. She expressed the fact that she didn’t ‘feel’ ready to let go of everyone. I assured her that when the time would come, God would prepare her, and she need not worry about it. He had done it in September and November when we thought we were losing her. 

     Sarah talked with excitement about what she would do when she did get to heaven. She reminded me much of St. Therese, promising things would go “biiiingggg!” when she arrived as she was going to be interceding for all of our very special intentions. It made me laugh, because Sarah was a mover and a shaker all of her life and I didn’t doubt her words!

     She thanked me for being her spiritual mentor and introducing her to St. Therese when we were children. Sarah had taken out a page of Therese’ book and like the saint, she too offered herself as a victim of holocaust to God’s merciful love so that when she died, “her soul would take its flight without any delay into the eternal embrace of God’s merciful love.”  Sarah then added, “but please, pray for me as if I am in Purgatory, and have Masses offered for my soul.” 

     Sarah and I then talked about her funeral arrangements and discussed the decisions she had made. It seemed so difficult to believe that she was dying! She was so full of life! Although when I thought about it, she had declined significantly since my visit in August. At that time, she was able to attend daily Mass and make a holy hour each day with me. This visit, she was not up to the effort that it took. In fact, I would wait till she napped before going to make a holy hour, where I would pour out my heart to God for all of us to receive His grace and operate in it, for whatever His will was for Sarah.

     Time was moving much too quickly, and our visit was coming to an end. I wished so much that I had planned on staying longer, but others were scheduled, and I didn’t want to steal from ‘their’ special time together. Once again, I would offer up my disappointment to God for Sarah and her family that they could at least celebrate Thanksgiving together, and possibly Christmas.

     It was time to leave, and my heart was breaking. I thanked Sarah’s husband and daughter for opening their home to us and their fantastic hospitality. I was so grateful to them, to give us the opportunity to share Sarah with us, at a time when many are overly protective of their loved ones.

     It was time to say goodbye to Sarah. I didn’t want to cry, but try as I might, the tears began pouring out and then sobs. I didn’t know if I’d get to see her again and I just didn’t want to leave. 

     I voiced my fear to Sarah. She responded, “You will see me again.” I responded, “I know in the next life, but I want to see you again here. I wish you didn’t live so far from me, so I could come more often.” “No, I don’t mean in the next life, I mean here. You will get to see me again,” Sarah replied. She spoke with such certainty and conviction that I believed her. I then hugged her tightly and kissed her again not wanting to let go.

     After some time, I released Sarah, and apologized to all for what I saw as ‘making a scene.’ They were all sweet and gentle with tears streaming down their faces, as we all hugged once more. It was time to leave for the airport. 

     As we headed out of their driveway, Sarah was waiting at the window with a final wave, while blowing a kiss. It was one of the things she was famous for doing and was both expected and welcomed by all her family members and friends.

     I would cherish that picture of her until I would see her once again. Our visit was so enjoyable and full of new memories which I would tuck in with all those already treasured.

     

     “Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why do you sigh within me? Hope in God! For I shall again be thanking Him, in the presence of my Savior and my God.”                   Psalm 42: 12