Happy Birthday Avia Joy!

     Avia Joy* is a year old! It was with fear and trepidation that I said yes to God when He proposed that she would be conceived and brought to life. Having had Papa’s frequent assurance that He would be with me to assist with Avia Joy, I stepped out in faith. He has been true to His word, although it took some time for me to believe it.

     While still pregnant with her, a decision was made to always have a reserve of nine posts. I wanted to be ahead of the game. I had also decided that I would publish three posts a week, never doubting that it could be accomplished. I would have my reserve. I could make it work!


     Well, that wasn't quite the way Papa wanted it. He was using Avia Joy to deepen my dependence and trust in Him. Once she was born, it seemed like life got more hectic and crazy! Little by little the reserve disappeared and I was left empty handed. I didn't like that feeling. I liked to be in control. I did not like the poverty of want – of needing to depend on Someone.

     Papa also showed me how attached I was to performing well. I really struggled with perfection in my writing. I was filled with angst and worry that everything would be perfect: punctuation, grammar and the way it flowed. I obviously thought it all depended on me and did not realize that God wanted me to do my best and then hand it over to Him for the results.

     This was a difficult thing to do. I had been conditioned to shoot for perfection and this struggle was beginning to wear on me. I was losing all confidence in my abilities and cringed when it was time to write again.

     By the grace of God and steel determination, I had somehow managed to keep up with three posts for the first four months of Avia Joy’s life. But I was growing weary! It isn't fun anymore. I used to love to see what Sasha had in store for me. I didn't know how much longer I could do this. Should I quit? Was I mistaken in the first place?

     As my reserves dwindled and the time drew near for a new post, I would be filled with an intense panic. Not a thought arose, let alone a sentence written. Fear would grip my heart and mind, convinced that there would not be another thought or story to write. Doubting that that the blog was God’s will began to invade my thoughts. Could vanity and recognition be the motive? But then it would arrive . . . out of the blue. A thought, a story, a scripture, a quote, which touched my mind and heart, and it would come bursting forth! Papa wanted me to realize that I was poor, so He could fill me with His riches! He was trying to pry from my hands, the false security of self reliance, so I could wrap my arms around Him instead.  

     Gradually, over the months, it did happen. I started to notice I was not burdened the way I had been. “Automatic panic” was changed to trust by realizing that Sasha would show up, at just the right time. I wasn't attached to the number of times that I posted, but came to a sense of peace that God would dictate that for me. I was finally starting to be able to let go of the perfection I had placed upon myself, knowing that God would make up for any lack in my writing. It was a liberating feeling! For years I had pleaded to God to grow in this area, and now it was happening! Avia Joy was His chosen instrument and I was becoming more confident in my dependence on God.

     This was not limited to the blog. It spilled out into my everyday experiences. Papa was showing me that I could totally depend upon Him. It may not always appear so, but it was a truth and a fact. He was calling me to run to Him and nuzzle close to His heart when I was afraid or fearful. He was trying to show me that He is my Father and will never abandon me or forsake me – when life’s circumstances may try to convince me otherwise. He accepts me as I am warts and all and was teaching me to do the same with myself and others.

     My relationship with “my dear sweet Jesus,” has grown as well. Recalling different memories of my walk with Him, as well as regularly meditating on His Passion, has greatly deepened my love.

     I’m delighted to say that now I have a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit, or Sasha, as I call Him. Awakening to the fact that I depend on Him to fill me with thoughts and ideas to write, is a gift for which I am eternally grateful. He is now a vital Person in my life and I love spending time and speaking with Him.

     Of course, I couldn't forget Our Lady, and the role she plays with Avia Joy. Our Lady of Vladimir, also known as Our Lady of Tenderness, is one of Avia’s birthmarks.** Like me, Avia Joy was placed on the altar of God and dedicated to the Blessed Mother. My love for my “Mama” continues to grow, as she continually leads me closer to the heart of Jesus.

     I am so very grateful to God for all of the lessons that He has taught me through Avia Joy. Children do have a way of challenging, stretching, and maturing you in ways you never expect.

     I also have two other notes of thanks. First is to my husband, for his patience with me as I was in “growing pains” with Avia Joy. May God bless him abundantly with His graces! And secondly, to my friend Miriam, who has given so much of her time and talent in helping me to “tweak” Avia Joy. She has been a cheerleader when I needed it, an encouragement when I didn't believe, a buoy when I was sinking. She is the definition of what a true friend is and has been the “wind beneath my wings.” Thinking about it, I guess I could say that Miriam is Avia’s Godmother. She is a gift from God!

     Thank you for journeying with Avia Joy this past year. I hope you have enjoyed her and have grown in your love for the Blessed Trinity. Ave Joy is the song in my heart that was waiting to be sung!

     “Blessed are you who believed, that was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled” (Lk. 1 vs.45 ).

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*Look in the archives for The Birth of Avia Joy published April 21, 2014 to read about her beginnings.              

**Avia Joy has two unique birthmarks published April 28, 2014.